I'm a Douche Bag

AITOOW recoils every time the fag with the spiky brown hair has a segment on TMZ. He always thinks his 5 seconds are so amusing. But, they are always lame. At least Spicoli gets some good dirt about good people. This guy is just superfluous.

Traitor?

AITOOW is unsure if Scott McClellan is a traitor. If what he knew about his government's "prevarications" concerned him so deeply, wasn't it his moral duty to expose them and protect his country. An omission caries as much legal import as an act. Making a buck off his ambivalence in the aftermath is just the obvious mal apropos.

Bangers and Trash

AITOOW doesn't understand why we are subjected to British tarts when we have more than enough home grown tarts to choose from. I'm speaking (of course) of talent show hostesses. So You Think You Can Dance or Last Comic Standing for instance. Just because the producer's want to bang these annoying birds doesn't mean I want wont a ere em on the tele. They aren't even hot by new world standards. They have bad hair, bad fashion, bad skin yet suprisingly not bad teeth. This is America. I want an American. It's bad enough I have to hear Antonio Banderas say "conyesyon" as a bumble bee on that commercial for whatever medicine that is probably making his penis limp. And it's Los Angeless not Angeleez (you sleeze). When you are in our country say iy like we say it. And while you're at it, stop Anglicizing any foreign words (like you're too superior to be bothered with the indiginous way of prouncing them). Here's a tip. Your day in the sun has set. You are now the uncouth, penniless relations. Although, for the life of me (meeting all you toothless, skin headed, sandal wearing clods and reading of excerable characters in English literature) I can't ever find a time when you had any of the sophistication you think you had. Your art sucks. Your food sucks. Your music sucks. You have no style. Why is it that you feel you are our betters?

Mara-yannick Noah

AITOOW was shocked that a rasta looking beatnik from France had no problem with his son carrying the chronic? I just assumed everyone knew his bitter smelling unwashed hair was the result of his passion.

Whatchoo Talkin About Willis

AITOOW thinks Jen from Hell's Kitchen is Gary Coleman in a wig? She even has a similar catch phrase.

La Raza

AITOOW would like them to make tacos like this (meat cheese salsa lettuce - repeat!). When you do like it's traditionallly done you get half a meat taco and half a veggie taco. I want all flavors accounted for in each bite.

Here's Your Updated Itinerary

AITOOW can't stand corporations taking any excuse to try and sell you. Commercials, reminder emails, mailers, phone calls, etc. We know you're there. Relax. We'll find you when we need you. Then you can nickel and dime us to death. Or (this is crazy) make something we want and we'll find you. How about you funnel those marketing dollars into R&D or Customer Service so you can retain a customer once you get one.

More(house) of the Same

AITOOW laughed and laughed when they heard that Morehouse College has 1 white undergrad and he was the valedictorian? Keep breaking down stereotypes.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is Disgusted

AITOOW saw a whale named Alanis Morissette this morning? What is wrong with you bitches? If I ate cake all day in a recliner I couldn't achieve that. Bet her husband's happy. And cheating is wrong?

Speed Racer

AITOOW didn't think Speed Racer was that bad? Visually it marvelous - so glad that Richard Donner didn't get to do this. The plot was plausible. And though I went in thinking every role was miscast, I didn't walk out hating them. BTW I had only seen parts of one show way back. So I knew just enough to make a comparison.

Take Time To Stop and Buy a Clue

AITOOW was shaking their head listening to a a 40 year old fat, black, wigged, stupid, divorcee with diabetes and a retarded kid bemoan the fact that she can't get a Prince Charming. You are not from an established family. You are a clown for a living. Lord knows why you had to be born again. Where do you think you land on the draft chart? If you were applying to college you would qualify for a Community College not the Ivy league. Your only marketable quality is that you may accumulate money (in the future). Get a clue. It would also be nice if you realized how chauvanistic your attitude towards men is. Every "vice" (can't support himself, etc) you derided them for is pretty much the status quo for females and probably part of package you want from this "accepatab;e" man. It just goes to show what I always say - women just want to go from daady's house to the same set up in someone elses house. It shouldn't be the Peter Pan complex. it should be the Petra Pan complex. I would also like to add that although you are in the bottom 20% of eligible mates now, you are quickly approaching the bottom 5%. Do you know how quickly women decay after 40? And what exactly is your purpose after menopause? Get a vibrator and be done with it. Unless....is Al Reynold's still available?

Hoisted

AITOOW finds it ironic that John McCain (the champion of campaign finance reform) will be outspent nearly 5 to 1 because of the laws he enacted?

