Set at 350 and Wait Ten Years

AITOOW is fed up with the mass media's news divisions wanting world affairs to transpire at the accelerated pace of a season of Gossip Girl or Vampire Diaries. It's bad enough that television audiences get ten years of plot points in 30 episodes, but, can we at least accept a leisurely pace when it comes to the real world? How addicted to "the next new thing" are we as a society that our news departments have ADD. Settle down, check your sources, think before you speak and let events run their course. You have your glass of Louis XIII, now sip it. These dim wits are more irritated by Mubarak's 19th century time management than his 19th century governance. Does it come as a surprise that it takes time for a man to come to grips with being forced to leave the only life he has known (Nixon ring a bell? Hell Clinton wouldn't go) Does it come as a surprise that he may actually love his country and is trying to make himself the one thing that will unite his country after he leaves? Maybe he has some underwear in the dryer. Maybe he wanted to see Day 1 of Hollywood Week. Is there really any urgency about this? Do we need Egypt as a fourth for Gin Rummy?

I would also like to add that I love the pundits that are so worried about Eygpt's situation when it is just like our own. Oh, no. Religious fundamentalists or socialists will take over. That could never happen here. Oh, no. The military will have too much influence. That couldn't happen here. Oh no, people with a totally different political outlook than the old regime will take over. That never happens here. Oh no, the elections will be won by people who get out the vote and not be a representation of all the people. That never happens here. Oh no, they will re-write their Constitution.... It makes me laugh. All the people that think our system is so pure and so solid and everyone else's is so fragile and susceptible. Do you have any perspective? What will happen is that the country will bounces between parties because they are not capable of competing in a global economy and have no resources and therefore the economy will forever suck. The liberals or beggars/clerics will spread the wealth and then Mubarak's son will be elected in a dozen years to bring capitalism back when the wealth has been exhausted. Eygpt will then bounce back and forth between ideologies like us and every other democracy depending on who the ambivalent feel will cut them a better deal or what social issue has everyone roiled up at the time.

1980 + 10 = Eastern Europe gives in. 2001+10 = Middle East gives in. Thanks Ronny and W.

The Truth Is Loose

AITOOW finds it funny that all these lard ass girls (J Ho and Lardassian) who supposedly adore their disgusting jelly riddled bags of horse fat go on to do commercials after they have shrunk their posteriors to a less vomit inducing size? Guess they hated them as much as most of us (the ones with taste) this whole time.

ET and JC

AITOOW wonders, if there are extra-terrestrial beings, are they in the afterlife? If you believe in it. How freaked out must those dead people be when they get to the after life in that case? And what if there are alternate realities? Do they all have their own afterlife oasis or do they all go to the same place?

Pooper Bowl

AITOOW noticed the super fulbs last night? Not the drops, phantom face masks or turnovers. I mean the grand standing idiots, out of sync dancing, technical difficulties, incomplete renovation, and lackluster/offensive commercials. Let's start with the anticipated train wreck of a national anthem. I don't know what's worse - the Cyndi Lauper looking Hispanic whore muffing the lyrics, her penchant for calling attention away from the song or the fact that many idiots didn't realize she messed up the lyrics. Next we have that disjointed half time show. Testing 1 2 3 anybody? Then we had those poor fans that paid for seats that weren't completed. Nice job Jerry Jones' ego. If people watching the game on TV outside an arena counts then then why not count the people in the sports bars, et al? Let's see this year you killed people at your practice facility in the pre-season. Ice fell off the stadium before the game and injured people. And you left paying ticket holders out in the cold. But, hey look we've got a big TV. And let's review a few of the commercials that shareholders had to take in place of dividends. Hmmm. Detroit is the place to be? Funded by bail out money. Detroit you say? Where half the city can't read. Open for business. How about that self serving NFL Old TV montage. Nothing to do with the greed inspired lockout. Right, owners? How about that 1984 clone. Inspired. How about any of the Pepsi Max drivel? I loved that one where the black woman nails a white woman with a can of soda because her lecherous boyfriend can't control his black libido. Typical behavior from the aforementioned. Lash out at an innocent white person because she is being eye raped by your satyr boyfriend. If this was backwards the NAACP would be calling for heads. Or at least pigs feet. You know one of those affirmitve action recipient ad houses came up with that one. And those Bud Light ads are so played out. Ditto for Etrade and Go Daddy. The only good ones were from Groupon.

Wrinkle Wrinkle Little Star

AITOOW is sick of actresses/women saying they haven't had plastic surgery when their faces look like the aftereffects of an allergic reaction. These creatures look like Stallone at the beginning of Rocky 2. Remember when the Leopard Lady used to be an anomaly? Here's the deal ladies - botox and fat/silicone injections are plastic surgery. As are laser treatments, chemical peals, lipo and those fat melting procedures. Grow up. Stop trying to find a cute word to cover everyone of your shame inducing actions. Girls Night Out Ya'll (not I'm Leaving My Kids Alone Again Night). And don't blame others for your shame. It's intrinsic.

By George He's Got It

AITOOW finds the silence deafening as to the catalyst for the events across the Middle East? That would be one George Walker Bush. The same man who was derided by the same talking heads as naive when he postulated that the region would embrace democracy if they were exposed to it. The same douche bags who are now saying how inevitable it was. Since Afghanistan, we have (in name at least) witnessed the fall of despotism in Iraq, Palestine, Pakistan, and Tunisia. We have also seen it sought by Iran and now Eygpt, Yemen and Jordan (and possibly Lybia and Algieria). That was all caused by little purple fingers and open assemblies shown on TV and the Internet. Roosevelt and Truman defeated totalitarianism in Western Europe and Japan. Reagan did it in Eastern Europe. W did it in the Middle East and North Africa.

God Bless The Child

AITOOW thinks Oprah's mom should get Mother of the Year? One dead druggie child. One AIDS child. One abandoned child. And one child molested at 14. Quite a record of excellence.