Why Women Shouldn't Be Allowed To Vote

AITOOW still finds it comical when girls tell you they want to go slow so they won't ruin it? Newsflash. You just ruined it. Who wants to be the only schmuck who treats you with respect? You just volunteered that you don't always take it slow. How's this for a plan. Go fast with a guy you want to continue seeing and go slow with a loser.

Words Speak Louder Than Actions

AITOOW is thankful that Liberals believe it is enough to wax poetic about an issue? Although, the nauseating Health Fraud Bill may actually be turned into action (I still predict they will find a way to lose it), it seems like most of the Hope and Change will remain a bumper sticker (see Global Warming). Let's hope they don't ever change.

Secret Santa

AITOOW finds it revealing that Liberals want the government to be beneficent in their name? It seems to be easier for them to assuage their consciences by donating other peoples money or receiving it themselves. Who exactly are the kind hearted ones? Even if red staters are probably under the delusion that they are paying their way into Heaven, aren't they better people than the self-professed "tender hearts"? At least they give their own money. That's if you believe those inconvenient things called facts (ie where donations predominate).

With Great Power Comes...

AITOOW who wonders how we came to accept this maxim and how responsibility has become synonymous with bribery? We have to bribe other countries to not attack us. We have to bribe them not to pollute. It's a shake down that Jesse Jackson would admire. Remember the good old days when weaker countries used to have to pay stronger countries not to attack them. I wonder what the Roman Legions would make of modern diplomacy. I have to ask what the purpose of striving for greatness is. It seems like the meek are inheriting the Earth right under our noses.

Have You Paid The Jobs Bill?

AITOOW thinks it is sad that legislation is now synonymous with renumeration? BTW the jobs bill is all government spending and non-effectual window dressing.

Global Warming Causes Evaporation of Scientific Method

AITOOW wonders if there is any chance that magma just under the surface is the cause of the snow melting on Mt. Kilaminjaro? PBS just did a special which proved that magma is still heating up the crater.

Don't Worry It's Stimulus

AITOOW finds it predictable that our drunk on credit President is the one to green light the perpetually disputed 3 billion dollar accounting discrepency to the Indians? I'm not even going to make the obligatory racial cheap shot about blacks and finance. Nor am I going to point out that he is condemning you and I for paying with credit. No president before him viewed the evidence for payment as dispositive. Yet, he just adds it to the bill. Thank God we can pass it on to the sucker Chinese. Don't they realize that Americans see nothing wrong with abandoning their debt obligations?

Blood Suckers

AITOOW wonders why vampires are always rich? I mean it what kind of Social Security do they have? I thought you had to start out living your savings at some point. They are so old you would think they would have a tough time understanding the new economy. Maybe it's real estate money.

What Are You Getting All Excited For?

AITOOW wonders why helpful legislation like Tax Cuts and Estate Taxes are sunsetted while all other programs that take our money are given unlimited life? This is why big government parties only have to win a few elections to change the trajectory of the nation. A distinct advantage. One that makes taking back power superfluous. The other parties never undo the damage.

Social Engineering

AITOOW finds it funny when people are shocked when dissonance follows false premises? They're calling Tiger (and anyone who cheats) a Sex Addict? No. He is a human. Humans can't stay faithful. It is our natutal state. "Special interest groups" have falsely defined acceptable behavior to advance their agenda of monogamy. Now it is "natural man" who must apologize for "intelligent design". How about an apology from "special interest groups' for hypocritically villifying their own theory of "intelligent design"?

BTW. On the flip side. Anyone who says this is a private matter has a guilty conscience.

Vote For Pedro

AITOOW thought the younger bro-mo on the Amazing Race sounded just like Napoleon Dynamite? Gosh.

Here's To Our Health

AITOOW doesn't get why health care will cost the government money? If they force US to buy health insurance, why will it cost THEM anything? Is it the public option that is the cost component?

The Ger in Tiger

AITOOW wonders if black men will now accept Tiger as a homey? I know he didn't ass rape a girl like Kobe, but, he has the numbers. And all of them vanilla too. Can I get a what what?

To Allow Redistribution by Pelosi

AITOOW who doesn't understand why the Head House Maid is limiting her sights to the extra coins left in the National Ash Tray (TARP)? Why not extricate all the TARP money paid back to the Fed? We all thought it was Botox that made those eyes saucer size. It was really your tax money. Sorry. It was post-Boomer tax money. Those hippies have a tab running.

Deja View All Over Again

AITOOW wonders why movie companies display their logo and then follow it up with another credit for their company before the movie starts? I can see why you would want the big animated cartoon for your company. But, why did you tack that on to the typeface credit that you used in the old days? With all these co-financed or co-credited joint ventures it takes forever to get to the movie. And BTW it makes no difference to anybody which one of you jerks paid for the movie or strong armed some indy producer into using your distribution monopoly. I've never heard anyone say "Let's see what Universal has to offer". In a world where only luxury brands matter to a consumer, studio branding is even less important.

Twi-Life

AITOOW drew the same conclusions as a first time Twilight viewer? The vampire has a nose too small for this face and eyebrows too large for a wooly mammoth. He reminds me of Russ (Rachels Ross-like new boyfriend on Friends). Nice to know that every sullen character must act like Luke Perry. The "maiden in peril" has tits as flat as her acting. Can someone teach her how to breathe? She holds her breath until she is about to pass out. How two guys would be chasing after this unremarkable skank is beyond me. It does, however, explain the sad, sweaty, thirty-plus (waists and ages) wide bodies in the audience. If this band camp reject can get some maybe even they have a chance. It is possible to have a gut and six-pack at the same time (see Werewolf boys and spray on abs). The good werewolf is as buff as Marky Mark was. Which means he has a small coating of muscle around a skin and bones frame. Any light breeze could launch him out a window. The future seeing vampiress has a terrible nose job. And finally (not that it came as a surprise) never be nice to a girl because she will not reciprocate.

Thin Air

AITOOW believed the economic and climate numbers were false before evidence of their lack of efficacy was released? Consider your sources. Examine who has what to gain.

Worm Too

AITOOW thinks Ron Artest is trying a little too hard to be Dennis Rodman?

BPT

AITOOW thought it telling that Detroit held its Thanksgiving day parade the day after Thanksgiving?

Mamma-lusion

AITOOW interested in the timing of those new cancer screening guidelines? Were they put out by anti-Obamacare groups to scare people about rationing of health care? Were they put out by pro-Obamacare groups to depict health care savings?

Have A Coke And A Stare

AITOOW thought that Gordon Levitt kid looked a little crazed on SNL this Saturday? He seemed to be exhibiting alot of behaviors that I see in people when they come out of the bathroom at a club. A few cast members looked similiarly affected.

Job Fare

AITOOW thinks they heard correctly that Obumbles has the largest WH staff in history? Not that I ignore the fact that the job gets more complex each year, but, how telling is this. It is so "community organizer". When you get gifted your operating budget, there isn't much call to worry about the bottom line. Some other sucker can be cajoled or guilted into supplying more funds. Profitability is not even an objective. On the upside, he is taking a hands on approach to unemployment.

Don't you wonder when they will euphemize unemployment to "job seeking"?

Communist Nits Network

AITOOW remembers that CNN doesn't care about its domestic Nielson ratings? They want to appeal to other countries. The spike in Fox's ratings doesn't concern them at all.

Wanda Sucks

AITOOW found the Wanda Sykes Show unwatchable? It started with a ten minute defense of forced Health Insurance. Hello. Some of us aren't covered because we choose not be and don't need it. What about our needs? And how is that comedy. Oh. It was high brow. It was funny because it was so ridiculous. Then there was some stupid repartee with a black man who laughed at his own musings. They weren't original or funny. If you have to laugh to let us know it was a joke then you have failed. I had to stop watching after that.

Ding A Ling

AITOOW thinks it's funny that all you have to do to win a Woman of the Year Award is get kidnapped? John McCain must be estatic.

Confab-ulous

AITOOW can sleep easy now that we have a Jobs Summit? Wait. Do we have a Jobs Czar?

Armed and Dangerous

AITOOW loves that diversity in the Armed Forces has a greater priority than life? Gen Casey wants us to know that it's important for us not to do anything that would result in Muslims feeling uncomfortable joining the service. Like giving them a dishonourable discharge for sedetitious behavior. Why do I think this guy is going to be getting a medal for murder? Same group of jack asses that supported affirmitive action because of diversity. Diversity. Oh wondrous diversity. You are the most important attribute of all.

Hulk Crush Evert

AITOOW finds it funny that an Eastern European, lesbian, career tennis second placer who had to tranform herself into a body builder to win in the "Steroid 80's" is criticising someone who took recreational drugs that harmed his tennis game? I know. It was all herbal. Wink. Wink.

