Thumbs Up Their Ass

AITOOW wonders why music reviews are so uncritical? Compared to movie reviews, they are downright toothless. And 99% of music sucks.

Go Tail Gaters

AITOOW thinks football may be so popular because its fans are always so drunk that they can never remember the last game they watched?

The Ghetto Of Eden

AITOOW who thinks that the best proof that black people are lazy is the fact that they still wouldn't have left Africa (although every other race has) if not for force?

Sweet Sixteen

AITOOW thinks the Republicans don't have to do any of the things the analysts think they have to do to win next time around? The Democrats used up their minority wild card and they have no other brown candidate in the rotation. The blacks won't show up to the polls for a non-black. They are the predominant racists in the country at this point in time. I'm not sure I can say the same for the Hispanics, but, if you peal away the black vote and baby boomers continue to be scared by the new face of the Democrat party then the results will be different. Just don't nominate another Wall St plutocrat.

Who's The Boss

AITOOW thinks that the only people with a sense of entitlement should be the ones who pay for yours?

The Naked Truth

AITOOW thinks women aren't really modest? It is only self-consciousness that causes them to hide their bodies.

Miss Cast

AITOOW thinks the girl from Revolution (although still eminently fuckable) looks like a low rent Scarlett Johanssen and looks like she is thirty though playing sixteen? She has crows feet, laugh lines and brow tracks. She also has four ticks - nostril flare, scowl, swallow, and exhale. Almost as awful an actress as Kristen Stewart.

You Can Fool Most Of The Peole All Of The Time

AITOOW wonders what the Commander of Put It On My Tab (good thing there is no balloon payment on his debt) has done to make people think he is showing leadership in the wake of Sandy? Is it the photo op? Is it walking around the debris? Doesn't he have a "czar" for this? If that guy wasn't good enough, what does that say about his decision making? Aren't they already complaining in Staten Island? And does Crispy Christie think he has any shot of ever becoming President after selling out his party for a few borrowed dollars?

Obamanable Snow Job

AITOOW wonders if Obamanation believes in a "level playing field" that it follows that he is against affirmative action? And did you hear? He has Sandy on the run.

Name of the Ruse

AITOOW wonders why the step parents/rebels allowed Luke Skywalker to keep his surname if they were trying so hard to hide him from the Empire and his Father - Anakin SKYWALKER? Was Skywalker the equivalent to Smith in that universe?

Miss Piggy

AITOOW thinks girls in chunky heels look like they have hoofs?

Reaping Is Fundamental

AITOOW thinks the Fundraiser In Chief is so concerned with education (other than buying teacher's unions and keeping people for looking for non-existent jobs and making sure there are jobs for immigrants that no educated person would accept) because he wants as many opportunities as possible for the Left to brain wash future generations? Maybe it's to make sure they have so much debt that they will be constantly dependent on hand outs. Maybe so (like his wife) they can marry well and drop out of the job market.

Crime and Punishment

AITOOW wonders why murder is the worst crime one can commit in a Judeo-Christian society? If you believe in an afterlife, aren't you doing them a favor and fast tracking them to a better world? Other crimes take something from the victim that they have to live with in this life. Is the law so strict because they are worried about the killer's soul? But, I thought that a pure soul had to be self-regulating. Are they worried that a random killing will strip the victim of his last rites? Can't that happen with natural or accidental deaths? Are they worried that the victim (if sinful) is stripped of their chance to atone? But, that can also happen with natural or accidental deaths? I don't even want to go into the impotent God debate (free will). Maybe it's a crime because what it takes from the family and friends and society? But, then shouldn't it be punished like other thefts?

Eight Wasn't Enough

AITOOW thinks Ethel Kennedy's pussy is ignorant of the feel of latex?

I'll Have What She's Having

AITOOW thinks that undecideds are so clueless that they just follow the crowd? This means whomever is ahead in the polls when they vote gets their vote.

Wet Behind The Ears

AITOOW has heard people are complaining about water rates going up? I saw a expose this summer that says the real culprit might not be new regs or supply v demand. It is derivatives. Many hayseed water management officials bought derivative products from financial institutions that they didn't understand. They just wanted/needed cheap money. The rates they were charged were variable and very sensitive/leveraged. If conditions changed then the borrower would end up losing money very fast. Guess what. Conditions changed and these agencies were on the hook for millions. So just remember that the next time your rates go up. It's going to Wall St speculators not to improving infrastructure.

BTW - this is why you hear that municipalities are also going bankrupt.

I Play One On TV

AITOOW would like them to investigate the people they use in political ads to see if they are full of it?

Bully Shit

AITOOW thought it was funny when all the people who were wary of also being called fat tried to shout down the guy who called that fat newswoman fat by claiming he was a bully? And what exactly were you doing to him?

Baker's Dozen

AITOOW thinks a guy named Mitt should have been better at hitting the hanging breaking balls Obambino was tossing out last night? Now maybe his handlers told him he would come off as unlikeable if he launched these meatballs into outerspace, but, I would have swung away. Here are some pitches I would swing away at at the next debate if repeated: 1. When he invokes his "economic advisors" for validity - retort that you don't need to rely on others to explain financial matters to you. You understand the concepts because you understand economics. 2. When he slams the Bush tax cuts - keep asking why did you extend them and remind people that Slick Willy left office in a recession and a dotcom implosion. Then thank Bush (and get points for your Congressional running mates) and the Republicans in Congress for passing the bill. Then remind people about how 9/11 slowed the economy and Democrats and Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac sunk the economy not the Republicans. Start by saying "I'm not going to insult the American people by lying to them. I'm not going to insult them by speaking as if they can't understand". 3. When he champions the jobs he created - remind people the Bush created more jobs (with no stimulus for union employees and governmental expansion) than he has. Also explain how they are getting their numbers (using every trick in the book, counting jobs saved and estimates ). 4. When talking about grid lock - keep harping on your time in Mass and contrast it with his demeanour as a despot. Say I would do this because in America we have a separation of powers and I don't think I'm the King like you do (can interject executive orders and Obamacare legislative maneuverings and vote buying here). 5. When he goes off on student loans - respond that what good is it to give a child an education if they don't have a job in which they can use what they learn. Explain to young people that the debt and entitlements (including their own) eventually will fall to them. 6. When he looks weary - ask him if he needs a break because he looks spent. 7. If he muddles his answers again - say "I expected an attorney to be better at cross examination or summation. 8. When he talks about his Jobs Act or education or the auto bailout - explain that it only inures to union supporters. Ask him if he loves us all why he only seems concerned with them (recall the stimulus). Explain that Ford didn't take money and Chrysler (a hedge fund holding) was bought by a foreign company (Fiat) 9. When he talks about bank bailouts - ask him why it was the Republicans in Congress that initially vetoed in because they were worried about Main St. 10. When he talks about having patience for his agenda - ask why four years isn't enough. Ask him what he thinks he will accomplish in a historically lame duck second term. 11. If he talks about jet plane deductions - ask him if he means the ones like Air force One that he used more than another President to take date nights, to campaign, to fund raise and to take vacations. 12. Remind people how his clean energy policies and oil pipeline veto raised energy prices (a tax) and the lower dollar decreases our comparative wealth in the world (how even the stock market gains are negated due to lower NPV). 13. When he derides you for being unspecific - ask if he means something like Hope and Change?