Scholar-jips

AITOOW doesn't understand why we give people that are going to top out at middle management positions scholarships? They don't need a college education to do what most of them will be doing.

Secondaries

AITOOW finds it funny that some states moved up their primaries to be more relevant in the year when the later state primaries were just as relevant?

Scufflers

AITOOW wants to strangle these sportscasting hillbillies that say "scuffling" (as in he's really been scuffling at the plate lately) when they mean "struggling". Scuffling is hand to hand combat not difficulty succeeding. Now you know - Jim Bob.

Black Contagion

AITOOW doesn't understand the potency of a single black person in a social environment? You put one on a sports team and every white kid is grandstanding and acting violent. You put one in a bar and people are getting out of his way. You put one in a club and every white person is trying to dance his way. You never see the opposite. Imagine it. One white kid in a black school getting everyone to act polite. One white kid in a bar getting them to make a path. One white guy in a club starting a conga line. Who does this say more about?

America's Next Top Political Statement

AITOOW thinks they rigged this so they could make a political statement about weight? They've been probing this issue for a few seasons now. I realize that most of the finalists were bad, but, a fat girl is NEVER pretty (let alone model pretty). Notice how women become more sensitive to weight issues once they became fat themselves (see Tyra Banks). The African girl should have won.

Tommy Boy

AITOOW can't find a bigger douche bag than the man who wears a Tommy Bahama shirt?

Adult-escents

AITOOW who thinks we can break down personalities into three groups? Group 1 (Statists) - they want the state to become their parents. Group 2 (Dieists) - they want a god to become their parents. Group 3 (Adults) - they don't need parents.

Aye Mom, Nay Dad

AITOOW who finds it perplexing that Westerners can not wrap their heads around the influence of an Imam over "moderate" Moslems? What exactly is a Priest or a Rabbi? Aren't they supposed to be interpreters of their holy books? Aren't they supposed have the final say on theoligic questions. Don't they have influence over "moderate" Christians and Jews? Here's a bulletin - you are all the same (deluded). One just has more balls than the others.

Know What I'm Saying?

AITOOW eschews phrases that have zero communicative value? Like "It is what it is" or "He's going to do his thing" or "That's just X being X". What are you trying to say?

Baby Ma Ma

AITOOW thinks there is nothing as disagreeable as a black woman (or female as they call them - they are obviously livestock of some sort). They are often fat, ugly, pubic headed, ashy, loud, uneducated, uncultured, rude, vulgar, diseased, opininated, violent, and hypersensitive. Let me give you two anecdotes that illustrates their extraneousness. At least black men (allegedly) have a big dong. I can't see any exentuating feature that would make a black woman desirable (I mean they do whoop it up in bed. But, that's actually more annoying than titilating). #1 - At the Post Office. I'm trying to find out how rates are charged. She says "I just punch in the numbers and the computer gives a price". I calmly ask "Why is it double what I paid last week. Is it something you did? Or is the pricing system designed to increase prices precipitously based on incremental differences (I didn't use those words)?" She says (now with attitude and a look that says she is 100% certain) "Neither". I say "Well it has to be one or the other?" She says (with not a hint of doubt) "It's neither". The problems are that she acted like I couldn't tear her head off I wanted to and that she was smarter than me. I guess if you are dumb enough to work in a post office, you are dumb enough not to know you are dumb. #2. Black girl (or is it biatch) on the radio says "This country is racist because I get passed over for promotions because I'm black". Is it that (suprisingly the answer that require the least refection) or could it be that; no one respects your college admission because it was sponsored by affirmitive action, you got special treatment to get the degree, everyone else has the same degree (with a better GPA or harder majors) and let's say - a GOOD personality or more years on the job or better connections, will work for less, will work longer, will bang the boss. You are not exactly an objective jury when you evaluate yourself. Yet, she could not have been more sure. See what happens when you baby a baby all the way through to adulthood. The real world smacks them in the head. There's no more principal to run to. Someone really needs to explain how worthless a degree is by itself and how impotent academics are in the real world. It's actually sad that people in that situation don't really know that the finish line is not a degree or that there mentors are ridiculed. From where they start from it must seem like alot of effort just to get to the starting line only to find out it is just the starting line (maybe that's why they mislead them. They wouldn't try if the knew the effort required). The point is she was to stupid to know she was wrong and to arrogant/lazy to objectively assess the situation.

JFK Redux

AITOOW gets deja vu thinking about Robot choosing The Cackler as a Veep. It seems all too reminiscent of a young JFK "choosing" a coniving LBJ at a contentious convention. And you know the rest of the story.