The Jolly Green Giant

AITOOW can't stand Seth Rogen's laugh? How do you function when you are high all the time? That hemped up snorttle is too much to handle. It's irritating and disgusting all in one. I hear him slurping up in preparation for a new one.

Hear Mo Evil

AITOOW is astounded by the abuse the English language experiences during March Madness? It's like a Frazier family reunion. I heard one Head Start alumnus call a player "procipient" when he was aiming for "prescient". And all the unnecessary metaphores. It's like that thing. You know. The thing that's like that other thing. Just say the guy jumped really high for the rebound. We don't need to be told it's "like an outfielder climbing the wall". Metaphores are supposed to elucidate a complex concept. "Man jump high" doesn't need any "splaining". And don't get me started on the spazzing out on mundane action. Or working in their gay catch phrases. I also like that doofus that asked Coach K for a "primer" when he was in need of a "synopsis". I love that these guys have a job in which language is the currency of the realm.

It Is Spring Break After All

AITOOW thinks Jim Calhoun's "heart issue" sounds fishy? I wouldn't be at all suprised if he has an alcohol problem and had a few too many the night before. He always had the look of a lush in my eyes.

You Play To Win The Seed

AITOOW who would rather see teams play every other team once than replay teams while competing in a double elimination round robin? These pools like in the WBC or Olympics or World Cup make the luck of the draw too consequential. You would have to add games, but, each country could return home with their personal pyrhic victories and bragging rights over someone. Then the top two teams can battle it out for the crown. You would spread the money trail out over the course of the games (instead of being back ended) and see every possible combo of teams. For some countries the head to head against a nemisis is more important than the crown. You could do away with so many rest and travel days.

Pass the Buck

AITOOW finds it funny that a year ago we were talking about taxing hedge funds out of existence and now we are giving them 93 to 7 financing? How many bahjillionaires will this create? I wonder how many recently displaced IB's will be buying their old portfolios for their new employers?

Why We Are In A Recession

AITOOW laughs at the '00's as compared to the 90's (I also laugh at the the '90's as compared to the 80's) on the topic of innovation? I can't think of one new creation. Blogs are just re-packaged message boards. I Pods are just re-packaged MP3 players. I Phone is just consilidation. You Tube is just a video message board. Facebook is just a public intranet. HDTV was invented in the 90's. Snuggy is just a backwards robe. I think the one invention to come out of this century is the Sham Wow.

Less Chins Than A Chinese...

AITOOW wonders if it Asians are so smart why there are next to none involved in public service? Is it because we are too dumb to include them or they are too smart to accept? Couldn't the Treasury use their math proficiency?

800 Math, 600 Verbal

AITOOW is disturbed by the new buzz word - "optics"? As in - the optics on the AIG bonus scandal are terrible. This is an incorrect use of the term. Stop trying to turn every adjective or verb into a noun.

Reprecussions Of A Kent School Education

AITOOW didn't understand that interlude on Family Guy Sunday in which they cut to a full version of a Conway Twitty song? Did they lose a bet? Did they run a minute or two short of material? It was excessive. Even for them. I does show the perils of growing up in a non-cable universe. No way some lobster fuckers from RI would have ever seen Hee Haw (or whatever that was) if they had more than one channel growing up. Although they had one of the better observations ever about a dog being woken up by his own farts.

What Happens When A Woman Has No One To Love

AITOOW saw that the self satisfied organic food lady on 60 Minutes had yellow teeth, thinning, lifeless hair and a Buddha belly? So much for the visible evidence of her organic regime. And what a revelation she has uncovered. Food that costs more to produce - tastes better. Shouldn't it? And how good of a chef can you be if you have to rely on better ingredients to ensure better taste? Not to mention all these tiny gardens impact the environment more than one large one. Just like any other industry. And people like her are willing to limit the opportunities that the next wave of American workers have to live a life like she enjoys. Conservation, sustainable living are just code words for keeping the poor poor and keeping them on their side of the tracks.

Tin Ear

AITOOW understands that the bonuses paid to AIG employees may be well deserved? It's only their Credit Default Swap business that's failing. Otherwise, they have a healthy business and those employees should not be punished because another division is losing money. They should at least get an IOU. If the government wanted to set up tiers of creditors in which employee salaries were one tier (a subordianted tier) then they should have closed the lending window when they took office. This would have allowed for a bankruptcy proceeding where AIG could escape their contractual obligations. You must think it's a healthy business underneath it all, or you would have just given the ultimate beneficiaries of the money (the Banks) the capital directly. So now let the company do what it needs to do to keep the healthy parts healthy or this whole exercise will have been pointless. This is no time to be penny wise and pound foolish. You can't have it both ways Obama Claus. And which is the greater sin? This? Or the earmarks that are more voluminous than your own auditory appendages.

I also love how it's always a member of his staff that has the comment too. Will we ever hear what he thinks about an issue? Who gives a rats ass what one of his ass sucks think.

Pots and Kettles Only

AITOOW wonders if ANY white person would have been considered for the cover of O magazine?

Third Member of Heart

AITOOW thought Kelly Clarkson looked like a troll doll on AI last night? Her song sucked too.

Bird In The Hand

AITOOW wonders why women game show contestants are so risk averse? Watch Jeopardy or Deal and see if they ever bet big on the Daily Double or don't take the first bullshit offer that insults probability. I don't know why they are so penny conscious in this enviroment. They seem to have no problem throwing those dollars down the toilet in real life. Maybe they should earn their allowance following game show rules.

Jews For Jesus

AITOOW wonders if Florida govenor Charlie Christ is Jewish? The honker says "yes". The last name says "no".

Obama Claus

AITOOW wonders if this clown has ever balanced a check book? My guess is that his wife handles anything involving math. So now we have the government spending money it hasn't stolen on stem cells to cure people whose care or retirements we can't afford to subsidize.