Finally, ask him why he thinks throwing money at problems is an acceptable philosophy (maybe cite how much per student we already spend), ask him if there is a lower class and why he never references them or by saying middle class does he really means them (because his policies seem aimed at them - food stamps, unemployment, paying off minority legal claims, training programs, etc., play up your missionary work, contrast your charitable giving, remind people that patronage does not start and end with strangers earmarking your money, explain how your personality/experience is more conducive to consensus building, explain that he may be better working outside the system (use his quote) to accomplish his goals and say you will lower your salary and take $1 a year (or donate the remainder to charity - probably PBS because you botched that).

Look Alikes

AITOOW thinks these people look alike? Roger Federer's wife and Bristol Palin, Isla Fisher and Bernadette Peters, Lily Colins and a mix of Ellen Page and Audrey Hepburn.

Why They Get The Big Bucks

AITOOW thinks it's genius what stores like Target and JC Penney are doing? They are putting stores within their stores. Genius. If only there were stores that already did this. Like say - Macy's, Bloomindales, Sears or Nordstrom. Wait I have a better idea. How about a big building where they have different stores shoulder to shoulder.

Live From Jew Nork

AITOOW thought it was typically convenient that NBC scheduled a prime time bashing of Romney near to the election? I mean a Socialist Night Line episode.

Retractionary

AITOOW thinks it's funny that it turns out that the only one right about the embassy murders was the guy they said was jumping to conclusions? Not that the other side didn't jump to their own conclusions, but, they just happened to be wrong as usual. 0 for 2. I guess when you are so used to fabricating excuses for your own cliques delinquency, instinct takes over.

Point Counterpoint

AITOOW wishes someone would analyze certain maxims/books to see if they are correct? Take The Art of War. Is it true that you should never underestimate your advesary or do you waste certain advantages/opportunities by overestimating the competition. At least construct a counter arguement.

Bird Brains

AITOOW thinks it's funny that Twitter's big strategy is to allow you to add photos and video? Hmm. Seems like I've heard of a business that lets you do that already. A (piece of) copy (FB) of a copy (My Space) of a copy (Friendster). Imaginative. I also think it's funny that they think they have done something bold (social revolution) by existing. This medium will be co-opted by the powers that be sooner than later and devolve into the same paradigm. The current CEO seemed unsure (perhaps hiding his cards) how big business (why does it always come down to that?) would adapt to his medium. Stage 1 (already happening): taste makers will be paid to tweet a testimonial. Stage 2 (may be happening): companies will stage events for the sole purpose of encouraging people to tweet about them. Can't wait until this devolves into riots and war initiated by big biz.

Poisoned Well

AITOOW thinks people are so stupid because everyone constantly lies to them? Leaders, media, teachers, etc. They are just one big wellspring of misinformation (manipulation).

November Reign

AITOOW thinks John Kerry...err Mitt Romney will lose in November because: (other than the Dems have succeeded in creating a Nanny state) 1. People no longer believe that the path to prosperity is the untethering of the business community. Most people now believe the pendulum has swung to far towards laissez-faire and it doesn't result in a place for them. 2. Most people don't want the US to be the policeman of the world. They are willing to dig their head in the sand if it allows them the illusion of peace. 3. Most people prefer the devil they know to the devil they don't. 

Coloring The Truth

AITOOW thinks it's disingenuous when people say that certain communities suffer from a plague (say of violence, crime or drugs)? Like the people who live there aren't responsible for it. Like it is some pestilence set upon them by nature or a fictional godhead.

The War Against Americans

AITOOW wonders why if the majority of Moslems are moderate that they never seem to win an election? Can you imagine what the media/political characterization would be to similar vitriol would be if these provacateurs were white and had shaved heads and swastika tattoos? What if similar threats (death/violence) were being made by a man towards his wife? They would evicerate the proponent. And do you notice that the media reactively derided the supposedly incendiary film without ever explaining to us what were the components that made it such (or if they were true). Is it because they didn't bother to research them and are just trying to shield the Spender In Chief from criticism. How many times does it have to be explained to politicians? Arabs conduct power politics. Any sign of capitulation is seen as a declaration of weakness. It only emboldens them.

Holding Out for A Zero

AITOOW doesn't understand why teams have to pay players the full value of their contract after they hold out? They show up unmotivated and out of shape. The rarely meet expectations during the season. How do the owners not address this during negotiations with the union?

The Cable Lie

AITOOW gets the wrong description on what is supposed to be playing on their cable channels too many times?

Fraggle Talk

AITOOW thinks ESPN is trying a little too hard to make tennis jiggy? Who is that black Muppet with the Andre the Giant voice they use as an "analyst"? He is a reach at best. The worst type of tokenism outside of the Republican convention.

Dance Your Life Away

AITOOW agrees with those who think the Arts are essential to the public school curriculum? They are invaluable when you don't have a job.

