Stretching The Truth

AITOOW who thinks Katie Couric got some work done recently? And I don't mean reporting.

Speaking Of Fatties

AITOOW who thinks The Biggest Loser turns obese people into merely fat people?

No Spanks

AITOOW wants Spanks outlawed? Take about false advertising. While I haven't had the displeasure of encountering them during a makeout session, I can just hear Rob Lowe in my head when he was trying to get it on with the chubby blond in St. Elmo's Fire - "Is that your scuba suit"? Please girls. It's enough to have to deal with your padded bras, makeup, colored hair and reconstructive surgeries. Do you really want to be the butt (no pun intended) of all his friends ribaldry? We will kiss and tell. And we won't respect you in the morning. Cheating won't end in eating. Try discipline and exercise.

John, George, Don and Ringo

AITOOW has finally found out what region Donald Trump is channeling with his purse lipped neo nasal moan? He talks like Paul McCartney. Now I don't know if that's a Liverpool thing, but, at least we can find one other soul with that odd speach affectation.

Monkey See, Monkey Doo Doo

AITOOW thinks that shoe throwing guy in Iraq is the same as poop throwing monkey in a zoo? If shoe throwing is your culture's method of showing disapproval, you have the same measure of civilization as a pack of monkeys.

Cel-u-lite

AITOOW hates celphone commercials? Let's start with that douche bag CEO of Sprint. You're not charismatic. You're a dingy, bald irritant. And way to play from the advertising history book of creativity - the CEO spokesman. And $99 for unlimited service is neither cheap nor revolutionary. You seem like the last person I would listen to. No wonder your stock is at $6. Next let's rip on (I think it's Sprint/Nextel again - though not sure, so how's that for effectiveness) that retread of a disaster from last year. That Beyonce spot with her shaking her hippo like flat chested cellulite to the Upgrade song. It's nauseating. And who choreographed that lame dance number? I keep waiting for Jay Z to coat tail one of his Bobby Brown quality rhymes into it. At least it shows thrift on the companies part. Too poor to spend on production this year?

Call It What It Is

AITOOW is sick of people making up justifications for acting selfishly? I just saw an article on taking a Babymoon. Now I don't care if you want to go on vacation. But, don't try and justify it. Just take it. You don't need a cute little excuse to justify it. It's your money. And if you do need to label it, then maybe you should listen to your guilty conscience and forgo it.

Rip Off

AITOOW thinks the plot of Twilight was better when it was called Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Let's see...a teenage girl falls in love with a nice, brown haired vampire (Angel) and is threatened by a white haired vampire (I forget his name in Buffy). It's ridiculous that this is a hit.

Chin Music

AITOOW who can't understand how Jay Leno is a star. He's ugly. He's not funny. He's fat. He has no charisma. He has no talent. He's a dork. I just can't understand how we pick celebrities. This guy is proof that Faustian bargains can be negotiated.

Before and After

AITOOW finds it funny that actresses in the pilot season of a show that becomes a hit have smaller tits than when the series resumes? I just saw a re-run of House and the female lead had an A cup. Doesn't now. Just as well as it seems that their asses swell up as they get money to feed themselves and/or the daily work grind has them noshing at craft services all day and night.

Foozball

AITOOW thinks the BCS game will be more like Arena Football than gridiron?

Have It Their Way

AITOOW can't make heads or tails of the menus at fast food restaurants? They obfuscate every menu item behind their value meals. You can't find individual items. You can't find their costs. They play this stupid game of hide and seek beyond comprehension. Stop trying to upsell your customers. Just list the items on your menu like normal people.

Double Standard

AITOOW is astonished that the media is suddenly demanding patience in regards to what government can accomplish? The same partisans that were caterwaulering two days into Katrina or Iraqi Freedom are now remonstrating any of those who expect results from the Obama admin. The same assholes who can't let go of unsourced, salacious accusations against Sarah Palin. She's yesterdays news. Let it lay. Can't you even evince an ounce of graciousness in the middle of your euphoria. Let me tell you, everyone of these partisan slights will be revisited on your golden boy ten fold. And it will be your infantile behaviour that stirred the hornets nest. Do I have to remind you of missing computer keys? How are you not ashamed of yourselves? Oh, that's right. You only point your powers of observation at others because what you would find inside would disturb you.