Allah Mode

AITOOW is nauseated by the double standard following hate crimes? If you are in the majority there is a universal rush to judgement to villify you. If you are in a minority, they bend over backwards looking for excuses to justify the atrocity. It's comical how the press and the Democrats are blaming the victims when a nimrod yells out Allah Akbar before mowing down innocent Americans (a pregnant lady for Allah's sake). I also love how they refer to terrorists as fundamentalists. If they are following the fundamental of a dogma and use violence to advance it, how can the dogma be non-violent. If it's fundamental it is the essence of the belief. Not a religion of peace. A religion of violence.

Bukkaki's Best Week Ever

AITOOW thinks the high commander needs a little toungue love from the first dater after this week? First a crazy brother appears. Second unemployment tops 10%. Third gay marriage and Dems fall in elections. Fourth his cash for clunkers results in people trading old pickups and SUVs for new pick ups and SUVs with 1 mpg better ratings. Fifth a Muslim shoots up an army base. Sixth the CDC gived swine flu shots to Goldman over kids. And let's not talk about North Korean nukes, Afghanistan or Iran.

It's funny that all the Democrats have to brag about is tax credits. Bizarro world.

Kam-Pai-ny Men

AITOOW defines Japanese business machinations as arrogance masking incompetence? Their genteel spirit is just their way of covering each others asses. They aren't refined. They just know they are all little boys pretending to be big boys. They have no grasp of what they should be doing.

There Are No Small Roles

AITOOW who thinks we needs fake celebrities to fill the mosaic in between the junket inspired viewings of real celebrities? There is just not enough release date pimping to satisfy all those insipid TV shows and magazines. Somebody has to be available when Pam Anderson's not hocking a new line of tramp spray. They're the glue that holds the superfluous together.

Doomed To Repeat What?

AITOOW doesn't think they can trust any history before the Vietnam War era? Watching that abortion called Amelia I realized why the past is so idealized. It's because it's manufactured. We should just throw out all history as we know it.

Fox in a Hen Hut

AITOOW wonders if Fox Corporate decided to send Fox Sports to Afghanistan this week? The timing seems to be interesting for a company that is at war with a vacillating President who can't commit to re-inforcing the troops in the region. Sending the football guys over there draws attention to the region and creates sympathy for the mission. I'm sure it's just a co-incidence.

Just A Bit Outside

AITOOW doesn't understand why they can't let that balls and strike machine call a game and alert the ump what to say? It's is unbelievable how many mistakes they make. Now I'm not blaming THEM. It's impossible for a human to do this. The ball moves too much, is too fast and the game is too long. Can we please move into the 21st century?

Arse-enio

AITOOW thinks Arsenio Hall is the least funny organism ever to inhabit this Earth? He has never said anything funny. He laughs at his own attempts at humor before he finishes them (which I presume is the result of a lifetime of having to sell his jokes or cajole a reaction). He can't even turn ugly into funny. That face should be a punch line all it's own. However, even it disturbs rather than amuses. Can Leno please pay of his debt to this man in some other way that doesn't annoy us.

Grab A Belt

AITOOW is sick of permissive parenting? I just saw Where The Wild Thing Are and wanted to strangle Catherine Keener. No wonder your kids a terror. He has no fear of reprecussions. It also makes me wonder if kids brought up without a father or strict mother become disproportionately aggressive adults.

Above The Line

AITOOW realizes that the only reason a "public option" (ie socialized health care) would seem cheaper is that taxes or debt will be increased/utilized to make up the difference. If you don't add in overhead, of course it will appear cheaper. But, someone has to pay for it. Add in the financial penalty for abstainers and you see what this is - Medicaid enlargement. Another reward for being a failure.

Care Packages

AITOOW wonders if our economy boomed in the fifties in any part because of all the swag the GI's shipped home as they plundered Europe. I know people say the economy turned in the 30's then dipped and turned again because of WW2, but, I always wondered if our grandparents didn't have a little help courtesy of Europe.

Washington Black Faces

AITOOW finds it entertaining that Rush Limbaugh is incendiary but the Washington Redskins is sloughed off? I'd love to get that ownership group tied up to a lie detector test. Somehow I don't think they're as socially liberal as they want us to believe. Good thing Rush gave that group of thieves and silver spoon babies something else they could manipulate for their own benefit. Who would want to associate with those kinds of people. Irsay, please! That being said Donovan McNabb is/was treated with kid gloves because he was black. Consult any fantasy draft mag since he was drafted. And if stats don't make the man - how about 0 SB's or the fact his own fans/players continually demand his ouster.

Creeping Towards Socialism

AITOOW thinks that Liberals have it easy. All they have to do push through some entitlement every couple of years and the country drifts towards their leftist utopia. Conservatives can crow all they want to about the right center nation, but what does it matter when liberals get in charge of the country often enough to impliment social programs that will never be repealed. If we can never remove a program once it has begun, then the party in charge of maintaining small government can never lose or the damage to "their" society is unalterable. So remember this every time you lose an election. You have just said goodbye to the good old days - forever. And don't hold up Welfare reform as an argument. It's the anomoly and can you say stimulus extentions to unemployment and food stamp increases?

5+2+2 = 10%

AITOOW remembers that debate over what the minimum wage increases would do to unemployment numbers? I'm not saying that it's solely responsible for the unemployment rate, but, it's a factor.

Liquidated Inventory

AITOOW is thankful that young women now wait until they are old women before they look to settle down? It's far easier to reject them once the bloom is off the rose. A young man can really get snookered if a nubile woman sinks her teeth into him in his innocence. Thankfully their overreaching has pleasant consequences. You can trifle with them while they have appeal and rest assured they don't have the power into baiting you into a union when they decide it is what they desire.

Redistribute It

AITOOW finds it predictable that the strategy Big Brother employs in Iraq and Afghanistan is to make their populace similiarly dependent on them for subsistence? Their pay offs to our enemies are all the more funny because it meshes with their government-centric dogma. If welfare is unacceptable here, why is it acceptable there?

Pain in the Back

AITOOW wishes they would do away with the block in the back penalty? It makes kickoffs and punt returns superfluous.

Jay-ja Vu

AITOOW thinks that Jay Leno's paparazzi skit seems a bit similiar to Spike Feresten's Idiot Paparrazi?

Teaching Moment

AITOOW thinks they've got the Left's military strategy? It's back to small footprint. Before Gulf War 2 it was that we should commit as few troops as possible because interaction with the local populace caused acrimony. Then it was that we had too few troops to control the populace and win in Iraq. Then they opposed increased troop levels because of the aforementioned. They didn't reconcile the dichotomy. A surge was implimented and proved effective. Now they say the same thing about Afghanistan. The last administration was distracted by Iraq and didn't commit enough troops. However, with a fresh, observable real time experiment and logic staring them in the face, their solution remains the same - no adequate troop levels. They either prevaricate or don't know what they are doing or want to lose. Nice to see that governance is an entire teaching moment for these rubes.

And do I have to rant on what a meaningless award the Nobel is? Why don't they just let you buy one like they do at Good Housekeeping?

Off the Air America

AITOOW thinks liberal talk radio doesn't appeal to it's audience because it's too fact oriented? I heard a pundit say that it fails because Latinos and Blacks don't tune in. I think that leaves out a lot of the potential listeners. I think it's because the majority of their audience are "feelers" and not "thinkers" that a cognitive focused program doesn't appeal to them. That's why Orca and those estrogen rich shows trend to the left (ie Women). That audience wants too feel not think.

Hypocracy

AITOOW is confused? I thought the "civilian leadership (executive branch)" was amassing too much power under Bush? Now the libs want to "reclaim" it from the Pentagon. And if you have problems with "depatments" making their own decisions, why do you have over 40 Czar's?

Could you also throw the past admin a note of thanks for creating that weapon's shield chip that you just traded to Russia for their cooperation in Iran? I figure you just think it grew on a tree like money et al.

Twins's

AITOOW is confused by identical twins that evolve differently over time? You look at some of them and they hardly look related.

One For All

AITOOW who thinks the most selfish Americans would label themselves rich economic conservatives/social liberals and poor economic liberals/social liberals? And of the two, poor libs are the worst. They aren't even asking to do what they want with their bodies and money, they are taking money from somebody else.

I Want To See For Myself

AITOOW is tired of people having to learn things for themselves? Maybe The Occidental President could put down a tome on Lincoln and read up on how to deal with Iran (and any other rival) from men whom have already got their number. They are liars. They are opportunistic. They think diplomacy is for the weak. They are like all other nations and people throughout history. They are using events to manoeuver for the best deal. Didn't your time in the Senate prepare you for this reality. How many times do idiots like you have relearn the lessons that others have already suffered through. You're like the child who needs to touch the oven before he learns to stay away from it. While you're wasting time learning for yourself, they're getting the bomb. You realize you only have four years? We and you don't have time for you to "learn" at this pace.