Miami Vice

AITOOW wonders if Dwight Coward (The Dirty Dozen) is giving advice to LeMoron Shame? After you (arguably) escape the shroud of infamy surrounding your attempt to game the NBA, you try and reward your remaining supporter's by bringing out a shoe at $300+. Can you (and your people) sense which way the wind is blowing? Do you have any common sense? How are you still listening to the hood rats that advised you during your free agency? How can a forehead like that encase such a tiny brain? I can't believe what a gift you are to the people who dislike you. Keep it up. Talent to South Beach. Brain still in Cleveland.

Fielder's Dreams

AITOOW wonders if there is any miscue that is called an error anymore?

Little Gig

AITOOW doesn't understand who likes to watch baby baseball? Let alone at the levels they televise it.

Tricky Mitt

AITOOW thinks Mitt Romney is starting to look like Richard Nixon physically?

In My Dreams Team

AITOOW hasn't seen a lick of Olympics basketball or soccer (land hockey)? I know NBC has to keep something special for the morons that subscribe to their cable sports network, but, can that subscription fee really bring in more dollars than they can get from advertisers on their regular channels? I guess so or someone would get fired for supporting that decision. Not that I care because their own local news networks and the competition keeps reporting who wins before the tape delay is aired.

RE-turn To Sender

AITOOW thinks every "re:..." notation in an email subject line indicates junk status?

Super Bad

AITOOW wonders when everything became "super" something?

Tossing In The Towel

AITOOW wonders if ball boys should be wearing gloves when they handle those sweat drenched, snot filled germ rags tennis players toss to them?

Pret A PoorTaste

AITOOW wonders how dedicated you can be to winning when you show up with a full length weave, jewelery and makeup?

Olympic Meddles

AITOOW enjoyed the Olympics more when it was a nip fest?

Another Training Exercise?

AITOOW wonders why there has been no speculation that the system "glitches" at Nasdaq for Facebook and at Knight Capitol were acts of cyber-terrorism? Can it hurt to ask the question?

Twist and Spout

AITOOW isn't shocked that our Obfuscator In Chief is now trying to pin the recession on trickle down economics (and somehow on his opponent)? Now I'm no fan of leveraged economy that made the Baby Boomer's rich by stealing from their children, but, this crisis was caused by the Democrats wish that everyone get a house (made possible by their B-lackey at Fannie Mae). Maybe the deficit can be partially blamed on this, but, not the recession. I blogged three years ago that this young man would sell his soul for a second term rather than be a different kind of politician. Nice to know people are so predictable. There is no reality he will not try and twist. I guess a mulatto really doesn't see black and white. 

Ex-Titled

AITOOW thinks we need to add some appropriate euphemisms for modern, self-congratulatory titles people have invented for themselves (to hide the banality and simplicity of their endeavours). We already have the effacing terms - "ambulance chaser", "bean counter", "talking head", "shrink", "bullshit arist", "slum lord". I wish to add - "Shylock/Money Lender/Loan Shark" for any VC/PE adherent. "Astrologist/Gypsy" for any financial planner/analyst. "Bookie or Fortune Hunter" for any financial transaction employee or hedge fund douche. "Clerk" for almost any sub-Exec-VP position at a business. "Baby Sitter" for any exec VP position or higher (can also be used for teachers). "Tooth Mason" for dentists. "Butchers" or "Refer-ists" or "Someone else's discovery mimic" or "Drug Pusher" or "Body Mechanic"for doctors. "Mother In Law/Yenta" for any consultant. "Organ Grinder's Monkey" for any performer. "Dilettante/Parasite" for any monarch/stay at home blank/on social assistance/researcher. "House Pimp" for any real estate broker. "Carnival Barker" for anyone is sales. "Wife" for anyone in purchasing". "Piss Boy/Girl" for any executive assistant. "Flying Piss Boy/Girl" for any flight attendant. I could spend all day on this, but, hopefully it will be more interactive (unlike most of this blog so far) if I leave the rest to be supplemented by you. 

God Save The Queens

AITOOW thinks Paul McCartney's plastic surgery makes him look like Bruce Jenner? And sing like him too.

Can Woman

AITOOW heard laughter at The Dark Night Rises when they exposed Marion Cotillard's new fun bags? Subtle.

Sing-aling

AITOOW who can't stop bagging on Carly Rae Jepsen? In her new song she is accompanied by some guy imitating the Death Cab For Cutie guy. If you wanted that weird cadence I'm sure he was available, cheap. Plus someone tell Adam Levine that no one identifies with payphones (if the still exist). Shouldn't the lyrics be changed to "that's what makes you vulnerable" from "that's what makes you beautiful". Is this Cher Lloyd idiot trying to channel Gwen Stephani right before she makes a comeback? Do you think Latins think that Golding girl is saying "Miho" (however they spell that word for my little one) instead of "calling me home"?

Cat Woman

AITOOW thinks we can add a category to the genus "cougar"? It would be a Jewish cougar. Or a Jew-guar. Or Jaguar if you prefer.

Gross Anatomy

AITOOW wonders what nature was thinking when they made genitalia? One looks like a hairy evacuation area that is suffering from an absurd case of hemorrhoids. The other is a veiny harpoon in a turtleneck with to accompanying Ka-bangers. One emits blood and smegma. The other spits out tuna fish milk. One expands to fit a watermelon (or champagne bottle). One shrinks into a jujubee. And the wrong one of each can spread disease or death. Great work. These are the objects man lusts after?

Hard Day's Fight

AITOOW thinks it is funny that one member of a relationship has a "hard day" giving away the proceeds of the other's "hard day"?

Call Blocked

AITOOW is more infuriated with this Call Me Maybe song every time they hear it? The idiot says "since you came into my life, I miss you so bad". When did she meet him? I thought this was the first sighting. And how can you miss someone upon meeting them? She also adds some drivel about all the boys chasing her. Is this supposed to be some pitiful form of self-promotion designed to entice him? Or is it just a non sequitor revealing her conceit or feeble mindedness?