Color Blind Mess

AITOOW wonders when blacks will be held to same standards of color blindness as the rest of America? Lost in all the post election white self-congratulatory back slapping, is the fact that over 90% of blacks voted according to identity politics with indemnity. Can you name a black district without a black official in charge? Then again I guess they can be excused because....I'll tell you why - the arbiters of social conscience don't think you are equal to them. You are like a baby that shits its diaper. You can't help yourself. You're just a baby.

Pre-spin Zone

AITOOW finds it fascinating that the news goes out of its way to editorialize that the markets are not falling in reaction to Wall Street's skepticality on Robot? They can't just say the market was down. They have to interject that Robot is not the cause. How do they know? They're spinning their own story. Take about synergy. I do know that McCain won they would saying just the opposite. But then again, the market probably wouldn't have fallen. Yet, I bet they still would have had something negative to say about McCain re the market.

Graded On A Curve

AITOOW can't wait for the first critic of Robot to be branded a racist? You know he won't receive an iota of criticism from the press. I also can't wait until dark skinned brothers start lamenting that America is still racist because Robot is only a halfro. There's just to much leverage with white guilt for them to move beyond it.

It's so funny how most (the media) treat Republicans as the prodigal son who can do no right and who they heap nothing but scorn upon while they lavish attention, patience and love on Democrats. If this were done by parents what would we think of them?

The Undeciders

AITOOW who thinks the "undecideds" are 40 year old + women? Who else could be unable to make a decision by this point? Have you ever seen them order at a restaurant? The only plus is that they will get to experience similiar mind numbing deliberations for the next 4 years.

Intoler-ant-able

AITOOW heard some liberal douche bags booing a centerist war hero on SNL? You have the election in the bag and you can't suppress your animal urges even in polite company? I only wish you had the mental capacity to read this admonishment.

Goodness Gracious

AITOOW noticed that the press has finally conceded that Robot can't lose? You can tell that the change has occurred because the eight year assault of negative spin and vitriol has cooled. They're even allowing some of the embarrassing elements of the Robot bio to see the light of day.

Gobble Gobble

AITOOW thinks Hillary clinton looks like a preening turkey in her pants suit? She just needs some feathers sticking out of that enormous caboose.

Uncivil Union

AITOOW read that the UAW cancelled a Toys for Tots drive because GM wouldn't pay them overtime to hold it? And you wonder why no one gives a damn about you.

XX Warning

AITOOW believes that women are total despots when they become wives and mothers?

The Real Leaders of Wall Street

AITOOW finds it funny that all of the analysts at investment banks are saying that you/they should wait until there is momentum in the market before you/they should buy in? What they are really saying is that they are such cheicken shits that they have to wait for others to provide leadership. That leadership will have to come from hedge funds who will then be derided for making the most money out of this collapse.

Object-ionabl-ivity

AITOOW saw that negative media coverage of Juan was at 58% and only 27% for the Robot? While the spread is probably more like 100 to 0 if you eliminate talk radio and Fox, it still tells you something about credibility and objectivity in journalism. Not that it's been a secret for years.

Hearsay Heresy

AITOOW has heard the Robot commercial that says Florida was only lost by 500 votes in 2000? When did the libs concede that this was the truth?

ACORNucopia

AITOOW knows why Democrats are leading in early voting? They don't have jobs to keep them from the polls. Or know how to/can afford to mail an absentee form.

Pants on Fire

AITOOW doesn't understand how Robot ties our federal borrwing from China to oil payments from individuals to Arabia? He says we borrow 700 billion from China to give to oil producing countries. We don't. There is no correlation.

Wherever He May Go...

AITOOW chuckles at the thought that other countries thought that they were decoupled from the US Stock markets. Not only are they not, those little bitches still act like sheep following their shepard. They are totally unable to take a leadership position. Any movement up or down is just a reaction to what we do. So much for an end of US domination on financial matters. It's still our century.

