Jerry Wright

AITOOW understands that Jerry's latest appearances are not acts of vindictiveness against Barry. They are merely an attempt to acquire the "pulpit" of black society and guard the industry of black dependency. Like Jessie, Fat Albert, et al, Jerry can't keep himself in zoot suits without a disenfranchised black populace that can play on white guilt for reparations, blackmail and charity. Just like the southern sharpee that frequented pool halls and picket fences outside of social gathering places, he needs an audience of ignorant, unsatisfied hayseeds to spin yarns around. Without them he is an unemployed dilitante. With them he is a pedagoge. He has celebrity. He has respect. He has purpose. Unfortunately for him, he is so imersed in afro-centricity that he can't see that he doesn't need to stop integration. Barry is not a threat to his paradigm. This is a class issue not a race issue. Dependency is an issue that speaks to a large audience.

Jonah Hill

AITOOW thinks this hedgehog is not remotely funny. Out of all the untalented Apatow entourage, he is by far the worst. His mumbling, stoner schtick is neither witty nor
original. Here's a tip. Seth Rogen is the invisible line you don't want to cross. As far as obscure, character actors that may break through for a movie or two, you can't be stupider, uglier, stranger, or crasser than him. Anything beyound Rogen and you have entered the unappealing zone and you should not be exhibited for public consumption. People barely get the Jew-topian rantings of Rogen. Anything beyond him is only understood by teenagers with Jew-fro's who have spent time masturbating to Israeli travel brochures at a Jewish summer camp.

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner - A Racist

AITOOW can extrapolate sentiment from the latest poll numbers out of Pennsylvania. Black men 89% for Robot. Black women 87% for Robot. White Women 68% for Rod Harm. White Men 56% for Rod Harm. It would appear to me that Black men are the most racist. Followed by black women. And then it's white women (let's add sexist here too). The three groups that most vociferously abuse all other groups into accepting equality and cultural blindness are the worst violaters of that policy (no shock here). The working class white male that Robot can't break through to (because they are so provincial) seems to be low hanging fruit compared to their wives. Shouldn't that have been the story line in PA? Let's hope this signals a shift in the program of indoctrination. Let's focus on the most itinerenet racists in our country in the same way (an indoctrination program of shame and ostracization) that apparently has worked so well on the white male. That is if equality is the goal. It is? Right? Anyone?

NOW That's A (S)hit

AITOOW doesn't understand how we always have a super annoying song every year? Just when we get rid of Who Let The Dogs Out we get hit with Crank That and then Low. The worst are the ones that come packaged with a ghetto dance that all little white girls think makes them "hard". It makes me soft. You can't escape. It really makes me think that I'm in Hell and just haven't had my orientation meeting yet.

Leonna Lewis

AITOOW was bewildered at the size of Leonna Lewis' knees on AI? Her leg, cankles and ass are huge like most Halfro women (see Alicia Keys) but I've never seen puffy knees of that size. Here's hoping that it doesn't spawn another ethnic fad like collogen lips. Is she the spawn of Lennox Lewis? It would explain the heft.

TV Detectives

AITOOW wishes these clowns would have a little humility. You would think that after say their thousandth incorrect assumption about who the actual perpetrator was that a slight measure of doubt may creep into their smug know it all demeanor. Whether it's Law and Order or CSI (et al), they always accuse the wrong person to begin with. I'm not saying they are dumb (although I can't recall a top level university alum among them and all the people who couldn't get into college in my home town became cops) but could you remain a little apprehensive about tearing up someones life. Are you prenaturally wired to try and tie up the case as soon as possible? Do you get a bonus if you churn 'em and burn 'em. Are any of your "gut" impulses founded in applicable experience? While this is done to fill an hour of dramady, I have a sneaking suspicion it is even worst in real life.

Why Hockey Sucks

AITOOW can't get into this sport because of penalties. For instance, the Flyers beat the Caps last night in the series deciding game because they were up a man. The only time anyone scores in this yawn inducing league is when they are up a man. While it is a hairs breadth superior to "suck-er", it's still lame. How can you get excited about something that has as much to do with superior athletic ability and team work as Keno? Why don't they roll dice like they do in Dungeons and Dragons?

Hockey Pucks

AITOOW can not get a decent burger at a sit down restaurant. I swear McDonalds et al are better. Applebee's, Ruby Tuesday, Chilis, any diner. It's all the same. Here's a cooking tip - pressing the spatula down on the meat does not make it cook faster! It squeezes all the juice out and burns the outside into a carcinogenic layer. How can you work in a kitchen and not even learn something that a inexperienced water boiler like me learned while watching the Food Network. And don't even think about medium. They obviously have too much to do back there to keep an eye on it's cooking time. I mean you can only spit on one burger every 3 seconds. And Lord knows how long it will take them to bust a nut on it with the whole kitchen watching. Fuck the freshness guarantee. I would just like a bodily emission free guarantee.