Clothing Optional

AITOOW is sick of euro-fops bagging on the way tourists dress when they visit Europe? They are on vacation. They don't have to impress anybody. And only women and the poor would try to do that with dress. Plus, it is more sensible to pack lightly and for comfort. Plus, if you knew have little people valued your opinions you wouldn't offer them. You may have expensive clothes, but, you still put them together like gypsies.

Mass Hysteria

AITOOW wonders how much Romney-care contributed to the poor economic statistics that the left keeps citing in their attack adds?

For A Good Time Call...

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The Hippy Hippy Slake

AITOOW hears that a new book describes the children of baby boomers as over confident, egoistic, purpose finders who care more about finding themselves and expressing themselves than in getting a job? I wonder where they could have gotten that idea from?

With-Holder

AITOOW wonders if anyone has ascribed this nick name to the AG?

Commerce-shills

AITOOW finds fault with the following ads?

1. The McDonald's ad where they show a black guy lying about his housing situation. I do have to applaud them for showing a minority in uncomplimentary role (maybe we are post-racial), but, they seem to suggest that it is perfectly alright to lie to avoid embarrassment. Nice ethics.

2. The Apple ad where they trot out a host of inventors whose parts are in the IPhone. Some of these things were made long before the IPhone and some are devices that were simultaneously created by other companies at a similar juncture. The best is the inclusion of such ridiculous "inventions" as the Scrabble clone and Instagram (we put a polaroid border around your pic!). Nice attempt at co-opting innovation. What do you expect from a company that never made a unique contribution to the industry (see Xerox Parc Lab, Rio, etc).

3. The Subway commercial where the "chief" steals the fireman's sub. Again, nice to see that we can again make the black guy the malefactor, just surprising anyone has the guts to. I especially hate the girl who looks at him like he is an idiot for not confronting the thief. He's the boss! White men can't scream "hostile work environment" like you can, quota filler. I don't see you confronting him.

4. The ad in which some wrinkled old crone says Romney made her sick. If. If. You lost your job because of him it was probably inevitable. Strong companies aren't gutted for parts. You would have lost your job anyway. And you say you are 60. You would be retiring soon anyway. Millions of Americans have to pay for their own health care. Their work doesn't subsidize them. You should be happy you had the care you had for as long as you did. If you are sick, it is because you are old. That is what happens to old people. Nobody prevented you from using Cobra and finding your own insurance. If you chose not to buy it or it was too expensivee, that is your or maybe the insurance companies problem. In any event, it is a total stretch to say Romney made you sick. Grow up. 

In A Vacuum

AITOOW thinks that the only problem some people have with abortion is when it could be used to terminate pregnancies of "defective" babies? That may be the best reason for it! Do you think pro-lifers could stop a multitude of abortions if you called them racists? How about sexists? That leaves only white male embryos to fight about. And if some of those are homosexuals, halfbreeds or carry a birth defect, the fetus count drops further. We almost have a solution to the issue! I wonder how many abortions we are then talking about?

When You're Sliding Into First...

AITOOW wonders when diarrhea became "flushing"?

The Camera Doesn't Lie

AITOOW loves photo tags in Facebook? It lets you see what people actually look like.

Heat Index

AITOOW thinks skin color is pretty accurate instrument to measure levels of self control/tempestuousness?

Return To Sender

AITOOW thinks that the only thing that mail is good for is bringing in bad news? Bills, unwanted solicitations and threats are all it brings. And we spend billions to subsidize this demon.

Tax The Smug

AITOOW wishes that the spokespeople/celebrities that coerce you to send your hard earned dollars to some lame organization of their choice would have to pay a tax or fee for the right? How much do you want to bet that they don't even do so with their millions? They just expect the rest of us to bankroll their pet projects like we do their lifestyles. If you believe in the cause so much, YOU fund it. Stop trying to make yourself look philanthropic when you are doing nothing but reading a cue card. And stop running these guilt trips.

Chip Off The Old Black

AITOOW thinks it was hysterical and typical last week when Kareem Abdul Jabbar explained/highlighted that one of the "great" black inventors in his book (looked like a children's book) was a cook who invented the potato chip? The best part is that the guy only "invented" it to piss off a customer who kept complaining about his cooking. It was just a bout of spite that turned into a lucky accident. Who else is on this list? The guy who "invented" crack? 

Extreme Vacillating

AITOOW thinks that moderates are equally zealous? Their very position is formed by their refusal to side with one side or the other. It is as equally unbending a philosophy as those they profess to abhor because of the "extremism".

The Future is Cloudy

AITOOW wonders why news programs don't forecast anything but the weather? Why not forecast what the stock market will do? Why not forecast who will win a sporting event? Why not forecast political events? They couldn't be any more inaccurate than the weather guy.

Faggots Just Don't Understand

AITOOW thinks that being black was the only reason there was not any "bullying" or "homophobia" back lash against Will Smith for slapping that provocateur that tried to kiss him? Or at the least - cultural insensitivity. You know if the roles were reversed there would have been. Plus you could tack on a charge of racism. It's funny how this supposedly unacceptable behavior is only applicable to white men. Talk about a sub-conscious statement. And why does he talk like he is an old man without his dentures. How is he going to be a scientologist if he can't stand gay people?

What's Yours Is Mine

AITOOW finds the ignorance of the speaker in the anti-Romney ad all to typical? He says Romney will "take everything" if elected president like he did when he bought this tool's stupid plant. First off he is not buying the country. Second. Taxes and eminent domain are how the government takes away "everything". He's not the one demanding that. Third. When you buy a company "everything" is what you own and therefore allowed to "take". You are lucky he gave you a shot at all. Your old owners (those with the most info about the situation and those most familiar with your worth) gave up on you. Why would you expect anymore from some new jackass. I'm not sure if it was macro factors, bad management or bad execution that caused the sale. I don't care. I wish you working class morons could somehow get it through your thick skulls that you serve at the pleasure of the owners (those with money). They do not exist to provide you with purpose. If you want life time/dependable employment you should renounce your freedom and return to serfdom. You are lucky that some of those with money have some sort of psychological condition that forces them to establish these kinds of companies to increase the level of money that they already have more than they have use for. A smart, rich guy would just sit in his mansion and let your wife give him happy endings all week.