Simple as A B C

AITOOW gets frustrated when interviewers draw the wrong conclusions in their interviews? Last night Meredith Viera did this many times. This is what I now know about Michael Jackson. He spent lavishly because he had a poor mans chip on his shoulder. He was a materialist. He was vain. He was contradictory. He had a messiah complex because he was adored. He liked kids because they aren't as threatening as adults. He probably let his "love" spill over because he had a grown mans sexual appetite that was never satisfied in a normal way. He was stuck in suspended adolesence because he didn't have a typical childhood. He was shy. He was super sensitive. I don't think he was a homo. The Greeks used to sleep with little boys too. They considered them akin to girls. He needed to be loved and accepted because his Dad never gave him that. The guy showed text books symptoms that can all be explained by a shrink. Too bad he never went to one.

I would also like to add that he was offbase on the racial thing. His career bottomed out because music passed him by. His last albums weren't any good. The fact that he diddled little boys and wore costumes didn't help. If anyone had a problem with being black it was him. Maybe that was the result of his need to be accepted. He felt whites were more accepted than blacks in society. He's not that enigmatic when you get the character sketch.

America. Maybe You've Heard Of Us?

AITOOW thinks it's bad business to charge your customer's a fee so you can advertise to them? Well that's just what our government is doing. We just passed a bill that surcharges (it's not a tax - it's a fee) tourists so that we can develop an agency to try and get more tourism. What can you expect? They're only mimicking the MBA-holes. Actually, MBAers are just raping loyal users for net profits. The gov't is raping loyal users in an attempt to encourage people who have already decided that they can't or won't buy our product. That's if you are listening.

Risky Business

AITOOW looks at their credit score and thinks that the rating agencies are in bed with the lenders? Lower scores = higher risk premiums attached to prime = higher profits. How can they not try and buy off the rating agencies? Agencies buy off the feds.

White People Be Like...

AITOOW thought that if the skit filmed in Harlem last night on the Jay Leno show was filmed by a white person and had white people saying the things these bigoted black people were saying it would have been denounced? They would have been called racist, insensitive, ignorant and dangerous. But, black people can espouse the same vitriol and it's soooo cute. They can't help theyselves. They just.... (fill in the blank). Won't do it, huh. I thought so.

And while we are on the topic, how is it that every black person is the greatest at everything? It seems like a definitional impossibility. But, it's what they say. Constantly. I wonder what a psychologist would term this behavior? I actually know but I want you to figure it out.

The Meaning Of Is Part 2

AITOOW wants to remind our president that a fee is worse than a tax? Just love this man's sophistry.

Milligram

AITOOW laughed when he heard Football analyst Matt Millen explain his new segment - Milling with Millen? He explained that he would go around campuses and think about things. That's mulling not milling. Milling means to wait around in a group. You imbecile.

Peanut Sized Brain

AITOOW thinks it's funny that Jew-hating cracker Jimmy Carter believes that it's racist to oppose fellow socialist Barbi Obambi? You know in law school we learned that when you can't convict your opponent on the evidence you try and impune his character. It's a cheap shot. Unlikely to work. And semi-unethical. But, there you have it. A peanut sized idea from a peanut sized man taken from page one of the liberal playbook. Go build a shanty from handouts you redneck.

Those Who See Evil, Think Evil

AITOOW finds it funny that the best the insipid minds of Rahm Emmanuel and David Axelrod can come up with is playing the race card? Even Rodney King and Jonnie Cochran are laughing at this. How is it that racism is behind Joe Wilson et al not wanting to pay for health care for illegals? You always tell us that illegals aren't just Mexicans. They come in all shapes and colors. How is it behind not wanting stimulus for welfare. You always tell us there are more whites on welfare than any other group. How is any philosphical disagreement racist when they were espoused aginst Hillary or Kerry or any other socialist in history? I mean come on. This is the best the "un-dumb" can come up with? It's dumber than "solving" health care by forcing people who can't afford or don't want it by forcing them to buy coverage. I long for that "simple-minded" ex-prez.

Don't Ever Come Down

AITOOW was relieved to hear that Whitney Houston only free based her crack? She didn't use a pipe. I'd like to reiterate that - just like she did. She never used a pipe. Because that would be over the line.

And since he has been showing his aged, homo face at every Whitney press op, who has "legendary" music man Clive Davis discovered on his comeback tour. And who has he "discovered" other than Whitney (who basically showed up signed sealed and delivered to his front door by her famous mother). Has anyone squeezed more out of less?

I Fart In Your General Direction

AITOOW will reveal the true reason for the coarsening of contemporary culture (although at least we are just yelling at our leaders now and not assassinating them)? It's all about the age old battle about physical force versus mental force. I would also like to add that it is possible "that the good old days weren't all that good and tomorrow isn't as bad as it seems" or it was the anomoly and today is more in line with "normal" behavior.

Clever people use their brains to fight their battles. They either have a weaker physical constitution or they calculate that the injuries they would sustain fighting an equal or weaker being would make the confrontation less desirable. Therefore, they rely on a mental battle in which they trade physical injuries for mental or emotional or financial ones. The theory is that these injuries are more easily remedied than the ones to the physical vessel (which is irrepareable at a point). They also probably believe they have the superior or more cunning mind.

In today's America (and probably since the beginning) we attract a lot of immigrants (and grow our own in areas of squalor) who do not have the mental acuity to achieve in battle of wits. They must rely on physical contests. If they do not intimidate physically, they must adopt other devices to appear intimidating (harsh language, tattoos, fierce clothing, nasty glares, etc). So this is why we have a violent, coarse society. We let in unevolved human beings and we mix them with the permanent underclass of mentally retarded (as in under developed) individuals. We never stem the supply of new miscreants. And we replace every Neandrathal we elevate from our old stock with two miscreants (immigration and child bearing) from the new.

Most people would boil it down to cultural or genetic differences or the result of pockets of people being angry at their lot in life (racial, financial, social, sex, etc motives). I say it's just a measure of group intelligence demographics. Not that it isn't sometimes (maybe most of the time) smart or necessary to use force. As every non-victim learns early on in life. This inflates the number of people using the "physical" as a pose or to protect themselves.

So, it's no wonder in times when our supply of people is increasing that our levels of civility (if you measure civility as the absence of confrontation) is decreasing. Plus add in those experiments with population density and happiness, theories on the loss of responsability in crowds and the fact that since the early 20th Century our top immigrant pool sources are stereotypically irritable areas like the Mediterranean, the Caribbean and Latin America and you see why we're in the state we're in.

You Go... What Ever You Are

AITOOW thought it was nice that Lady GaGa let her beard grow out for the VMA's? It takes balls to be yourself. He... she really is a natural blond. Maybe he... she'll join the South African Track team?

Eye Robot

AITOOW doesn't care to imagine how the US Open Final outcome would have differed if they weren't using instant replay technology. I believe Del Potro would have been screwed out of at least half a dozen critical points. This (all) technology needs to be employed as widely as possible. Use it to call balls and strikes. Use it mark field position. Use it in every way imaginable. There has been to much incompetence in the past.

The Neverending Query

AITOOW agrees with following thesis? When you meet people who admit that they don't think about the bigger philosophical questions or engage in self-analysis is it simply because they are slow? Do they wrestle over a simple dilemna, that you or I may resolve instantaneously, all day? They must. I mean what else could be going on in that head of theirs. An endless loop of asking themselves the same question in their head? This leaves them for no time to think about anything else. Like the crows in Dumbo. "What do you want to do"? "I don't know. What do you want to do"? It must be great.

Party At The Water Tower

AITOOW thinks Tim Lincecum is the kid from Dazed and Confused all grownsed up?

Preacher Leave Those Kids Alone

AITOOW wonders who was more impressionable - Barbie's audience for his speech to school children or his audience for health-fare?

I'll Gladly Blow You Tuesday...

AITOOW found it typical that the Whoopie Cushion didn't understand the motivation behind the following survey? She chastised her own sex for using sex to get something they wanted. She said that women should learn to get things for themselves. Whoopster. The issue isn't that women are incapable of these actions. The issue is that they are fucking lazy. In any situation in which a woman is dependent on another, it is not about capability. It is about effort. Women have learned the art of acting stupid. While you are just the latter.

I'm Out

AITOOW finds it hilarious that the black guy and the unwrapped mummy on Shark Tank never invest in a business opportunity. It was obvious from the beginning that they were just added to the cast for diversity. And like in real life they don't contribute anything to the enterprise except their anthropomorphic divergency.

Shot of Tequila

AITOOW can't understand how Shawne Merriman didn't slap Vietnamese Me Love You Long Time Tila Tequila before this weekend. She should give yum yums and then be locked away in cage with a Hannibal Lechter mask. I challenge the prosecutor in charge of this case to spend a day with her.

Harvest Time

AITOOW wonders how much the Market will fall in September?

Health Care 101 - Don't Drive with Ted Kennedy

AITOOW can't wait to see how they use swine flu to sell Health Care this Fall?

Gambling in Casablanca

AITOOW is not shocked that August was the deadliest month in Afghanistan? They're finally engaging the enemy. That sort of thing happens when you actually discharge your weapon.

Facts Get In My Eyes

AITOOW thinks Ahma-dinner jacket should ask the Nazi's if there was actually a holocaust? Seems like those blueprints for Auchwitz would be some good evidence that he's wrong. Is it plausible they would be lying about a thing like genocide?

