We're Number 1

AITOOW is sick of people deriving their sense of worth through their ethnicity, race or other perceived group identity? Just because someone with similar characteristics as you did something notable does not mean that you are equally important or superior. You are still the same worthless piece of shit that you think everyone else is. When you and you alone contribute something to society then you can look down your nose at them. Until then, you should not try and co-opt another's accomplishments as having any relationship to yourself. Especially if it is just skin color or religion or nationality.

That's What She Said

AITOOW notices that Scranton and neighboring Pennsylvania scenery seems to look exactly like Los Angeles?

Nip Tuck

AITOOW finds it funny how SI gets chicks naked and then air brushes out the nipples? And they only seem to do to some pictures. I also love how they seem to toe the line on those body paint images. They get them "naked" and then strategically center the nipple area in the bill fold. I wonder if they have some obscenity committee that tells them what they can and can not get away with before it becomes porn.

Their Lips Are Sealed

AITOOW doesn't buy the official version of the hijacking victims' death off of Somalia? I love the SEALs, but, give me a break. The pirates killed their bargaining chips? It wasn't like the pirates had to get rid of excess baggage. It wasn't like they wanted to dispose of witnesses. I wonder if we'll ever get an autoposy. I'll bet those bodies are filled with standard issue Seal rounds.

Fire in The Hole

AITOOW finds it ironic that the act of "terrorism" that succeeded in the Arab world was the one they inflicted on themselves? Please learn from this and light yourselves on fire in the future and leave us alone.

I'm Not Lovin It

AITOOW thinks that that Mc Donald's commercial with the two queers "dancing" at a table over coffee is the gayest commercial ever? It's gay when people do it for real to post on You Tube. It's even gayer when an ad agency tries to recreate it. The song is so gay too. And I love that black couple that supposedly enjoys watching it. In the real world they would be saying "white people are weird".

Blow Your House Down

AITOOW finds it funny that AOL is now the mark when it comes to Internet fleecing? Maybe the guy that ok'd the purchase of Huffington Post was an old Time Warner exec. I love all these clowns who pay out the ass for "professional" content when the paradigm has already switched to user created content. If you have to have "professional" content, why don't you just hire a few out of work journalists to write it up? Or steal your acquistions talent? It would cost you about 300 million less.

Rewarding Job

AITOOW wonders if the youths of today have such a sense of entitlement because of youth sports? The place where everyone gets a trophy for showing up. Are they really to blame when the enter adult "sports" (work) and expect the same treatment?

Capital Idea

AITOOW thinks that budget conscious Governors and State Legislatures should just raise taxes on public sector employees to a level that reduces their life time take home pay to the level we need them to be at? Why negotiate with unions and hire bean counters to develop complex strategies to tackle the problem? Just do to them what they want to do to the oil companies, investors and hedge funds. Penalize them for making money. Call it a Capital Losses Tax. Tax their take home pay and tax their pensions at different levels than the private sector. The Demogoges I mean Crats would have to vote for it. It's a tax!

You Have My Words

AITOOW read that a female reporter was "sexually assualted" in Egypt (obviously by one of those peaceful Moslems) and still didn't understand what had happened to her? Liberals have watered down this word to where it could mean they grabbed her ass. Did they rape her or grope her? We have too many eupemisms. Maybe we should give some to Arabic which seems to be a five word vocabulary. Those words being Jihad, Infidel, Islam, Allah and Akbar.

Brand F

AITOOW thinks Robin from How I Met Your Mother and Russell Brand look alike? How bad was that episode of SNL? I hear the writers have the audacity to belittle sketches pitched by the hosts. I think you guys need to take inspiration where ever you can find it. The only good bit was the one with Stefan, as usual. It was so bad that they let Brand ramble for ten minutes in lieu of another sketch. Does Kristen Wiig have a character that doesn't roll her shoulders or have a whiny voice?

Lady and the Rant

AITOOW notices that the kids who got their books dumped in high school think that that has somehow ennobled them? Once again we have the nobility of victimization. Just because your fellow misfits have lionized a few of you does not mean that you have attained any degree of superiority of the rest of your contemporaries. That old saw about the homecoming king working in the gas station is just a fairy tale dorks tell themselves to cope. You few Arts celeberties are just the leaders of the wastrels. You're still as alone (percentage wise) as you were in high school.