Fizz-book

AITOOW was subjugated to watching (airport) CNN's coverage of the Facebook IPO? How clueless were the talking heads (one bald douche was supposed a financial expert)? They knew nothing about what the moving parts are in an IPO, let alone the ways the can be manipulated. The only thing you learned from their "performance" is that they or someone they take marching orders wanted this IPO to be a rocket ship. I'm not sure if it was because that is how they prepared the supplements for the story or how they hoped to keep people tuned in or if it was politically motivated (good economic story for their boy Bambi) or sucking up to a potential advertiser. It was just sad. Almost as sad as the mayor of Newark (beneficiary of that charitable gift) painting a rosy picture of the debut when questioned about it. The state of journalism is just shameful. I remember when I used to feel stupid watching the news. Now I feel like I'm watching Evangelicals.

Tower of Babble

AITOOW wonders why ESL speakers mispronounce certain words? Are those sounds absent from their native tongue? Are they unable to get their mouth to make those sounds? Did they learn by ear (incorrectly) and don't know how the word is spelled so they can't sound it out? Is their accent so overwhelming that it takes over?

Comical

AITOOW thinks there are two maybe three pointless/non-super Avengers? Two of which were not even good enough to get their own movie. And why can't Bruce Banner just take an anti-depressant or mood inducer so he won't get angry? I still don't get how if Thor is a God how anything can beat him.

Cowardly and Lyin'

AITOOW thinks Dwight Coward is more Bizarro than Superman? And this has nothing to do with the injury. It was bad enough he stole the nickname, but, he single handedly reversed the correlation in one season.

Twin Cheeks

AITOOW thinks the following people look related? Dolly Parton and Joan Rivers. Andre Agassi and Pauly D. Bryce Dallas Howard and Jessica Chastain. Jeff Goldblum and Jon Cryer. Jason Siegel and Armie Hammer. Chris O'Donnell and the kid from Hunger Games. Matt Damon and Amanda Peet.

It's Not Success

AITOOW wonders what the odor is like at a black strip club?

Shug Bite

AITOOW knows that the more moist a baked good is the more sugar it has in it? They also replace fat with sugar in those low fat items.

Ooh Baby Baby

AITOOW wonders why teen birth rates are really down? Is it because girls are getting pregnant before they become teens? Is it because more parents are out of work and at home? Are more of them gay? Are shows like Maury scaring them? Is it morning after pills? Are teens no longer meeting face to face (just sexting)? Are more teen boys being serviced by adults (ie teachers).

Red Handed

AITOOW wonder how long it will be before there is an article on how some small town in the third world has lost its only source of income because some ridiculous vegans (who purport to be culturally sensitive) made Starbucks stop using lady bugs to color their fraps?

Tray-gonometry

AITOOW thinks the one thing the Trayvon incident teaches us is that blacks are more obsessed with ego than death? The only reason they are outraged is that a non-black emasculated the race by killing one of their own. If the "death" aspect of the incident was the worst aspect to them then every death would meet with this kind of outrage. But, they aren't appalled by the crime or even that the victim had the same skin color. If they were loyal "race" obsessives, every black on black crime would have a parade (err protest). No. What they care about is an affront to their ego from a non-black to their paper thin black pride. They just can't handle that the perpetrator wasn't black. It re-enforces feelings of inferiority and powerlessness. Which are paramount to an adolescent consciousness.

BTW - how tiny is Zimmerman?

To No A-Vail

AITOOW was glad to hear the ski season was a bust in the West? Take that dicks in Colorado who raised lift tickets 20%.

Offensive Marriage Act

AITOOW swears they remember Brad Pitt saying that he would only marry Angelina when all people who wanted to get married could get married? Guess that was another empty gesture from an opportunistic Hollywood fraud.

Sex, Lies and Media Drape

AITOOW thinks the Secret Service story will be swept under the rug by the media to save Bore-ack embarrassment? You know if this happened under a Republican's watch they would be clamoring about how this (encouraging prostitution) is just another piece of evidence on a war against women. And anything less than a "high tech lynching" would be seen as complicity. I'm not anti-SS and I believe that prostitution should be legalized, but, didn't Congress pass a law a few years back that made Americans liable for participating in acts that are illegal in the US while they are in foreign lands? I believe it was to stop sex crimes in particular. Who wants to bet that no news cast will be calling for charges to be filed against the agents. Once again to avoid embarrassing the Bore.

The Zit Bearded Lady

AITOOW wonders when they see a girl (who looks like she wears sensible shoes) with rashy acne all over her chin and cheeks if it is the result of going downtown on another girl? How else do you irritate that region?

Hillary Care Part 2

AITOOW doesn't understand how anyone is lauding the achievements of SOS Clinton? The post could have been vacant for the past 3 years and the results would be the same if not better. Dialogue (unilateral) with Iran. Result? No change in their behavior. Easing sanctions on North Korea. Result? Rocket testing and possible nuclear test. Missile reduction and selling out Poland by canceling the missile shield to appease Russia. Result? Nada. Middle East Revolutions. Result? Muslim Brotherhood takes over. Mexico. Result? Increased drug violence. Venezuela and Cuba? Nada. Pakistan? Nada? Afghanistan? Nada. Removing troops from Iraq? Instability. It has been a complete disaster. Now I'm not saying that some of those things weren't inevitable, but, where is the achievement? Selling out Israel?

Wet Ink

AITOOW thinks the newer their stufff - the newer their money?

The New Hooded Lynch Mob

AITOOW knows that prosecutors (special in an Olympic sort of way) only bypass grand juries when they know they won't return an indictment if they are seeking one? They are mainly used to provide political cover for an unpopular indictment or in cases where the evidence is weak. So what does this say about her feelings about the jury pool or the evidence or the grand jury system or her biases? The evidence is weak and there is no political risk in prosecuting because it is the victim's political group that is all atwitter. It looks like she wanted an indictment and wouldn't let the system frustrate her. Did you really expect anything else from someone for Blacksonville. It's almost as if she felt threatened and took matters into her own hands instead of letting the system do what it is paid to do.