Swiss Cheese

AITOOW can't wait to see how many unmarked swiss bank accounts belong to limousine liberals?

Same Shit, Different Shitter

AITOOW sees the hypocrisy from the left now that their guy is in the half-White House? Now vacations are de rigeur. Now obstruction for obstruction's sake is reprehensible. Now it's ok to use the war as a diversion from the real issues.

Pubic Option

AITOOW thinks the story is not Michelle Obama's shorts but her scarecrow hair? That fro looked worse than Al Roker's wife's usual hay stalks. Buck Wheat evinced disgust. We need end of life counseling for her roots.

No Favre League

AITOOW wishes they would shut up about Brett Favre? If it's not about his sixth toe I don't want to hear it. He's a has been. He was irratic at his best. Who the hell cares about him except some drunks in Wizzconsin?

Vaper Rub

AITOOW has no opinion on the Michael Vick Signing? He won't play a down so it doesn't matter.

Start the Presses

AITOOW doesn't see what all the fuss is about concerning our debt to China? It's only 800 billion. That's a stimulus plan. That's one year of health care. It's Obambi's deficit per year for 10 years. It's 8 Fannie and Freddie's. It's 4 AIG's. Just have Bernanke print up the amount owing and cut them a check. I know it will cause inflation and increase our debt and lower our credit rating and deflate our currency. But, isn't that the argument people use to criticize our debt to them already. At least this way we can apply pressure on them politically. And we won't be paying interest on the debt. Plus it will make foreign products more expensive. It will make gas (for the Greenies) more expensive. I mean it's obvious we are not averse to printing money to pay for some of our expenses. Let's go whole hog.

So You Think You Can Handicap

AITOOW thinks a blond girl can never win this show? My thesis is that dark hair is a dominant gene. So most fans have dark hair. So blond anyones are out because people aren't voting for the best dancer but the one that looks the most like them. Since black and white men don't vote, it's all up to the girls. And they vote for themselves and the guy they want to bang until the last show and then they vote for themselves.

Hollywood Ending

AITOOW not as eager to see Julia and Julia now that I know that the little porker with the blog cheated on her spouse after he put up with her nervous breakdown?

You Got Punked

AITOOW thinks Aston Kutcher is the biggest egotist on the planet (in addition to being the worst actor). Some samples of his self possesion - on Conan he talked about his dreams of being Obama's right hand man. Narcissism! He also talked about his Twitter fetish. The most narcissistic tool on the planet (other than Asston). Please update us oh great one on when you take a crap. Or maybe on your mother's (err wife's) latest tummy tuck. Did you ever notice that every project you've been in since they gave the role as "dork" on the 70's show has been produced by you? I'm sure it's because you wanted artistic control.

(Hogs and) Warts and All

AITOOW thanks god that they didn't go to school at Hogwarts. This must be the sorriest collection of faces ever assembled. Everyone is a toad (except Hermione and anyone she's fucking). Kudos to the director for getting Radcliff not to extend his jaw like an E fiend and wheeze like Floyd the Barber. Have you ever seen this dwarf on a talk show. He's either naturally creepy or on some hard core stimulant.

Blind Ambition

AITOOW found it hysterical that the girls were the most superficial on that show Dating in the Dark. All they cared about was looks. Even when they liked the guy before they saw him. It just shows you that they can't even be honest with themselves and should never be listened to.

Fiscal Discipline

AITOOW finds it predictable that higher priced cities like Chicago are preferred government symposium destinations over Vegas and Orlando according to the Bambi administration. I believe the average hotel rate in the Second Ciry are $99 (not that they won't stay at the Ritz). Orlando and Vegas average $87. Half million dollar "date nights" are exempt from the travel restrictions.

Gates-gate

AITOOW thinks the "teaching moment" in this case was for smug, black intellectuals? It seems in our post-racial (yes that was the price you paid to have whites elect your candidate) world the only ones still caught up in the Sixties are the blacks. Love to see that the race card is no longer wild.

Mister Mister

AITOOW doesn't get the "Mr. President"? DO they change their names to President. It's Mr or President not Mr President. Do you call a priest Mr Father?

Pineapple Heads

AITOOW thinks that spikey hair on a fat guy looks ridiculous? Your soft jowls are not complimented by sharp potubrances from your scalp. Leave it for skinny people.

Made Off With Your Sympathy

AITOOW gets happy when ever I hear bleeding heart lib wish the death penalty on Bernie Madoff? I thought you were the compassionate ones? Guess you aren't so "progressive" when it comes to things that actually effect you.

The New Old People

AITOOW never sees a chick not on her cel phone while driving? Do you think you can afford the distraction?

Like Their Lightbulbs

AITOOW wonders how much GE does in "green" technology? It must be alot because the have NBC doing a Chicken Little impersonation every newscast, cloying PSA's and an insipid Eco-mangination campaign. Could you be more transparent? That's vertical pervarication.

Pander Bears

AITOOW who thinks it's distasteful for Barry to have his wife pimping his agenda (health) on ABC? I also like how he pandered to women by singling out the bravery of the women in Iran. I love the inferences that never get pointed out. He obviously is suprised that women protested because he sub-consciously finds them to be inferior to men. When they act like a man does, he is shocked.

Me Talk Pretty Some Day

AITOOW realizes people don't have "flavor" and food/beverages don't have "notes"? Understand the limits of the english language douche bags.

Buellar?

AITOOW thinks Matthew Broderick should buy the house Cam lived in in Ferris Buellar's Day Off?

Dawdler In Chief

AITOOW wonders if O-bro-ma will be labeled with this moniker if he continues to play out the clock on all issues? For example - Now I know it's a risk, but, he could afford himself a Reagan-esque "Mr. Gorbachev. Tear down this wall" moment if he comes up with a pithy appeal to the Ayotallah Khomeni a la "Mr. Ali. Give the people their vote". It's probably wiser to assume that any instigation will poison the well with the current (and probably future) administration, but it could pay off big. I think I would take that gamble. If only to show he's not subject to paralysis by analysis.

San-gay-a

AITOOW is nauseated by Sanjaya's nipples? Can you imagine what his mom is packing? I also love that Holly has learned that "he's just not that into you". But, buck up. It's not you. It's him. He's obviously gay.

Recidi-vision

AITOOW thinks that if you forgive a crime/sin you are (at a minimum) doubling the bad acts in the world?

Sep At Birth

AITOOW thinks Sidney Crosby looks like Andy Samberg?

I'm On To You. Get Me Out Of Here.

AITOOW thinks Heidi (nose job, breast implants - so is she really herself anymore?) Montag left her wilderness show and was forced back by her lawyers? I can hear the bickering now.
"Get back or we'll sue".
"Go back or you'll get sued".
"But Playboy is going to take away the mill if I have bug bites on my fake tits".
"Offer them your sister and then feign an illness".
"Ok, we're all media whores anyway".
"How about they go back for one day and then we give you Holly in trade"?
"Deal".

Tehran-y

AITOOW finds it telling that American journalists are using a few clips of unrest in Tehran as unequivical proof that Im A Nut Job stole the election. Not only does this evidence conform to their desires it is additonally circumspect because it is only from one locale. Tehran may be the SF of Iran. I don't know. But, it's comforting to know that they pull the same crap overseas as they do here. Slothy effort and biased reporting is no recipe for respect. It's like when they report a couple of hundred war protesters in Jew Nork as what Americans think of the war. It's just sad. They're also wondering why results were announced before all the votes were counted. You assholes predict a winner with less than 10% of polls reported. Now I don't want the bearded lady to remain in power, but let's show our work before we give an answer. I'm really not sure you put much more effort than I do. And I put in next to none.

A New Wrinkle

AITOOW doesn't get how we made the switch to HDTV and the newcasters still look better on TV than when you see them in real life? I thought HD was supposed to show every wrinkle? I saw Chris Collinsworth and his face looked like the sheets on my bed after sex. I see multiple local news people on the street and they have crows feet like an accordian. What gives?

Front Loaded

AITOOW sees the 4 stages of the XX chromosome thuslly - cute (pre-ad), hot (ad), tepid (post ad) and revolting (menopause)? Do they live longer as a punishment?

So You Think You Can Fill A Slot

AITOOW finds it deplorable that So You Think You Can Dance condones race bigotry in their selection processes? The affirmative action crowd always uses results based arguments when trying to justify biased selection criteria. Well what is it when a competition has one from every social and racial group? It's a show not a competition. Stop pretending you're legit. I heard one of the judges (an edited portion of their deliberations mind you) saying we already have one of her. Nigel also said they felt there was only one place for those two brothers because they were too similiar (of course they chose the more telegenic one). The final two girls were a much stronger blond and a rattish Asian. Of course they chose the Asian. They already had a blond and not this strain of Asian. Plus she had a weird name which always seems to be an advantage. And thanks to our GI's so many Asians are mixed that you get double the bang for your buck. Plus those Brits be so horny and the Gays hope the might just be lady boys. And if I have to listen to any more dykey, fat, post menopausal and cancerous slobs deride hot dancers on account of envy, I'm going to break something. This goes out to you Michael Mias. You don't even teach dance. You just have people roll on the floor and throw their arms around like crazed birds. It's like that atonal crap that my music teacher played for us in 7th grade. It's random acts dressed up as art because all the good art has already been done. Just because it has a message doesn't make it art (or in this case skill). It makes it rhetoric.