I loved how full of herself and close minded Lady Gaga was on 60 minutes last night. Big Tip baby, Hosni Mabarek had a fan club too. didn't mean everyone loved him. Made him a bit delusional. This is a girl who couldn't even graduate from a second chance, private school for idiot/drug addled children of the nouveau riche. Yet, now she is an authority on every level. Let's start with your dogma that everyone is special. No, almost every one is ordinary. A few are special. That's why humans made a word for it. The word is - special.

How about her rambling, inconsistent explanation of how she is manipulating fame. She said she does it to protect her privacy, but no, it was to make sure her "art" takes precedence. First off which is it? Madonna said she put her business in the street because then people would get bored with it. You wear meat. Both may be effective. Yet bringing attention to yourself may not be the best course of action in either case. It seems alot of stars have success keeping things private by keeping a low profile. It's convuluted. I know. Your way is much more effective and in no ways seems disingenuous. It's not like you do it because you love the adulation that obviously your family or peers didn't give you. It couldn't be the money. You are an unvarnished artist. But, obviously not a rhetorician.

And then to your assertion that your attention seeking is to focus the public on your art. Do we really have to discuss this? It's 100% the opposite. Your art takes a backseat to the side show that is your life. And the best part is the fact that you couldn't be more condescending and close minded about everything. All these hurt little nerds have this in common. They chastise everyone else for the same behaviors they exhibit in excess (just in the name of their prejudices). Here's some advice. Accept that you do one thing well (copy Madonna) and that you do nothing else well. Your "performance art" is reductive and pedantic. Your dancing is terrible. Your lyricism is evocative of your "performance art". Your philosophy is incoherent, hypocritical and incomplete. You need to let big minds critique the human condition and espouse dogma. You and Alejandro need to stick to ripping off ABBA.

One more request. Please stop wearing underwear. OK we believe you don't have a penis (anymore). Stop trying to prove it (yes you are transparent on this too). I'll even ignore that big pouch of pussy fat that looks like a tucked in wiener. I just can't look at your gellatinous body any longer. It's like Courtney Love all over again. Wait is there anyone you aren't channeling? You are a one woman retro cover band. Was that Mirth's egg you came in on?

Space Cadets

AITOOW thinks it's scandalous that NASA is pimping Gifford's husband with the goal of maintaining the Shuttle program and their own hides? Why not make it like Survivor and have the astronauts from that bizarre love triangle a few years back jump the line?

Set at 350 and Wait Ten Years

AITOOW is fed up with the mass media's news divisions wanting world affairs to transpire at the accelerated pace of a season of Gossip Girl or Vampire Diaries. It's bad enough that television audiences get ten years of plot points in 30 episodes, but, can we at least accept a leisurely pace when it comes to the real world? How addicted to "the next new thing" are we as a society that our news departments have ADD. Settle down, check your sources, think before you speak and let events run their course. You have your glass of Louis XIII, now sip it. These dim wits are more irritated by Mubarak's 19th century time management than his 19th century governance. Does it come as a surprise that it takes time for a man to come to grips with being forced to leave the only life he has known (Nixon ring a bell? Hell Clinton wouldn't go) Does it come as a surprise that he may actually love his country and is trying to make himself the one thing that will unite his country after he leaves? Maybe he has some underwear in the dryer. Maybe he wanted to see Day 1 of Hollywood Week. Is there really any urgency about this? Do we need Egypt as a fourth for Gin Rummy?

I would also like to add that I love the pundits that are so worried about Eygpt's situation when it is just like our own. Oh, no. Religious fundamentalists or socialists will take over. That could never happen here. Oh, no. The military will have too much influence. That couldn't happen here. Oh no, people with a totally different political outlook than the old regime will take over. That never happens here. Oh no, the elections will be won by people who get out the vote and not be a representation of all the people. That never happens here. Oh no, they will re-write their Constitution.... It makes me laugh. All the people that think our system is so pure and so solid and everyone else's is so fragile and susceptible. Do you have any perspective? What will happen is that the country will bounces between parties because they are not capable of competing in a global economy and have no resources and therefore the economy will forever suck. The liberals or beggars/clerics will spread the wealth and then Mubarak's son will be elected in a dozen years to bring capitalism back when the wealth has been exhausted. Eygpt will then bounce back and forth between ideologies like us and every other democracy depending on who the ambivalent feel will cut them a better deal or what social issue has everyone roiled up at the time.