BTW - has anyone seen a recent picture of the victim? He looks like Amare Stoudemire. He's huge. Nice to know he was on suspension from his HS for weed possession. Probably haven't heard that from your favorite news sources. Reminds me of Thomas Wolfe's Bonfire of the Vanities where they try and fictionalize the story of the victim. In that story, the victim was run over by a white couple. It caricaturizes some of same muck rackers that are fomenting disorder in this case. I hope Zimmerman's lawyer has read it. His case is the same song different verse.

Ad Wizz-ards

AITOOW hates the following commercials?

ATT's where some yenta in training gives her boyfriend the silent treatment. Could you be more of a JAP? I dated a JAP once and this girl is a perfect caricature of her annoyong cliches. Did the ad execs (from Jew Nork?) really think we think kind of snootiness and oy veh demonstrating is endearing. It's grating and degrading at the same time. Please don't leave the island.

Brighthouse's where they try to be "a friend". A friend doesn't force you to pay for something you can get for free. A friend gives you gifts. A friend doesn't put you on hold. A friend doesn't force you to buy packages. A friend doesn't break down constantly. A friend doesn't charge you to be a friend.

Domino's cheese crusts. First, it is just cut up crusts - hossah. Second, they say "big ideas" (this is a big idea?) don't usually come from the ground up. That's wrong. They just don't in tone deaf corporations that rely on consultants or their own squalid imagination - ostensibly like Dominos. Third, the CEO laughs when they say the guy who came up with the idea should become CEO. Why not? Why is this tool so much better? It's f-in pizza. How smart do you have to be stay the course on that. That guy couldn't even come up with the insanely complicated concept of cutting up crusts and powdering them with Parmesan. And his condescending dismissal of the suggestion just makes him look like the self interested corporate dick he probably is.

Im-material Girl

AITOOW who thinks Madonna's new song Beautiful Killer was probably penned at the same time she did that song for the James Bond film (90's?)? I'd bet dollars to ho-nuts that it was rejected for the movie but made it onto her new album because she couldn't come up with enough "material". Don't ask me how I came to hear the song. I'm sure you haven't heard it and have no idea what I'm talking about.

Coyote Ugly

AITOOW has figured out that the reason that guys don't call after sex is that they have sobered up?

Contra-per-ception

AITOOW wonders why people are fighting for free contraception for people who don't and won't use it to begin with? Have you ever seen an episode of Maury?

Al Sharp Tongue

AITOOW finds it hypocritical that certain muckrakers discourage a "rush to judgement" when the perpetrator is black, yet, arrive with their own noose when the victim is? And I'm glad that we finally see with whom our bi-racial/post racism president sides with. I guess color blindness is not an affliction he suffers from.

The Tighter The Sweater

AITOOW thinks that the fascination with big breasts is not solely a bigger is better proposition? Let's agree that men (maybe women) subconsciously like breasts because they gave us nourishment (positive reinforcement). It is presumed that they also like them as big as possible. I disagree. Have you ever seen one of those flabby sacks of flower with a fried egg in the middle up close. It's nauseating. What do you even do with them? Slap them around a few times? Dull. Give me a medium round little perky guy any time. I think one thing has created the big breast phenomenon. Clothes. When we could get a gander at the whole thing, proportion/symmetry ruled. Now that they are concealed (which is another subconscious motivation = the taboo), only the largest examples can be seen in sihlouette or can pop out of their captivity. So a man can only be titillated/attracted by women who are large. Now it would be fun to see who is responsible. Was it uptight men trying to control their libido through modesty. Or insecure (old, flat, saggy, large) women who didn't want to show their non competing breasts. In any case, you created a monster.

That's What She Said

AITOOW understands that when a person (girlfriend) says "be careful" they are really saying "don't fuck me over"?

...And Carry A Big Stigma

AITOOW wants to replace the words Jesus, Allah, Jaweh, etc with "conscience", "pride", "purpose", etc? You shouldn't be seeking the approval of some ersatz father figure. You should be seeking to please your own conscience. If these concepts are working through you or around you, it is one and the same. It shouldn't be WWJD (et al). It should be what would I do that would make make me proud of what I did. It shouldn't be Praise Jesus (et al). It should be praise my decision making process. By substituting a few words, you take the passivity out of conduct. It may also encourage atheists and alternative believers to explore the philosophies. Most of these names now interfere with the message they are trying to deliver.

Before Mom-osaurs Roamed The Earth

AITOOW thinks people used to have more fun and were happier before they started enforcing DUI?

Spanx for The Memories

AITOOW realizes that the "inventor" of Spanx didn't "invent" anything new? She just took something that existed before and substituted a different type of fabric. It's nice to see that this is what passes as innovation nowadays. Now I'm not old enough to know when this "scuba gear" (as Rob Lowe comments on in St Elmo's Fire) first made its debut. But, I am old enough to know that that horse face with the fake choppers isn't responsible for it.

Lice-steria

AITOOW notices that Chinese Take Out places now cook up huge piles of fried rice in advance and then just warm it up for you when you order? How old is some of that shit? Like they weren't dancing the tightrope of health code violations before this practice.

Iran-ium

AITOOW thinks the path to war goes through Israel? They attack. It is unsuccessful. They are retaliated against. We come in to "defend". That's the narrative we know and love.

Days Inn Confused

AITOOW is sick of people saying something is unbelievable and then believing it?

Anti-motion

AITOOW thinks all corporate promotions are pointless because the marketing department is always competing with the financial department over outcomes and the decision maker never choses a side. The result is a promotion that exists to be redeemed by the fewest number of people possible. How does that help sales? It's one of the stupdier things corporate America does. Why is it even regarded as a legitimate marketing strategy? At best, it is ignored (by customers who guess what you are up to). At worst, it alienates customers (who find out later what you are up to). And you have created all this overhead to administer the promotion. Just do normal advertising and cut the overhead or keep the quants out of it. Or greenlight a promotion that can achieve the goals it is meant to achieve.

Cry For Help

AITOOW thinks the real problem is not that institutions are too big to fail, but, too big to manage?

Product Warning

AITOOW has figured out that that Jane Seymour open heart necklace is faulty? She says that the open heart design lets love in. Somehow mine got turned upside down and love fell out.