Nancy Kerrigans

AITOOW who has little sympathy for auto dealers? This is what you get for trying to screw every customer for that extra nickel. It's nice to see you slapped with the fine print. And besides, it's not like you can't just sell other brands or types of motion machines on your lots. Why not used cars? You are such babies.

Do As I Say...

AITOOW finds it revealing that Obamie wasn't concerned with his carbon foot print or wasteful spending when he took his wife on a date to New Jack City? As an Billy Crystal once said "I got married so I could stop dating". Good to know he is a mensch and a hypocrite. Oh I forgot. That's what makes him a democrat.

Acturians at the Gate

AITOOW doesn't understand why they count dollars and not tickets sold when measuring movies? Dollar are a really bad indicator. It doesn't account for different ticket prices. The metric for the public amusement should be viewers (includes freebies and discounteds). The real metric for the industry should be dollars per potential seat.

Sout-able Replacement?

AITOOW thinks the admin wasted a move if they selected Sotomayor in the hopes of alienating Hispanics from the Republican party? I don't see the point. Non-exploitive (not thrown out of their country) Hispanics are used to being wards of the state. They are no different from the Afro American voting block. They were theirs to begin with. They are economic Democrats. Are they pulling a Harriet Myers? Hoping the Republicans will block her and "force/allow" Obama to appoint a more left leaning candidate while forcing the Repubs to look racially bigoted. It seems like unnecessary piling on. She's Puerto Rican so other Hispanics will eventually feel nothing for this choice and will gradually feel insulted that the admin lumps them all together. I would have gone for my Anti-Scalia while I had the votes and the country was embroiled in a recession.

If I was a Republican I would let her pass. Puerto Ricans may be the only Hispanic group other than Cubans to consider the elephant. In places like Florida this could swing the state. Florida could swing an election. It would also punish Obama for not going for a long shot first. It's not a "swing" vote. It's replacing a lib. She's not that young and is out of shape (lower life expectancy). It's not near mid-terms so no reason to rouse the base. Save the powder for the next selection.

Of Braces and Root Canal

AITOOW thinks that one reason kids are growing up quicker these days is that we have adults portraying teens in the media? If only there could be a rule that teens had to be played by teens maybe we wouldn't have a warped sense of image.

Freaks and Geeks

AITOOW is glad that Robot has chosen a Supreme Court nominee for their "intellect and compassion to interpret the Constitution wisely". Not their nationality or sex. I'm so glad to see this president rise above gender and racial politics. Thank the Earth Mother we will get someone who isn't bound to "applying the law". It's also good to know that her intellect and compassion to interpret the C wasn't questioned when her ruling before the same court was ajudicated incorrect a few months ago. That's no evidence of competence at all. I wish we had the British system and Judd Apatow could be the PM.

Day Old Box Scores

AITOOW who doesn't get what a child of the digital age wants with day old box scores? Now I'm no expert on the operational processes of a newspaper company, but, I could swear they used to be able to "hold the presses" for more games than they do now. I don't see how the speed of information could have regressed. Today for instance, USA today had 1 game in each league. Most of the games were east coast night starts. Not that I care to wait for the precious information to be put in print anyway. My fantasy league aggregates it all in real time for me for free every day. I just wish they would print the data they have on last nights games only. I don't care about 2 day old games. I am asking them to exclude all other box scores. It's just a waste of space that you could fill with other stats.

Captain Caveat

AITOOW hates having a lawyer as a HNIC? He is a master sophist. He'll say something like "No detainee at Guantonomo will ever go free". And then he'll tack on the codicil that inverts the original message. Such as "as long as they have knowingly completed an act of terrorism that we saw and didn't agree with or can't excuse under the guise of Anglo-imperialism within the hours of 6 and 7 in a month on the Gregorian calendar that doesn't contain a vowel".

I also like that his big solution to health care is electronic billing. Now I object to all public health care initiatives but where was the "credit" when Bush spearheaded the Presription Drug Plan? A slightly more tangible push towards universal health care than what the Obama Claus is delivering. N'est ce pas?

Latin American Idol

AITOOW thinks AI finalist Chris' mom needs to tell him something? He's got to be part Mexican. The Dad doesn't look Mexican. He reminds me of the gay hit man in Traffic. Is it wrong to want to smack his contorted face ever time he tries to hold a note?

Also, how has Shawn Johnson gained weight while dancing non stop? She looks like a Weeble. When exactly do you stop becoming a dwarf/midget?

Americaz Nex Top Mahdellll!

AITOOW was unsurprised that a model who wasn't even the best looking black model in the competition was given first prize over a quirky, yet inarguably more video/photogenic white contestant? Not only did the white model photograph better, she was unique. I wouldn't recognize the winner at Popeye's. I think Tyra was in the admissions department of my alma mater?

Ebonical

AITOOW wonders why black people don't say "because"? It's always "for the simple fact" or "for the fact".

Ghetto Hoopty

AITOOW found it telling that Obama's ride (sold on Ebay) was the Chrysler known as a ghetto Bentley? I also love how he flubbed cinquo de mayo and nobody pounced on it.

Hypo-crats

AITOOW finds it funny that Democrats are deriding Republicans as being the party of "no"? What was it exactly you were doing when you were out of power? What can any party do?

The New New Thing

AITOOW thinks it funny that "consumerism" is the new smoking? I guess we'll have to spread it abroad if it is to survive. Or sell it to the young.

Cohort-iculture

AITOOW wonders if the switch to group projects in college is an attempt to condition us for a collective society?

Fash-con

AITOOW finds it funny that people are wearing those faggy Afghani scarves ala Fruity Rudy in Generation Kill? Is any fad not stupid? And speaking of fashion inanity, isn't it funny how every year they recycle a trend from yesteryear and say that THIS is style? Every year the same designers say that other stuff (the shit they were pimping last season) was garbage. That old crow with no taste, Donna Karan, was on TV this week explaining that 80's style (shoulder pads, etc) was what empowers women and makes them look their best. Well if that's so, let's put a pin in it and be done with it. 80's fashion is the pinnacle. No need to design anything different. But, I thought you were excoriating it last year? How full of shit can one industry be and how dumb are the people that don't see through it?

And the Razzy Goes To....

AITOOW who continues to get rippped off by that fat John Goodman clone Seth Rogan? I just saw Observe and Report. I would like to report that I didn't laugh once. It was horrible. They were comparing this to Jim Carey's disaster of Cable Guy. That was genius compared to this. It was written by Jonah Hill's brother. He is as talented as Jonah the Whale is good looking. Can we all agree that Super Bad was the anamoly? A more precipitous decline than Kevin Smith.

Tea'd Off

AITOOW finds it telling that Obama and the liberals find it necessary to reach out to Marxists to hear their "acceptable" grievances and views, but derides the right as crackpots undeserving of discourse?

A Hero Is a Sandwich

AITOOW doesn't get how a victim becomes a hero? The Captain of that ship that allowed his ship to be boarded by "pirates" is what passes as a hero today? What is wrong with a society that uses pity as the measure of achievement? Heros are measured by accomplishments not perserverance. He may deserve our sympathy as a victim. But, he is not a hero. A hero would have fought off the pirates on his own. He just followed protocol. The Seals are the heros.

Fast Actin Tinactin

AITOOW wonders why Obama is letting on that the economy is turning around (todays data be damned) before his 'stimulus" programs have even begun? I guess we are that stupid that we won't make a connection.

I Will Not Be Plagerized, Dan!

AITOOW thinks Boyonce's new movie is a lot like Fatal Attraction? Will it be a rabbit in the pot because they are black ? Or will it be guinea pig (insert chitterlings joke)?

Headlines

AITOOW doesn't understand why Jay Leno doesn't sort through his "Headlines" before he goes on air? Every Monday he shuffles through the stack to get to the ones he thinks are the most funny. He wastes a ton of time. Why doesn't he rehearse the segment to gauge the time he can allot to the segment and then put in the proper amount or the best or put them in order of his favorites? Every time he has a stack of unused ones. It seems very unprofessional.

