The

AITOOW is infuriated when Americans add this word to a sentence. For example, David Letterman always will say something like "I like THE bingo". It's not THE bingo. It's bingo. Period! We are not French. There is no le, la, les required with our nouns.

Conan O'Brien

AITOOW wonders if he can ever stop interviewing himself. He is perpetually interjecting his own stories into the conversation. You are there to ask the questions. So do that and shut up. And tripe like "Stay cool my babies" is so lame I can hardly watch sometimes. Thank God for Fun Hole Guy and Robert Smigel (aka Triumph and any celeb with it's piehole cut out).

Title IX

AITOOW is tired of the white bigotry couched as sensitivity that judges black skinned Americans by a different standard (as if the are less capable). The College Sports Council just issued a report that found that all but 2 black colleges did not meet the proportionality standards mandated by federal law. That is not the real outrage. The outrage is that Eric Pearson (the council chairman), felt the need to exonerate the colleges and show his opinion of black people by stating "We're not asking for punishment: we're pointing out how hard it is for HBCUs to comply with proportionality". The implication is two fold. 1. I'm so scared of being called a racist that I can't criticize let alone invoke the prescribed punishment on a person of darker pigment. 2. These people must be given special treatment because they are less capable than everyone else.

Tavis Smiley

AITOOW can't believe he has a talk show. He can't even speak. He has a mush mouth. He has a limited vocubulary. It's torture watching him stumble for words or use them incorrectly. He takes 18 minutes to ask a question. He's neither intelligent, accomplished or engaging. Is he saying "I am glad you could join us" or "We're glad you have joined us" or "Glad you could/have joined us"? Spit out the marbles! How for will white America go to include the "others"? It's shocking that he found his home on PBS. Isn't that right Bill Moyers.

The Clinton Legacy

AITOOW remembers that any progress made during the Clinton era was forced on him by the Republican Congress. He was derided as a turncoat by most Democrats. He sold out gays, women and blacks. He signed a NAFTA Agreement that George Bush negotiated. He only got elected because Ross Perot took 30% of the vote away from Bush. The economic boom was a combination of George Bush's fiscal planning and Silicon Valley ingenuity. He balanced a budget by neglecting our intelligence and military services. It's like saying Barry Switzer was a great Coach for the Cowboys. It was Jimmy's team! He could only fuck it up. His one "achievement" was placing two underqualified judges on the Supreme Court and filling his Cabinet with similiarly freakish sideshow attractions in the the name of diversity for diversity's sake. He also cut and ran from Somolia and enobled the terrorists to bomb us in Africa and the Middle East. I can't go on. Where is our memory. I hear it's selective and we only remember things as we want to remember them. Notice I didn't even bring up the nastiness that happened before he got in the White House, Foster, Travelgate, Monica, etc. And Ireland and Kosovo should be looked into in greater detail if you think they were successes (or attributable to him).

Gas Prices

AITOOW who thinks they rise precipitously faster when the price of oil goes up than they fall when it goes down. Seeing as they pull an acceptable profit margin percentage markup out of the air (it's 15% right?), how did they not always collude to keep the barrel price of oil high and thus realize a higher net profit? Most companies increase their profit margins by eliminating cost. They operate in a reflective paradigm.

John McCain's Goiter

AITOOW wishes he would get a chin lift. He looks like one of those catfish creatures from Star Wars. The wierd thing is that the left side is baggier than the right.

Insincerity

AITOOW can't stand it when some store clerk says have a nice a day with zero conviction. It actually turns into an insult. Either mean it or don't bother.

J. Peterman on Family Feud

AITOOW thinks he is a little partial to the dark chocolate? Check him out when he gets a chance to nestle up to a Nubian princess/baby momma. He is also finally remembering to tell us the top answer to the questions.

Barbara Walters on The View

AITOOW thinks she is a show killer. Everytime she opens her mouth the show comes to a screetching halt. How is she successful? Gulp Gulp?

The MGM logo

AITOOW who sees a vaudevile type jiggaboo representation at the bottom of the logo. How has this been allowed to continue?

Sports Shortcomings

AITOOW wants them to change the following -

Hockey: Face Offs (could you waste more time?). Too many men on the ice (ever see it get to 4x4? Fun!), Penalties (they decide every contest). Off sides (talk about a buzz kill). Laying down to block the puck (dangerous and detriment to scoring).

Basketball: Fouling at the end of the game. Can't you give them the choice on shots or possesion? And how about calling it the same any time of the game. Bring back hand checking. Get rid of jump balls. Limit substitutions.

Baseball: Strike Zone (can't we get a machine that tracks this. The umps evidently can't be consistent - during a game or between each other). Outlaw Leading Off (adds a minimum of five minutes per every man on first).

Football: Holding and Block in the Back Penalties (does anything fun every occur without one of these disqualifying it?)

And while we are at it, I want lacrosse on rollerbldes.

Political Candidates' Doppelgangers and Nicknames

AITOOW thinks they look/act like the following-

Barrak Obama: Curious George/Robot Obama - Barry Blunt. AITOOW who finds him the opposite of engaging. "Danger Will Robinson...I am monotone." Also heard - Kennedy thinks it's O'Bama.

Hillary Clinton: Heathcliff or Garfield/The Cackler - The Nut Cracker - Nurse Ratchet - The Victim of ... BTW. The reason that those who don't like her don't like her is simply because she is a shamer. She is like Jiminey Fucking Cricket on your shoulder and most people don't want to be patronized.

John McCain: Humpty Dumpty - Don Rickles/Juan McCain.

Mitt Romney: Jack from Lost/Dr. Flip (Flopper) McSwappy. Does Massachusetts breed them? It's ironic in the home of the topsider.

Mike Huckabee: President Logan from 24/The 2,000 Year Old Man