Torre Smelling

AITOOW is not on the Joe Torre bandwagon? For years he was had the highest paid, highest talent teams and it still took miracles like Jim Leyritz' ding dong, the miscall on Jeter's flip to get Giambi, Aaron Boone's dinger, Brosius' dinger, etc to get his team to the finish line. His team had the fifteenth best record this year despite a huge payroll. The Marlins won more! He's about to lose again. Can we give him the scrutiny he deserves. You'd think he was Robot Obambi.

Mean Streets

AITOOW wants liberals to shut up about how the campaign is turning ugly? All because some people voice that they don't want Robot to be the HNIC? I think they've been unbelievably cordial. Do you remember the things you've said about W? This from Code Pink-o (disrupters of congressional hearings and opposition conventions), Move On.organ (General Betray Us), peace marchers/flag burners, the protesters this weekend in Philadelphia (Boston without the brains) and the thousands of classless, self-sensitive hypocrites who regularly bully and shame their way through the world. I guess it makes sense. If you don't have a mirror (as evinced by your physical appearance) you can't look in it. If you can't look at yourself, you can't judge yourself. Maybe mirrors are the next to go after they eliminate all competing revolutionaries?

Where's Your Messiah Now?

AITOOW wants the Clinton nostalgia to stop? He balanced the budget. He enjoyed a peace dividend that incidentally created Bin Laden and required the current deficits to remedy. He lead a decade of prosperity. He rode a wave of ingenuity and efficiency enabled by Silicon Valley and sown by Bush 1. He also left us in a downturn/recession that caused Bush to cut taxes to stimulate the economy and resulted in more deficts. He made America popular overseas. He was out smarted by Kim Jung Il. He sold satelitte spy technolgy to the Chinese. He fought a war with no-national implications in Serbia. He allowed Sadam Hussein to ignore international sanctions when people associated with administration weren't making money helping him black market oil.

And let's not forget his pro-nafta position, his betrayal of his own party (welfare), his failure to do anything on health care, his failure to address entitlements, the murder of Vince Foster, all the scandals he brought with him from Arkansas, the renting of the Lincoln bedroom, and of course the cigar in the big, wet pussy.

Chasing Butterflies (Effects)

AITOOW who wonders what if? What if Robot picks Shillary? The Republicans get charged up. Juan doesn't need to pick a woman or a Conservative and picks Romney who gives him Michigan and the high ground on the economy. Then again he may have picked Yoda and screwed it all to hell.

Heh Heh Snort

AITOOW thinks Juan McCain sounds like Little Nicky, my friends?

Eye of the D-holder

AITOOW doesn't understand how the talking heads can say that Robot won his debate by not seeming unpresidential (making a gaffe) after they said Peggy Hill hadn't won her debate by simply not making any mistakes. Oh, that's right. They're partisans.

Not Plugged In

AITOOW thought Joe Biden looked tired at times in the debate? Especially early on. I'm surprised nobody is mentioning it.

F for Effort

AITOOW doesn't think its wise for networks to have politicos grading a debate? The way they see things is not how many see things (or we would be bowing at the altar of Karl Marx). They care way too much about substance. And more importantly Marxist substance. The average voter is too disengaged to be influenced by that. If they want to know who won the debate, bring in a cross section of voters. But, maybe they don't want to know. Maybe they want to crown the "right" candidate?

BTW. Peggy Hill should have mentioned that leaders beholden to a pacifict movement don't have the flexibility to fake force in diplomatic discussions. She should have also said "do you want a fish or a fishing pole". Unfortunately, most Americans have grown so lazy and dependent they probably have no reservations about taking the fish.