Faint Praise

AITOOW thinks it's funny that the media is lionizing Obama for his "unilateral" action against the Somali pirates that would have been called cowboy diplomacy if Bush did it? What happened to peaceful dispute resolution? Shouldn't a UN resolution have been passed? And it's not like he was the point man on the op. Although the media portrays him as such. Now I am pleased he didn't do the wrong thing ala Bill Clinton and the missed opportunities to bomb Al Queda, but, let's remember he did make his order "conditional" and those "conditions were pretty onerous and grey enough to provide him cover. And that's the thing. He tries to cover every angle and please everyone. I'm not sure he'll be able to continue the tight rope walk. But, let's give him credit for not being a total idealogical moron or a paralytic. The one worry I had about him was that he would see all sides of an issue like Clinton and not be able to make a decision through lack of core principles or a desire to gather more info. He has shown an ability to make quick, thoughtful, pragmatic decisions. Now I obviously differ on the role of government in our society, but, I do like his ability to manage so far. He's probably the right guy for a nation of spoiled, lazy, perpetual adolescents (and that includes you dopes who need God and not the State to be your care giver).

Side Note: Isn't it funny that when either side is in power they are very results oriented in their defense of an issue? I'm not hearing a lot of "nuance" arguments from the left on this issue. Their entire argument is "it worked didn't it".

Also: How is it that he made over 250k before he joined the Senate? Does the state of Illinois pay that well? And I never want to hear Rahm (16 million from a financial firm) Emmanuel rail against the banking industry.

Extra Extra

AITOOW understands that print newspapers are superfluous? Invesitigative journalism will survive on TV (60 Minutes et al) and magazines where speed is not a criteria (as will Travel and Entertainment). Breaking news, weather, and gossip will (already is) be distributed via the web by volunteer "men at the scenes" (ala You Tube and Bangalore). Crosswords and Soduku and Comics will go back to specialized soft cover print. Business and Sports (statistics), Movie/TV Listings will be pushed automatically by computers via the web. Which is good because did we ever really want to know what a moron with a 4th grade reading level was told to cliche about by his lawyer/agent? Corporate advertising will go to direct media where it should have been to begin with (who the hell reads circulars anyway). Personals, Want Ads, Classifieds and Listings will go (already there) to Craigs List et al. This is in response to the donkeys that I have heard on Charlie Rose (AP's head) and the McLaughlin Group this week. You'll be lucky if you can force an unwanted, weekly edition (psuedo magazine) onto Kindle. AP might get some dinosaur's, cronies and law suit phobic suits to pay for content. But, it's a poor business to persue. Newspapers might survive on inertia and habit for a time. But, it's a waste of societies resources. And don't bemoan the loss off regional content. It's a global world. National is now what local was. And most of you whiners are the same people that want us to be involved in global initiatives and think Americans are too ignorant of world issues. Well guess what you got your wish. And have you ever read a local section? It's boring. But, don't worry. I'm sure some hayseed with a phone will capture and upload all your local excitement for you. If not. Why don't you try actually talking to a neighbor. And too the out of work journalists - just apply for teaching gigs. You always thought you were edumicating the rest of us anyway. Now you can do it from behind the screen. That's if you are as good as you think you are.

Cutting Cookies

AITOOW thinks Allison from AI looks like Kathleen Turner (post not pre menopause)? Also, aren't we just recycling archetypes at this point. We've got variations on the following themes - a Abercrombie Sanjaya, a gothier David Cook, a Kelly Clarkson/that rocker chick, Fantasia without the Pati LaBelle hair, a morph of Kristy Lee Cooke and the shy, brittle one with a tattoo, and assorted, forgotten, silly white boys from the past.

Louie Louie

AITOOW thinks Bonnie Hunt's mother looks like Louie Anderson? The scary thing is that Bonnie is just a haircut away from the same look (if you look close enough).

New Show

AITOOW thinks the writing on that new show "Better Off Ted" is pretty sharp? Last episode they had a scene where the company gave the black employees their own water fountains to try and placate a perceived injustice (the automatic light sensors didn't see them). The "blacks only" sign was a hilarious social satire on what can happen when good intentions are not thought through.

Word Play

AITOOW loves to play with Obama's name? Robot Obama. Obama Claus. Obamatons. Obamanation. Barracknaphobia. Obamafication. I feel like Rich from SNL. Obama making copies...

Birds of a Feather

AITOOW agrees with the following? Aside from those who choose based on who offers the most stuff, people select a system of governance based on which system includes the most people who look like them. This is why women and minorities and the poor believe government should be entrusted with power. They see people like themselves in charge and included in that dynamic. It is comforting. It makes them think they could thrive in that sort of system. Whereas they see a harder path to inclusion in the private sector. The reverse is true for non-minorities and men (although to a lesser extent).

Do As I Say...

AITOOW noticed that the Treasury relaxed the mark to market accounting rules to trick the public into thinking things are shibby? Wasn't Spitzer putting people away for this at the beginning of the decade?

Ben-ding to Pressure

AITOOW who was shocked that liberal lobster fuck Ben Assflick actually was the first to step forward in an obsequious attempt to lampoon the president? It happened on fellow monster chin Assachusettite Jay Leno's talk show. Although, he prefaced it with the caveat (inaccurate) that it (the president's verbal pauses) only happens after a thoughtful, paragraph length explanation (an obvious dig at W's fact driven retorts). What Big Head Ben went on to attempt (sheepishly) was a "uhm" moments that occur every half a sentence in an Obama speech and his robotic cadence. An imperfection that is as obvious as it is ignored by the people who's job it is to poke fun at such affectations. It was funny to see him abandon the impersonation half way as he was obviously getting eye fucked by the Obamatons in the audience.

Twits

AITOOW wishes people would just shut up about Twitter? It's bad enough Hoda and Kathie Lee have a facebook page.

The Jolly Green Giant

AITOOW can't stand Seth Rogen's laugh? How do you function when you are high all the time? That hemped up snorttle is too much to handle. It's irritating and disgusting all in one. I hear him slurping up in preparation for a new one.

Hear Mo Evil

AITOOW is astounded by the abuse the English language experiences during March Madness? It's like a Frazier family reunion. I heard one Head Start alumnus call a player "procipient" when he was aiming for "prescient". And all the unnecessary metaphores. It's like that thing. You know. The thing that's like that other thing. Just say the guy jumped really high for the rebound. We don't need to be told it's "like an outfielder climbing the wall". Metaphores are supposed to elucidate a complex concept. "Man jump high" doesn't need any "splaining". And don't get me started on the spazzing out on mundane action. Or working in their gay catch phrases. I also like that doofus that asked Coach K for a "primer" when he was in need of a "synopsis". I love that these guys have a job in which language is the currency of the realm.

It Is Spring Break After All

AITOOW thinks Jim Calhoun's "heart issue" sounds fishy? I wouldn't be at all suprised if he has an alcohol problem and had a few too many the night before. He always had the look of a lush in my eyes.

You Play To Win The Seed

AITOOW who would rather see teams play every other team once than replay teams while competing in a double elimination round robin? These pools like in the WBC or Olympics or World Cup make the luck of the draw too consequential. You would have to add games, but, each country could return home with their personal pyrhic victories and bragging rights over someone. Then the top two teams can battle it out for the crown. You would spread the money trail out over the course of the games (instead of being back ended) and see every possible combo of teams. For some countries the head to head against a nemisis is more important than the crown. You could do away with so many rest and travel days.

Pass the Buck

AITOOW finds it funny that a year ago we were talking about taxing hedge funds out of existence and now we are giving them 93 to 7 financing? How many bahjillionaires will this create? I wonder how many recently displaced IB's will be buying their old portfolios for their new employers?

Why We Are In A Recession

AITOOW laughs at the '00's as compared to the 90's (I also laugh at the the '90's as compared to the 80's) on the topic of innovation? I can't think of one new creation. Blogs are just re-packaged message boards. I Pods are just re-packaged MP3 players. I Phone is just consilidation. You Tube is just a video message board. Facebook is just a public intranet. HDTV was invented in the 90's. Snuggy is just a backwards robe. I think the one invention to come out of this century is the Sham Wow.

Less Chins Than A Chinese...

AITOOW wonders if it Asians are so smart why there are next to none involved in public service? Is it because we are too dumb to include them or they are too smart to accept? Couldn't the Treasury use their math proficiency?

800 Math, 600 Verbal

AITOOW is disturbed by the new buzz word - "optics"? As in - the optics on the AIG bonus scandal are terrible. This is an incorrect use of the term. Stop trying to turn every adjective or verb into a noun.

Reprecussions Of A Kent School Education

AITOOW didn't understand that interlude on Family Guy Sunday in which they cut to a full version of a Conway Twitty song? Did they lose a bet? Did they run a minute or two short of material? It was excessive. Even for them. I does show the perils of growing up in a non-cable universe. No way some lobster fuckers from RI would have ever seen Hee Haw (or whatever that was) if they had more than one channel growing up. Although they had one of the better observations ever about a dog being woken up by his own farts.

What Happens When A Woman Has No One To Love

AITOOW saw that the self satisfied organic food lady on 60 Minutes had yellow teeth, thinning, lifeless hair and a Buddha belly? So much for the visible evidence of her organic regime. And what a revelation she has uncovered. Food that costs more to produce - tastes better. Shouldn't it? And how good of a chef can you be if you have to rely on better ingredients to ensure better taste? Not to mention all these tiny gardens impact the environment more than one large one. Just like any other industry. And people like her are willing to limit the opportunities that the next wave of American workers have to live a life like she enjoys. Conservation, sustainable living are just code words for keeping the poor poor and keeping them on their side of the tracks.

