Whopper Junior

AITOOW doesn't feel sorry that no one noticed Junior hitting his 600th home run? It's said that he deserves more credit because he did it au natural? Did he? Seems like he would have been motivated to use (roids) in recovering from his many injuries. They also say that he was tainted by the painted brush of the steriod era and that's why no fanfare. Let's see. He did seem to be compensated financially as a byproduct of the surge in popularity that the steriod era ushered in. That's a benefit. Maybe he was goaded into applying himself more by what his contemporaries were doing. That's a benefit. He hit in front of guys that were juiced - so he got better pitches to hammer. That's a benefit. And let's not forget that he traded in the Kingdome and Safeco for that little band box in Cincy. And the fact that he has limped to 600 while his contemporaries rocketed to 600. Those injuries and his lengthy pursuit of the mark destroyed any narrative. Here's an example of how mediocre he is perceived to be. I don't think he has been listed as a starting OF in a fantasy mag since 2002. In addition, 600 has also become common place. He's the 4th this decade. And finally let's not forget the ennui he engenders. We don't know this man. He is not intruiging. Therefore, we ignore him as he has ignored us. So let's not pity Junior on the eve of his accomplishment. He is receiving the treatment he has earned.

Queen of the Pumpkin Festival

AITOOW forsees that now that The Cackler has accepted the fact that we hate her that she will fill the pumpkinheaded sized vacuum that will be left when Ted Kennedy's pumpkin seeds rot from cancer? She holds a Senate seat in a cancre of liberalism. She needs to be highly visible. She suffers from an inferiority complex under the shadow of a more popular family member. She can't be president. She has a giant melon. She just needs to take her pants off under a table and drive a car off a bridge to complete the symmetry. I swear life is just the same script with different actors.

Home Mortgage Derivatives

AITOOW finds it ironic that home mortgage derivatives were touted as a way to spread risk (and thus a good thing). And all it did was pass the risk from those who could mostly originate loans in risky areas to those who could only hold loans from risky areas (entities that needed the risk premium to attract money). Are there ever solutions or only passing of problems?

Second (Must Be) Bananas

AITOOW thinks that the only reason W didn't get iced is that no one wanted Dick Cheney behind the wheel? Therein lies an important lesson for Juan McCain and especially Robot Obama - make sure your co-pilot is more odious than yourself. A special note for Robot - as mentioned previously, do not assume Shillary is that pick. While certainly odious, she will have you taken out personally (ala LBJ).

The New Hanoi Hiltons

AITOOW has the following reaction to this statement - "hotel fees for incidental services represent a miniscule amount of total revenue"? Well then prevaricating mouthpiece Joe McInerney, president (1 employee strong) of the American Hotel & Lodging Association (who probably worked in the field but was so bad at it that they placed him in this trade association to keep him from harming himself and others) - if it is so "miniscule" (like your wiener) why don't you just do away with them?

MMA CBA BS

AITOOW thought that someone got in the referee's ear and told him to call the match as soon as Kimboo Slice (the athlete they are depending on being the face of MMA) did anything right. The suits at the Andy Griffith network must have been sucking at their dentures when Kimbo was a minute into round three and was nearly choked out twice. This is my first time seeing this Mr T retread and I can say that the guy has no MM skills. He can just box. And he's got that crazy hanging moss/black moslem chin sweater...which is nice.

Casting Ouch

AITOOW is perplexed at exactly what Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl is? He's obviously part white but what else gives him the simian/cro-magnum look? Is he part black? Part Korean? And why would a billionaires son have a gap tooth? I think they could afford an orthodontist.