I'm a Douche Bag

AITOOW recoils every time the fag with the spiky brown hair has a segment on TMZ. He always thinks his 5 seconds are so amusing. But, they are always lame. At least Spicoli gets some good dirt about good people. This guy is just superfluous.

Traitor?

AITOOW is unsure if Scott McClellan is a traitor. If what he knew about his government's "prevarications" concerned him so deeply, wasn't it his moral duty to expose them and protect his country. An omission caries as much legal import as an act. Making a buck off his ambivalence in the aftermath is just the obvious mal apropos.

Bangers and Trash

AITOOW doesn't understand why we are subjected to British tarts when we have more than enough home grown tarts to choose from. I'm speaking (of course) of talent show hostesses. So You Think You Can Dance or Last Comic Standing for instance. Just because the producer's want to bang these annoying birds doesn't mean I want wont a ere em on the tele. They aren't even hot by new world standards. They have bad hair, bad fashion, bad skin yet suprisingly not bad teeth. This is America. I want an American. It's bad enough I have to hear Antonio Banderas say "conyesyon" as a bumble bee on that commercial for whatever medicine that is probably making his penis limp. And it's Los Angeless not Angeleez (you sleeze). When you are in our country say iy like we say it. And while you're at it, stop Anglicizing any foreign words (like you're too superior to be bothered with the indiginous way of prouncing them). Here's a tip. Your day in the sun has set. You are now the uncouth, penniless relations. Although, for the life of me (meeting all you toothless, skin headed, sandal wearing clods and reading of excerable characters in English literature) I can't ever find a time when you had any of the sophistication you think you had. Your art sucks. Your food sucks. Your music sucks. You have no style. Why is it that you feel you are our betters?

Mara-yannick Noah

AITOOW was shocked that a rasta looking beatnik from France had no problem with his son carrying the chronic? I just assumed everyone knew his bitter smelling unwashed hair was the result of his passion.

Whatchoo Talkin About Willis

AITOOW thinks Jen from Hell's Kitchen is Gary Coleman in a wig? She even has a similar catch phrase.

La Raza

AITOOW would like them to make tacos like this (meat cheese salsa lettuce - repeat!). When you do like it's traditionallly done you get half a meat taco and half a veggie taco. I want all flavors accounted for in each bite.

Here's Your Updated Itinerary

AITOOW can't stand corporations taking any excuse to try and sell you. Commercials, reminder emails, mailers, phone calls, etc. We know you're there. Relax. We'll find you when we need you. Then you can nickel and dime us to death. Or (this is crazy) make something we want and we'll find you. How about you funnel those marketing dollars into R&D or Customer Service so you can retain a customer once you get one.