American Adele

AITOOW wonders if this season of American Idol didn't get mixed up with The Biggest Loser? Is there some sort of Adele influence permeating the judges sub-conscious? Most are fat like her. Most warble like her. How do they continually start off with so many seemingly talented people and end up with pathetic top tens? Can't wait not to watch another season (after the auditions).

Color Me Bad

AITOOW wonders when color "prejudice" eclipsed all the "venal" sins and Ten Commandments as the number one most despicable act a man can perpetrate?

Re-hate-sionships

AITOOW who thinks marriage can never work because, eventually, it demands that you work for something you don't even want? Even one half of that equation is too much for a rational person.

Skies Wide Shut

AITOOW doesn't understand people who ask for the window seat on an airplane who proceed to close the shade for the entire trip? Thanks for taking away the only form of entertainment most flights have these days.

Crass Minaj-erie

AITOOW can't believe another white person screwed up another nationally broadcast event? No. Wait. That was Nikki Minaj who is black. And it was more larceny than heresy.

Sam I Ain't

AITOOW laughs at the deafening silence that greeted Sambo Jackson's (we know what the L stands for) admission that he voted for Obambi because he was a chocolate face? Not that we didn't know that that where all black people start and end their analysis. Can you imagine the hullabaloo that would have occurred if any untinted American had uttered similarly raced based prejudice? Not only has that not happened, but, I've heard typically brain dead liberals justifying it. Thank God that the result of all this nonsense will be a desensitized populace.

Lin-clusion?

AITOOW thinks that the Jeremy Lin story is all about racism in the NBA? All non-black athletes are discriminated against. They have to do twice as much to get half the chance. And Asian athletes. Please. They have the most prejudice to overcome.

Sister Act?

AITOOW wonders if purportedly big breasted fashion minute squawking head Bobbi Thomas is related to gap toothed, cherubic foodie Claire Thomas?

What's My Name Again

AITOOW thinks we need to rename our political parties - the Glass Half Full and the Glass Half Empty parties?

World's Smallest Viola

AITOOW is so sick of minority groups bitching about the lack of parts for themselves in Hollywood? Who the hell is Viola Davis? Who can name one movie besides The Help she has been in? Maybe nobody sends you scripts because you are a bad actress or a big mouth pain in the ass to work with. It would seem to fit. And why are there no roles for black women? Because black women have done nothing except rear bastard children, grown fat and complained since they first appeared on the planet. Name one thing society as a whole has come from the mind of a black women. The closest thing to a interesting protagonist you can promote as a whole group is an artist. Some third rate hack who can only write about her own experience and only is patronizingly lauded because of she is the best of a weak lot. Heard one of those stories - heard them all. And if there are so many great stories (this goes for ALL people who think they are underrepresented) then get some people together and produce them yourselves. Unless you forgot this is the movie BUSINESS and not a term you are probably more familiar with movie WELFARE. Lord knows you would bitching about how much the white man made off your stories if he ever did what you asked. I also think it was so brave that you made your stand after the Oscar votes were in. You weren't even the best actress in that movie. Please just shut up. It's bad enough to have to listen to you parrot other peoples words.

Fed Up

AITOOW realizes the Fed is quietly buying up toxic mortgages from the banks? Are they using TARP money or is this an added expense? Don't forget about the funds they are providing them at zero percent interest or how they defied their own practice of limiting guidance from a quarter ahead to two years ahead. This is supposed to drive down mortgage rates in particular because the banks weren't passing along drops in borrowing costs to this portion of their loan portfolio. How much hand holding do these banks need?

Fertile Material Girl

AITOOW thought the best line on SNL was when they described a Super Bowl snack of a "bucket of weird mussels" as the Madonna? I still don't get how nobody liked the car commercial in which the car skydived. Or the Voice Betty White commercial. Or the Samsung I Believe In A Thing Called Love commercial. How long before people are asking celebs to autograph their phone screen?

Coach Potato

AITOOW thought the Giants were out coached last night? They had a TO left and didn't call it to settle down/instruct the D on the last two plays. They (apparently) didn't tell Bradshaw not to score as the announcers presumed they did. They called passing plays after they crossed the 40 several times when the Pats D was gassed and couldn't stop the run. That led to FG's instead of TD's and gave Brady more clock. They didn't go to the more effective 3 receiver sets until after they were left with 1 TE and were forced to. They really never stopped the run or intermediate passing plays which any moron new was their weakness. They ran too many long routes against deep safeties. They didn't nag on the officials for illegal pick plays by the NE receivers. They let the DE's continue to over pursue. They let lame LB's cover the more athletic TE's. If not for another miraculous catch (which was a senseless heave from deep in your own end on first down), a dropped pass, and a fortunate 12 men on the field penalty that took ten secs off the clock and a few other breaks they would have lost. The coaches turned what should have been a blow out into a nail biter. They are lucky they had more, better players to cover for their ineptitude at game planning or adjusting. HOF for Coughlin? Better chance he will be fired in two years.

I also wonder if anyone else heard Al Micheals use the wrong verb a couple of times and Collinsworth missing about a dozen chances to explain strategy while restating the obvious more than once (very Danielsonesque). Is the play by play transmitted to from these guys to foreign countries? If so they did a poor job of explaining the rules to the uninitiated. Finally, yet another halftime controversy involving a white person. Oh wait. not a white person. Nice attempt to prolong your 15 minutes - one hit wonder.

Everything Old Is New Again

AITOOW thinks we are reverting to a pre-industrial revolution self employement economy? Plus welfare is back as unemployment insurance and union wages are back through involuntary minimum wage increases. BTW does OCommy not understand what "seasonal adjustments' to unemployment figures are or is he is knowingly trying to misrepresent the facts?

All In

AITOOW loves the new term "casino capitalist"? It thoroughly describes what the financial caste does. They run numbers. Like any two bit hood.