Tin Ear

AITOOW understands that the bonuses paid to AIG employees may be well deserved? It's only their Credit Default Swap business that's failing. Otherwise, they have a healthy business and those employees should not be punished because another division is losing money. They should at least get an IOU. If the government wanted to set up tiers of creditors in which employee salaries were one tier (a subordianted tier) then they should have closed the lending window when they took office. This would have allowed for a bankruptcy proceeding where AIG could escape their contractual obligations. You must think it's a healthy business underneath it all, or you would have just given the ultimate beneficiaries of the money (the Banks) the capital directly. So now let the company do what it needs to do to keep the healthy parts healthy or this whole exercise will have been pointless. This is no time to be penny wise and pound foolish. You can't have it both ways Obama Claus. And which is the greater sin? This? Or the earmarks that are more voluminous than your own auditory appendages.

I also love how it's always a member of his staff that has the comment too. Will we ever hear what he thinks about an issue? Who gives a rats ass what one of his ass sucks think.

Pots and Kettles Only

AITOOW wonders if ANY white person would have been considered for the cover of O magazine?

Third Member of Heart

AITOOW thought Kelly Clarkson looked like a troll doll on AI last night? Her song sucked too.

Bird In The Hand

AITOOW wonders why women game show contestants are so risk averse? Watch Jeopardy or Deal and see if they ever bet big on the Daily Double or don't take the first bullshit offer that insults probability. I don't know why they are so penny conscious in this enviroment. They seem to have no problem throwing those dollars down the toilet in real life. Maybe they should earn their allowance following game show rules.

Jews For Jesus

AITOOW wonders if Florida govenor Charlie Christ is Jewish? The honker says "yes". The last name says "no".

Obama Claus

AITOOW wonders if this clown has ever balanced a check book? My guess is that his wife handles anything involving math. So now we have the government spending money it hasn't stolen on stem cells to cure people whose care or retirements we can't afford to subsidize.

We Got a Red Dot Special on Aisle 4, Ya'll

AITOOW who finds Bobby Jindal to be the creepiest abomination on the planet? And that southern accent is the cherry.

1+1 = 1

AITOOW acknowledges that Obama is 1/2 white? He's just as much white as he is black. Why do blacks think he's theirs? I mean they can have him for all I care. But it's a little presumptuous don't you think? And spare me the one drop of blood BS. I thought we were living in a post racial world. Now if we could only live in a post Rachel (Ray) world. That would be something.

Hug It Out

AITOOW thinks Jeremy Piven is a skinnier Kevin James?

Cranky Poodle Dandies

AITOOW who wonders if the French like blacks because they look like poodles?

Negative Equity Loan

AITOOW finds it laughable tha Obambi's goal (which of course he will fail to meet) is to "slash" the deficit (not debt) in half by the END of his term? How is this not possible now that the budget is 1.3 trillion in the red. That would make it 650 billion. I think Bush's high (before 08) was 500-something and that included adding a prescription drug plan, 2 wars and tax cuts to the budget. I'm pretty certain that this excludes the one time charge of the 800 billion stimulus package (really 2009 budget part b) that off lined traditional deficit costs (good to see it's not only Wall St that learned this trick from Enron). It is almost all made up of "peace dividend II". My only concern is that the Republican's will win back Congress in two years and save him like they saved Clinton. And BTW the plan to address foreclosures is the same as Bernanke's propping up the banks with equity infusions. This time it's just going to prop up Fannie and Freddie.

And lastly. Were pundits smarter when I was young or was I just so much dumber? I used to be awed by the people on Sunday morning roundtables. Now, I shiver with anger at how unqualified they are.

The Tribe Has Spoken

AITOOW who scoffs at color blind sociologists when they watch the races exposed on such shows as Survivor? As if on cue, the ghetto girls (not sure if they are really from the ghetto just that most of their kind comprise the ghetto) shoot their mouths off and are shocked that anti-social behavior results in their ejection. Hint. It's called anti-social behavior for a reason. If you lived a normal environment, you would know that living for yourself does not make you an asset in a group dynamic. And you and your momma (because Daddy is unkown or uninvolved) do not make up a community. You would also know that even though you may be "da bomb" where you come from, you are still probably the bottom of the barrel when you compete with people from a real community (talkin' 'bout you Jugs Judy, Esq - I would love to see your LSATs). Now spare me the "they purposefully pick miscreants to fortify stereotypes" argument. Societies compete on a micro and macro level. There is no discrepency between these games and what goes on in the real world. It's just fun to shove people's noses in it.

BTW: AITOOW thinks it's unrealistic that the head bitches on campus on Gossip Girl are a Mick, a Spick and a Nig? Maybe at Dalton. Speaking of which, they are no Jews on GG. Talk about unrealistic. Have you been to Jew Nork City?

Ahhh Kelly Clarkson!

AITOOW wonders if AI's new format makes it more likely that the results could be manipulated (ala Howard Stern and Sanjaya)? I don't care. I was just wondering.

Mad Men(tal Deficients)

AITOOW listens to commercials? In that AT&T commercial in which the dad brings his daughter's monkey along on his business trip, the song they pair with it says "Sweet thing. Apple of my eye. You're the only reason I keep on coming home". Didn't the advertising agency ot Ma Bell find it strange that this song expresses the sentiment that the daughter is the only reason he comes home? If it were just the wife, he wouldn't bother. Nice message. It's not like you couldn't choose any song you wanted. And nice content awareness. Another case of negligence in the ad world. That's why they get the big bucks. Worthless industry. And the funny thing is they fancy themselves artistes. Oh, I just thought of something. He's doing his daughter AT&T and you're enabling it.

Unappetizing

AITOOW doesn't grasp the concept of appetizers that cost as much as the main course? Isn't paying a 10X mark up once a meal enough?

Kiss Me Kate - Once You've Put This Bag On

AITOOW would prefer it if Kate Winslet wasn't comfortable exposing her barrel chested body in movies? I have nightmares about those dollar sized nipples hanging from those simian like bags of sand she calls breasts. They were bad enough in that Harvey Kietel movie like ten years ago, but now they just offend. And what's up with her bad dye job. It looks like a Clairol home treatment that has grown out. It just makes her lock jaw, lady beard, face mole and volpish eyebrows stick out more. She looks like the daughter that dwarf from Lord of the Rings and a billy goat would have sired.

It's Howdy Damey Time

AITOOW thinks women who have face lifts and collagen injections look like puppets? Not cute little Sesame Street puppets. But, scary ventriloquist dummy like puppets. See Joan Rivers.

Me The People

AITOOW finds it charming that Robot keeps claiming "the people" sent him to Washington and they should listen to him. Actually only 1/3 voted and from that almost 50% didn't vote for you. So you only speak for a little over 1/6 of us. And it's nice to see my prediction of paralysis by analysis is already rearing it's ugly head. Doing the right thing too late is no better than doing the wrong thing quickly. At least by acting, the public is lulled into a false sense of security from which it can operate. Before they know the were given a bill of goods, they dig themselves out of their own hole.

Don't Phelps That Bong

AITOOW thinks it's funny that our last three presidents can run the country but not be on a box of Wheaties? I'm not saying Kellogg's is wrong. Maybe they just need to pick the president. I actually think they just wanted out of the endorsement deal. The economy sucks and his 15 minutes were up. I just thought he was goofy. Now we know he's baked like a potato.

You're Not The Boss Of Me

AITOOW doesn't understand the chain of command in Robot's White House? He's assigning people to newly created postions within his Department heads' hiearchy. So much for empowerment. How long until we have an incicdent because we don't know who reports to whom? Let the power plays begin. And since 2 of these appointments were at State, can we gleen anything about his faith in the Cackler? Why do I feel Robot is going to be the king of assigning committees to study issues.

Dim Silver

AITOOW can't stomach the fact that an imbecile like the CEO of Quicksilver is allowed to be a CEO? In his commercial, he states that in surfing a tsunami is good. This is his lame association with the question about the economic tsunami. Additionally, it sucks because even a tidal wave is a little more than most surfers can handle. He also mixes cliched metaphores. Speed of light, wolf pack. What do these have in common? Could you have less of a facility with language? And he ends it with your protypical beach boy patois. A CEO (!) explains that this allows him to "rip it up". I'd like to rip up your contract. How are you allowed to do anything but get coffee? And this is the person this idiotic investment company persued over all others to market its brand. Sad.

Magically Duplicitous

AITOOW finds Magic Johnson's analogy in his commercial of his team's making the playoffs lame? First off, how arrogant were you that you thought your World Championship team would crumble without you? They won 60 games with you the year before and 54 without you. That means you were worth 6 games. Not that vital. Second, you hold this life experience up to say that your team prospered (dispite your worries) with out you. Actually you played in 39 of those games and your team still lost in the first round of their great accomplishment (making the playoffs - in which you played). The only message I get from your comparison is that you were egomanical and those losers accomplished little (everyone makes the playoffs in the NBA). It's a lame story.