I Keep Having a Dream

AITOOW has seen Spite Lee's latest train wreck? God I hope so. It's beyond torture to have to sit in his imaginary world where black people have the upper hand and are no less despotic than the supposed white devils that he derides. Is he so practically impotent (because of physically diminutive frame and racial obscurity) that he has to conceive these alternate universes? I hope he realizes it is only in his movies that his "heros" get the girl, beat the villian, etc. Was he raised on Shaft? And how obsessed is he with white women and white women's breasts particularly. Talk about a test subject. Talk about gratuity. Beyond all the racially wish fulfillment, his stories are boring, historically inaccurate and poorly edited (are they edited?). He doesn't resolve plot points realistically. His scripts are full of misplaced and pedantic monologues. He forces imagery. He gets little out of his actors. His characters are charicatures. His characters have no dimension (it's like a mid-evil morality play). He shoe horns in girls he wants to bang or cronies into roles. He spells out the obvious and ignores the confusing. The whole mess smacks of poor pre-planning. It appears that he only cares about 5 things: making whitey look like an ass, having a white woman give herself over to a black man, espousing some ridiculous barber shop wisdom, showing some tits and inserting his father's second rate instrumentals into the sound track.

The only miracle is how he gets financed. Maybe he needs to go one step further and get Felini oe Bergman-esque on his sophmoric, moronic day dreams. It could be interesting to see an altered reality on screen. A real bizarro world. A modern day Planet of the Apes. His present rewriting of history just does a dis-service.

Tail Wagging

AITOOW wonders if yesterday's 777 (jackpot!) point drop in the market was an orchestrated tantrum or real fear and cover selling? Today's rebound makes it seem like they were poised to send a message if their bailout was not delivered. If they were really spooked today would have been another down day. But, that will now be tomorrow. Have fun day trading.

Old Boys Club

AITOOW saw the undeserved fauning over Spite Lee on Orca the other day? Is there anything a black person does that another black person doesn't support? Spite said he wanted to bring attention to the incredibly brave story of these pizza (err supplies) delivery men in WW2. You know the equivalent of storming the beaches of Normandy. Driving a truck, storming a machine gun nest. It's all equal or "good" as they say. It's not at all the equivalent of letting the retarded kid play right field because you have to have 9 to play. Here's how it goes. Delivery men are not soldiers. They are delivery men. It got funnier last night. Some critic on Access Hollywood gave a bad critique to the movie and the black reporter gave the most glorious stink eye. Bitch probably hasn't even seen the movie. Just hates whitey and his requirements.

On the circle the wagons "tip" as they say (they only have about 10 cliches in their vernacular), did you hear the replays of the 04 Fannie Me and Feddie Mac hearings in which the demon-crats ganged up on the regulator? The Black Congressional Cock-ass even went so far as to call criticism of Franklin (No Hold On The) Raines a lynching. Can you update your bullshit? You seem to be able to make up new slang for everything else.

Dim Dwarf

AITOOW would like to add former Sec. Robert Reich to the list of people who don't get it? He was on Conan last night pontificating on the foibles of the American economic system. He spouted some statistics (source?) that bemoaned the fact that the richest 1% grew by x percent over the last x years while the poorest grew poorer. Could that be because the richest 1% are the richest because they created value that benefited the rest of society and themselves? No. It must all because of tax policy. There was no wealth created in that time period. Only the pre-wealthy existed then and now. Could it also be that among the poorest are illegals that pull down the wages of that whole tier? He also bemoaned the poor citizens that are losing their houses. You mean the ones that falsified loan application forms or the ones who are consciously walking away from their obligations because their houses are under water? So now they are renters again. There just back to where they were before. I would be non-plussed if I believed that he was just distorting the truth for political expediency, but, I think he really believes it. The only reason he even gets airtime is because Consey is lobster fucking Massachusetts liberal (as evidenced by his ad libbed recitation of CNN and MSNBC as the place where he hears talk about the economy).

Two to Tango

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Code Pink-o

AITOOW wonders what is it about Obama that makes him immune to hecklers? Oh, that's right. He's black and conservatives have class.

Such As The Iraq

AITOOW thinks that the Palin bump will now turn in the other direction and bump McCain from the presidency? Not only does she seem to have not formulated opinions on the majority of issues facing a head of state, she seems unable to gracefully parrot the canned answers she is being supplied with. It's like watching a middle schooler answer an oral exam or a pageant contestant during the Q & A segment. Her eyes show fear and then she searches her brain for "the" required answer (not what she thinks). She complicates the problem by mixing the structured answers with her unstructured hillbilly colloquialisms. The debates are going to be brutal.