Lashing Out

AITOOW doesn't understand the false eye lash fad. Even if they are the good kind that don't look like stickers, they look like shit. You look like a hispanic prostitute. Get a faux gold chain with your name on it and some chandelier earings while you are at it. Here's a tip. If it's from an culture south of France it is low class. If you see it in a poor neighborhood, it's tasteless.

Email

AITOOW starts typing in the content box and then looks up and sees that for some reason the cursor has moved somewhere else. Why does it do this? I really love retyping whole sentences. It's almost as good as when you have two windows open and the other window replaces the one you are on.

Time Machine

AITOOW thinks the split of the homo sapiens has begun as imagined by HG Wells. I swear that there is 95% of the planet that is trogladytic and 5% that is super hot. There is no middle ground. It's either vomit inducing or uncontrolled boner inducing.

Gold Dust

AITOOW finds that Whoopi Goldberg never can find the main issue of a topic. In law school they call it the holding. She would be dismissed in year 1. She always pontificates as if she is the sole source of reason on the panel. But, she is always arguing a point that is not at the heart of the discussion. Sherri Shepard is just dumb but at least she doesn't act like she knows it all. And Alf (aka Joy Behar) is just a zealot. But, Whoopi thinks experience is a substitute for intelligence. Here's a tip. Reason out issues abstractly. Not just from how the affect you.

Hip Hip Tupee

AITOOW looks at every hair transplant "model" and thinks they look ridiculous. Hairlines do not grow straight up at a 180 degree angle from the sideburns and then hang a ninty degree turn on the top of your fivehead. And why do they always comb it up? Comb it down so it more of that fivehead is covered. How is it that guys like McConnaghy and Bon Jovi get such good results and those Bosley freaks look like shit. Are they wigs?

Hey Look At Me. I'm On TV.

AITOOW wishes they had a sniper at sporting events to take out the losers who mug for their friends on the other end of their cel phones. These fifteen minuters were annoying distractions before the cel phone became ubiquitous. Now they are infuriating. Hey, look at me. My mother didn't give me enough attention as a child.

Political Tangents

AITOOW gets nauseous when a politician, official, or politico deviates or leads into a question asked with a scripted paragraph reiterating a talking point or opinion that has nothing to do with the question. For example: What do you think about X? Answer: Well given this administration handling of X, Y, Z (totally unrelated.... OR well X (not the subject of the initial question) believes in X, Y, and Z (totally unrelated)... I mean do they think it's even effective? I know that there is sentiment for a thing called traction through repetion, but, I believe it's another rule of thumb with no scientific substantiation. I thought this field was called Political Science. I think there is relatively little science behind it. It's just another aspect of 18th century methodolgy in our "modern" world - conclusions drawn from relatively little personal experience. It's caused by our brief time on this planet. We have a relatively small sample of data to draw our conclusions and often over value their effects. For example - I was hurt be X type of person once or twice so all those types of people (millions) will treat me similiarly. I suppose it's understandable considering the type of person that permeates this field. Engineers and mathemeticians usually concern themselves with more important issues and that pretty much exhausts our supply of big thinkers. It's our loss that they don't have time for the petty issues that end up affecting us the greatest amount of the time.

Fox Sports Baseball

AITOOW is having trouble understanding how any of the three studio hosts have a job? I really think they would be picked last if this were elementary school and the whole world was eligible. Jeannie Zalasko has something worse than that last name. It's her hatchet job (no not her snatch but I bet it's huge if the corolation between it and a girl's nose is true). That is the worst nose job I've ever seen. It's nauseating. It's like a stretched out piece of Silly Putty. Mr. Potato Head laughs at it. Erik Karros has more of a mush mouth than Dan Dierdorf. He looks like he has AIDS (which would explain some of the rumors that were tossed around about him and Mike Piazza and his mannerisms). Wait maybe it's the aftermath of a stroke. He's balding. Kevin Kennedy is a zit beard with a porn stash. He makes you want to play darts. But worst of all, they mis-speak all the time and rarely say something illuminating. Zalasko just confirms everyones suspicions that girls can not do sports. It's just an added insult that she's not even something to look at. All this just makes me wonder what the criteria for being employed in this field is. It really feels like a lottery.

Could

AITOOW wants "could" removed from news reports. Jobless numbers could go up. Deaths could go up. Guess what. They could also go down. They could stay the same. This is not news. This is not analysis. This is not opinion. This is filler.