Super Sunday

AITOOW is aware that Bruce Springsteen has morphed into Tony Bennett? It's funny to see a man whose last hit was Philadephia (and thank God those Guido Irishicans' Ehgles choked) singing about Glory Days. And didn't it make you proud that our president gave a "shout out"? How presidential. I'm suprised we didn't get a "what what" or a "yeh-aahh". It was also interesting that he pandered to the troops by saying the were the best troops we've ever had. I wonder who's responsible for that? BTW The Cards played the better game.

Pot Calling the Kettle Off Black

AITOOW who finds it charming that Robot calls out Wall Street for bonuses (actually commissions accrued) while they are asking for tax payers money while as a senator he voted for pay raises while he and his cohorts similiarly squeezed US taxpayers while they mismanaged the countries finances to the tune of 10 trillion? While he may not be responsible for all 10 trillion. I believe somewhere north of 2 trillion happened on his watch. Now I'm not defending John Thain, but have some shame.

...Right Now Over Him

AITOOW finds it telling that the Dems now are imploring the country to "come together"? I guess that is an admission that you had kept yourselves apart from your country in the past. How very patriotic of you. Instead of leading the call for unity, how about you listen to it for once.

On a side note - it's unbelievable that the party in power is yet again setting the trap for its own demise. This un-stimulus plan will result in their losing Congress. Robot will get a second term (because we like talk and not action) but Pelosi will have to go back to haunting houses. Didn't we just spend 600 billion on roads that some said was pork we didn't need? Notice how Robot is not quite as eloquent now that he is speaking extemperaneously. Can he draw out the word "and" any further?

Aaaaand did Barney (Elmer Fudge) Frank really say last night on the Nightly Business Report that before a couple of months ago he didn't give any thought to what banks did and did not do? And I was scared when Democrats took over in '06 that the ship would be steered by woefully unqualified people from districts with the most uninformed voters.

TV=Trailered Vidiots

AITOOW can't believe there is a person alive that didn't know the digital transfer was coming? Aside from political ads these ads have been the most annoyingly prominent messages on TV for over a year.

Quick question: Can't we keep running the ads after the switch as part of Robot's stimulus boondoogle?

Tiny Smalls

AITOOW thinks Vern Troyer looks like a shrunken, white Michael Clark Duncan? And can someone teach that midget midget how to french kiss? And if he gets as many girls as they say he does, what would you do if you found out you banged a girl that he did? Not that his peashooter would leave any evidence, but how could anyone?

Mira(cle), Not!

AITOOW couldn't understand what Mira Sorvino was going for in her Last Templar performance? Was this role supposed to go to Jennifer Aniston but they couldn't get Jennifer Aniston so she told them she could be Jennifer Aniston (why do I feel like Jim Carey all of a sudden - Jen-nifera A-Anistona)? She kept trying to do that batting her eyes like an eleven year on her first date thing that Aniston relies on. And if she was trying to play the kitten, I can tell you that her caved in face wrapped around that rhinoplasticized shnosool made that challenging. A scaredy cat maybe. But, not the type that is scared of you, but the one you're scared of. I don't know why the character wouldn't be such a flirt (I obviously didn't read the book). It doesn't make sense. BTW the whole movie (the parts I saw inbetween 24 commercials) was amateuristic. That struggle on the boat was laughable. I smell a Razzie!

Ebray

AITOOW doesn't understand why clowns watch an item and then don't bid on it? You see the minimum price. It's not going down. If it was too much for you, why are you watching it?

Can someone also explain why ebay has a button for sellers to fill out when they've shipped an object, but, doesn't put that on the buyers dashboard. It's kind of an important piece of info.

Time Poorly Spent?

AITOOW wonders if writing counts as not being idle? If not then the guy who wrote "idle hands are the Devil's playthings" was doing the work of the Devil. And why would the Devil warn us against himself? And what does that say about the books of the Bible?

Workin' At The Carwash

AITOOW doesn't understand the concept of high school charity carwashes? There's got be a more lucrative way of making money than having pedophiles ogle teenage girls. Which also leads me into a rant about people who solicit charity. If you got a job with your commitment of time and donated those proceeds to your charity, you wouldn't have to leech off the rest of us. And we may give anway (doubling the effectiveness). And did you ever notice that the same people that bitch about their financial situation are the first to throw away their money on these parasites. You don't even know where the money ends up.

American Idle

AITOOW thinks this year's American Idol is dull? They've made the show a boring mess with all these manipulative vignettes about down on their luck contestants. Why don't they capitulate and just start building houses for these people? Oh, right that show already exists. Get back to what you do best - making fun of losers. Or at least let us see some of the others who made it. And incidentally, the talent this year is poor.

Is Randy a fat Sam Jackson? Why does he need the L anyway? Does it stand for loser?

Marble Fawns

AITOOW is just nauseated by the coverage Robot received yesterday? Racist blacks, self-hating whites, socio-pacifists of every order, old Europe and the self-appointed "intelligensia" (media) can't stop fawning over Curious George. He is nothing but words. He will accomplish nothing. His handlers are already spinning expectations and promises made during the campaign. And you will lionize him because he's black and wears a suit. Just that clean Negro Joe Biden was waiting for.

I have a deep dislike of the Holly-leftist (actually wind chasing) talk show hosts that refuse to take a swipe at the Robot and instead continue to pile on the man whose Texas sized cock you were blowing after 9/11. I'm just glad your shows will suffer from your fear of poking fun at the Messiah. The man was the first president to flub the oath of office. Where was the Great Moments in Presidential Speeches?

Lastly, let's talk about the free pass Michelle Obama and the rest of the blacks are getting on their sartorial acumen. Her outfits yesterday were a lufa sponge and a goose carcass. Don't forget about Eurtethra's hat. That fat chick on The View didn't know what was wrong with it. And let's put to bed the talk about Michelle being hot. She's Al Roker's wife with a bigger ass. The girl is a power forward for the WNBA.

My Tip To You

AITOOW doesn't understand why they put a tip line on receipts at some fast food/self serve restaurants? It's bad enough that you have to pay an extra 15-20% at every meal for the 20 foot walk to and from the kitchen, but I don't want even the possibility of a dirty look for not giving a tip to the guy that hands me a sandwich over a counter. Here's a tip. If you own a self serve type restaurant don't buy the accounting software for a real restaurant. You just make everyone uncomfortable. And I bet you pocket that extra cash anyhow.

Economic Stimulus Bill of Goods

AITOOW sees that Robot's stimulus package is just the spend part of his tax and spend philosophy mingled with his middle class tax cut promise? It's just growing government under the guise of stimulus. It's exactly what we just spent 8 years doing. There's nothing inventive about this. Grow debt grow.

If you're going to rip on Paulson for providing bridge loans and VC to banks as lacking in creativity or efficacy, then where's the outrage at this paint job?

Heard That Before

AITOOW thinks the chorus to Take Your Money is like Rumpshaker? All I want to do is bang bang bang and take your money v. All I want to do is zooma zoom zoom with a boom boom, rumpshaker.

90210bfuscation

AITOOW thought the new 90210 copped out when they failed to have Brenda acknowledge her original series abortion as the cause of her distress when she heard about the junkies pregnancy? Way to go with the - I can't have kids explanation. Can you not have kids because of the abortion? Nice to see that 10 years later they're less topical. Cowards.

Boyle Him In Oil

AITOOW noticed that the Americans in Slumdog Millionaire were made to look foolish for being charitable? In the movie, two American tourists are robbed and unknowingly defend the mastermind of the plot from a beating and give him money for the offense. Instead of heralding the generosity of the Colonists, this yellow toothed, bigot turns them into a joke for his antiquinarian countrymen. Here's a bulletin for you 19th century has beens. Charity is neither embarrassing nor regrettable. Maybe if you didn't rape their country, Americans wouldn't be placed in that position. Sorry, if we've created a nation so far removed from that rapraciousness that we may be out of place when we visit one. Is there a third world mess that wasn't sown by the hands of the British empire?

Pizza Faces

AITOOW who thinks Kurt Warner is really the guy who owns Papa John's?

And The Winner Is...

AITOOW thinks that the People's Choice Awards were less than surprising? Let's see. You showed up. I wonder if you will win the award?

White Trash Bowl

AITOOW couldn't find anyone in the stands of the BCS game that was doable? I mean usually a college football game has some drool inspiring honies in the stands. Even their cheerleaders were puffy and gross. What a red neck cross section of America.

White is Wrong

AITOOW received the following subtext from John Quinones' special on tolerance Wednesday night? You have to be tolerant of all other cultures when they are in America, but, white Americans do not have to be tolerated in other countries. Once again, everybody else can act like ignorant, xenophobic jack asses. Just not whites.

Hey Der Hi Der Ho Der

AITOOW thinks Bill Richardson is the love child of George Lopez and Bob from the 70's Show?