Food For Thought

AITOOW wants to see fast food restaurants take all the items they only sell in their foreign markets and combine them into an international themed restaurant available to be franchised all over the US? Ie International McDonald's. No burgers and fries. Nothing a regular McDonald's sells. It would appeal to all the immigrants and foodies. It would flank all ethnic themed up and comers. It wouldn't compete directly with current franchisees. It would provide purchasing efficiencies to the foreign stores.

Keeping Our Streets Safe

AITOOW thinks all Newt Gingrich needs to do is hold up a picture of Bill Clinton and say "I saved you from them once" and then hold up a picture of Barack Obama and say "I can do it again".

All Bark And No Bite

AITOOW wonders why black women continue to rely on threats when it is obvious that they are ineffective? It just makes them look like lunatics.

Hip Hip Hairy

AITOOW wants to praise the Lord that over plucked, penciled in Latina whore eyebrows are out of fashion? Now it will just take ten years for the yokels in the trailer parks to catch on. I hold out no hope that the aforementioned ethnic group will ever abandon the policy, however. They are too sensitive of their reputation for being hairier than their men.

I(ntolerance) For An I(ntolerance)

AITOOW finds it funny that anti-bullying bullies have no problem bullying Christians? Now I am an agnostic and I believe they do bring much of it on themselves with their behavior (hypocrisy, bigotry, and trying to brain wash people into believing when it is logical that a person has to enter into the relationship on his own or it is not a true acceptance), but, aren't you just doing to them what you criticise them doing to you?

Chump Change

AITOOW who read that the Earth cooled off last year? Of course I am.

Home Is Where Your (Shopping) Cart Is

AITOOW thinks it's funny that they are trotting out the old "think of the children" refrain to try and argue for income equality or unemployment benefits or whatever subsidy they want you to pay for? We have stories about kids living in vans. Isn't that a home? A better home than 80% of the world has. A better home than most people have had throughout history. We have stories about them living in tents. Their (the bank's) home was foreclosed on. They don't have TV. They don't have videogames. They don't have I Phones. Oh wait. They usually do. It's just another said attempt by the left to play at your heart strings instead of your head. It's shameful. They will use any demographic as a victim group. And yes I have heard stories about homeless pets.

Times They Are A Changing

AITOOW thinks it's weird how things change? First rape was just considered bad because it defiled a man's property. Then it was considered bad because it ruined a woman's innocence. Now it is bad because it reminds women that even though they think they are equal they really are not. They can't defend themselves. It is no longer bad because it takes something of value. Modern women believe promiscuity is an obligation. It is bad because it points out a flaw in the Feminist equality argument. I wonder what people think was the best reason for the prohibition is/was?

Fashion Reek

AITOOW caught that ridiculous show about modeling agencies last night? What a piss poor attempt at trying to copy Gordan Ramsey or any other show with the same exact formula. There was exactly zero tension. You knew what had been scripted from the first minute. The fact that the lead douche let that woman continue working for him says that either the modeling agency business is really poorly run by people who have no business management sense or that he in particular is guilty of that sin. She has no right running a perfume counter. And how fugly was the model with the gap teeth? The only reason the agent that liked her likes her is because she is a beaner and doesn't know beaners are not attractive in the aggregate. Also ugly - almost all the models he signed while visiting. He just found a beggar's purse of minorities. How does the CW keep coming up with such crap. How long before that Crocodile Dundee half breed from High Society tries to worm her way on this show too? And speaking of bad shows. How is that one Chorus Line type show exclaiming that they are introducing Katherine McPhee? She was on American Idol. She has been in movies. And isn't it funny when the commercials also call it original. No show has ever been done about a actor trying to get a role and become a star. No not one.

Dog Show

AITOOW was trying to figure out what kind of Miss America clone contest (ie Mrs Married America) was going on before they realized it was the Miss America contest? I thought evolution was supposed to make us better? I would need alcohol to bang most of these girls. And this is their glory years. My favorite moment (I barely saw any of it) was when one of the block heads said her dress was inspired by the Romans and then went on to describe the Greeks. It was like watching Rick Perry at a debate. And I have to ask. Are Americans getting fatter because weed is more acceptable?

L(ifting)MFAO

AITOOW liked "I'm Sexy And I Know It Better" when it was called "I'm In Miami Bitch"?

Sticker Shock

AITOOW thinks you should be able run cars off the road that have any kind of stupid sticker on them? The latest (and lamest) - stickers of people, kids, pets that people put on their rear windshield to inform you how many things you have to tie up when you invade their home. It takes all the fun out of breaking and entering. My favorite is the old women with one adult sticker (her) and then four cat stickers. The reason you don't know why it is wrong to publicize this is the reason cats are the only things that don't run away from you. And they only don't run from you because you keep them incarcerated. Ah, so that is why sad ladies keep cats. Their escape options can be neutralized. I wish cats knew how to commit suicide.

Make Mine A Double

AITOOW thinks that nowadays women who agree to have mastectomies only do so because they know they can reconstruct breasts now? You know damn well that if it meant no boobs they would try every thing but removal. I wonder if this is the new "deviated septum"? I had to listen while that egomanical, publicity sucking whore married to that guy from the Apprentice whined on and on on how brave she was for agreeing to the chop. You know she just realized it was an excusable way to get fake tits. Too bad it wasn't face cancer. I would chip in to reconstruct that. Does anyone remember when she was on TV whining that she couldn't have a baby because she didn't want to get fat? I guess we should be glad that it's unlikely that her genes will be passed on.

Over Baked

AITOOW thinks they are over the whole celebrity chef/food as a hobby thing?

Affirmative Attraction

AITOOW feels vindicated by the fact that none of the "urban" models Tyra Banks selects for her top model ever becomes famous? You don't know pretty, five head.

You Dumb So And So

AITOOW hates when people start an explanation with "so"? Almost as annoying as unnecessarily adding "actually".

Political Dicktionary

AITOOW thinks a caucus is a cock circus? My favorite part was Michelle Bachmann's gay husband's cold sore.

A Three Hour Bore

AITOOW thinks the field of Republican candidates would make a great Gilligan's Island cast? Newt can be the Skipper. Romney can be Gilligan. Perry is Ginger. Bachmann is Mary Ann. Paul is Mr. Howell. Huntsman is Lovely. Santorum is the Professor.