1980 + 10 = Eastern Europe gives in. 2001+10 = Middle East gives in. Thanks Ronny and W.

The Truth Is Loose

AITOOW finds it funny that all these lard ass girls (J Ho and Lardassian) who supposedly adore their disgusting jelly riddled bags of horse fat go on to do commercials after they have shrunk their posteriors to a less vomit inducing size? Guess they hated them as much as most of us (the ones with taste) this whole time.

ET and JC

AITOOW wonders, if there are extra-terrestrial beings, are they in the afterlife? If you believe in it. How freaked out must those dead people be when they get to the after life in that case? And what if there are alternate realities? Do they all have their own afterlife oasis or do they all go to the same place?

Pooper Bowl

AITOOW noticed the super fulbs last night? Not the drops, phantom face masks or turnovers. I mean the grand standing idiots, out of sync dancing, technical difficulties, incomplete renovation, and lackluster/offensive commercials. Let's start with the anticipated train wreck of a national anthem. I don't know what's worse - the Cyndi Lauper looking Hispanic whore muffing the lyrics, her penchant for calling attention away from the song or the fact that many idiots didn't realize she messed up the lyrics. Next we have that disjointed half time show. Testing 1 2 3 anybody? Then we had those poor fans that paid for seats that weren't completed. Nice job Jerry Jones' ego. If people watching the game on TV outside an arena counts then then why not count the people in the sports bars, et al? Let's see this year you killed people at your practice facility in the pre-season. Ice fell off the stadium before the game and injured people. And you left paying ticket holders out in the cold. But, hey look we've got a big TV. And let's review a few of the commercials that shareholders had to take in place of dividends. Hmmm. Detroit is the place to be? Funded by bail out money. Detroit you say? Where half the city can't read. Open for business. How about that self serving NFL Old TV montage. Nothing to do with the greed inspired lockout. Right, owners? How about that 1984 clone. Inspired. How about any of the Pepsi Max drivel? I loved that one where the black woman nails a white woman with a can of soda because her lecherous boyfriend can't control his black libido. Typical behavior from the aforementioned. Lash out at an innocent white person because she is being eye raped by your satyr boyfriend. If this was backwards the NAACP would be calling for heads. Or at least pigs feet. You know one of those affirmitve action recipient ad houses came up with that one. And those Bud Light ads are so played out. Ditto for Etrade and Go Daddy. The only good ones were from Groupon.

Wrinkle Wrinkle Little Star

AITOOW is sick of actresses/women saying they haven't had plastic surgery when their faces look like the aftereffects of an allergic reaction. These creatures look like Stallone at the beginning of Rocky 2. Remember when the Leopard Lady used to be an anomaly? Here's the deal ladies - botox and fat/silicone injections are plastic surgery. As are laser treatments, chemical peals, lipo and those fat melting procedures. Grow up. Stop trying to find a cute word to cover everyone of your shame inducing actions. Girls Night Out Ya'll (not I'm Leaving My Kids Alone Again Night). And don't blame others for your shame. It's intrinsic.

By George He's Got It

AITOOW finds the silence deafening as to the catalyst for the events across the Middle East? That would be one George Walker Bush. The same man who was derided by the same talking heads as naive when he postulated that the region would embrace democracy if they were exposed to it. The same douche bags who are now saying how inevitable it was. Since Afghanistan, we have (in name at least) witnessed the fall of despotism in Iraq, Palestine, Pakistan, and Tunisia. We have also seen it sought by Iran and now Eygpt, Yemen and Jordan (and possibly Lybia and Algieria). That was all caused by little purple fingers and open assemblies shown on TV and the Internet. Roosevelt and Truman defeated totalitarianism in Western Europe and Japan. Reagan did it in Eastern Europe. W did it in the Middle East and North Africa.

God Bless The Child

AITOOW thinks Oprah's mom should get Mother of the Year? One dead druggie child. One AIDS child. One abandoned child. And one child molested at 14. Quite a record of excellence.