Statistics

AITOOW understands that most statistics are estimates. Whether it's the fish population in the Amazon or CO2 levels, they are calculated using methods that have huge rates or error. Another factor that makes these estimates highly questionable is when and how they were calculated. Take global warming for instance. Do you really think that the temperatures on record from one hundred years ago were accurately taken by some douche bag with a mercury thermometer? That's if they weren't just making up numbers like you do with business expenses. And we haven't even gone into massaging the numbers.

Double Talk

AITOOW wants to choke politicians that take both sides of an issue. Take Iraq and troop levels. First they said we must maintain a small imprint or it would be an occupation - the reason we lost the hearts and minds in Vietnam. Then they said we didn't have enough troops. Now they say we are too stretched (which is why Rumsfeld didn't want to commit all our forces to begin with. Does anyone remember we were inching towards war with North Korea). On oil: we can't "loan" them money for reconstruction we have to give it to them or it will seem like this was an imperialistic war. Now it's the Iraqi's should pay us back. On civil rights: all people are equal. Now it's Iraqi's are too primitive for democracy. On the surge - it's working. Now after minor attacks, it's chaos. Sounds like everyday life in Israel if you ask me. On diplomacy: We should talk with our enemies. Now it's boycott the Bejing Olympics. I could go on but what's the point. They'll still be jumping from one position to another and our ADD society will ignobly ignore it.

Ma'am

AITOOW has an answer for the troll in that McDonald's commercial? You became a ma'am at least ten years ago. Sorry about the news flash.

MLK

AITOOW thinks that there has been progress made since he died? How else do you explain that 87% of people think that racism is reprehensible? It was third on a list of "sins" (March USA Today poll). Drug use was only around 60%. The brainwashing of America's youth is firmly established in this area. MLK, Rosa Parks and Orca were recently rated among the 10 greatest Americans of all time. Most high schools students are taught about the Civil Rights movement in lieu of the Revolution. I'd say that the area has received some attention. Critics say that there hasn't been progress in the areas where it means the most. Any lack of progress in social or economic terms is strictly the result of their own limitations. America is a great case study for the abilities of all races or nationalities. We have the whole world in this experiment and all have equal opportunities for advancement under the law. There is no more equitable system for judging these groups against each other. And while it may not be a perfect contest, it certainly lends support to what the results would be in a perfect one. If you can't succeed here you find out alot about yourself. What's the rebuttal? The ascension of the African nations on the world stage perhaps? I forgot about those damn colonials. Because they only colonized Africa, right? Slavery really stopped the Jews in their tracks (that was black on white slavery BTW).

Election Prediction

AITOOW predicts that the longer the Democrat primary lasts that those who vote in it will not vote again in the general election. Some say it's great that these states that are usually irrelevant at this point in the campaign are still relevant. I say you can only ask the electorate to participate once every four years. I predict that if Shillary wins the "new" voters and blacks won't burden themselves with another trip to the polling station in November. And if Robot wins the white male Dems and single mothers will do the same. Democrats are notoriously lazy about making that arduous trip to the ballot box. I can't see how this continuous struggle won't wear out their ardour if it continues. They were inspired by 8 years out of office and their hatred of GB. Now that hate has been redirected or dissipated by this drawn out campaign.

NPR Scandal

AITOOW was shocked when NPR Radio reported that paint suppliers in some African country would only sell to people who had money to buy it. Those capitalist pigs. It was so funny how this reporter just casually feigned indignation as she reported - like it was her hundreth time reporting on such a scandal. She might have not realized what she was saying, but, that just made it all the more incredulous. This could have been her "programming" reporting. The worst part of getting older is that you realize how incompetent people/positions you used to revere are. This is a "professional" journalist! All be it on a "community theater" radio show.

Foreclosures

AITOOW is grinning from ear to ear when they heard that banks are ignoring defaulters because they don't have the staff to handle the numbers. It's priceless that their cost cutting has finally effected them instead of the us for once. And you thought we needed government intervention.

Post Office

AITOOW who doesn't understand the concept of insurance at the post office. I'm supposed to pay into a fund that re-imburses me if you can't do a job you told me you could and charged me for?

AI Love Child

AITOOW thinks that that Archuleta kid looks alot like Ben Stiller's "love child" in Meet the Fokkers? He needs to be Eddie on any Munster's remake.

Philanthropicrites

AITOOW finds it a little bit disingenuous when a person only begins to support a cause once it has affected them. We are suppossed to ease the burden on someone else who doesn't care about anything that doesn't affect him and didn't care about this until it affected him. Whether it's Trace Adkins inbred defect who suffers from food allergies or any woman and breast cancer, I'll support you when you support everyone else. Or at the very least, supports anything else but something that affects them. Until then, zip it. And what is the tally on cancer research anyway? This has to be the biggest money drain since Pope Leo started selling absolution.