The Two Faces of Eve

AITOOW finds it hypocritical that blacks are the least sensitive social group (amongst themselves and towards others) yet they exhibit the most sensitivity towards perceived slights against their social group?

No Balls No Bailout

AITOOW feels it is unfair that debt consumers defaulted on is not forgiven while the government "forgives" the debt holders of the burden? I really hope that the government doesn't retire this debt and actually will keep it and turn a profit on it in the future. If not they just sent a very bad and unfair message. Have we created our own de facto sovereign wealth fund?

I'm With Stupid

AITOOW is always less than impressed with the bandwidth of the so-called experts? Last night the Senates leader on economic policy resorted to politics and tried to blame the economic melt down on lack of regulation (Republicans). He even had the audacity to excuse the Democratic Senate from the 80's, 90's and last year from the blame. First off all, all the regulation in the world won't make a difference if it is not enforced (see Immigration policy). Secondly, regulation is a game of cat and mouse. It is always one step behind the next crisis. The criminals will always be smarter than legislators (that's why we have a common law system and not a system of codes). Money attracts the most cunning minds. Not public service. Thirdly, if outsized profits and securitization abuses from companies like Enron and accounting abuses from everyone didn't alert you to the hanky panky you were willfully ignorant and complacent about the problem. Try reading editorials in Newsweek, Forbes, etc. Lastly, you seem to forget that you pressured these companies into lending to minorities and other high risk individuals. The American dream should not only be for the rich (good credit), right? Remember that Elmer Fudd? Don't try and wash your hands of it. And incidentally, swaps, lack of sufficient reserve requirements, the removal of the temporary short sale restrictions and opacity in the way debt instruments are valued are areas you might want to look at now. Or maybe another censure vote against the war is of more importance. Could you also stop misrepresenting the the Fed and Treasury's moves as bail outs. They are loaning money (interest and/or repayment of principal could benefit the tax payer) or taking an equity interest at bargain prices (could benefit the tax payers). This was done with the S and L's and ended up providing some of that budget surplus you guys always cite under Clinton. I actually don't get how the shareholders (of say AIG) weren't included in the discussions. I understand these sort of material actions to require shareholder approval not just board approval. The government is taking these companies under duress at bargain prices.

Lets also shake our heads at the book cooker Hank Greenberg of AIG. He also was on Charlie Rose making one wonder if they too have the brains to run a multi-national. He never would have let this (buying sub-prime debt) happen on his watch. If you didn't know what the accountants were doing or approved of it (cheating is always an easy way to grow your stock price) as you intimated when you said "I still believe the books were properly audited", why would we believe you would have known or stopped what one of your subs were doing. Now I hope your disgrace accounts for your seemingly weak understanding of the current economic mess. You are 82 and the stress must have affected your mental acuity. But, if this was the titan of industry that made AIG, anyone could do it. I was not impressed by you. On a side note - the reason they didn't include you in the talks was one of the following: You would narc on the current board's negligence, you have no credibility, your bail out plan was not as solid as you thought or their just wasn't time to do anything but do agree with what the government had already decided was the solution. Now stop whining about the implosion of the bomb (house of cards) you created. You took shoert cuts. The new board took more. Your company was only successful because you cheated while others did not. This is karma. Now that said it does suck that a company can be evicerated if you can't get a bridge loan. But, tell that to every other company a bank has taken down because the defaulted on an interest payment or anybody that lost a house because they missed one mortgage payment.

1 2 12345678910111213

AITOOW is defuddled by Robot's whacky cadence? I_Am (1_2) BarackObamaandIapprovedthismessage(12345678910111213)? It's like his mind wanders and then he has to hurriedly blurt out the whole sentence before he forgets or runs out of air. It's just (lets say) distinctive.

Tendencies?

AITOOW is torn between believing that promise rings are a beard or a lie? Just as the cloisters or the nunneries used to conceal homosexuality, are these promise rings a promise of man on man or girl on girl action? Or is it just a metallic, circular white lie (like Britney Spears' innocence. I'm told she gave it up at 14) of deception.

This is SNL

AITOOW discerned an overtly leftist return by the cast of SNL and their dwarfish Canadian Rasputin? They had been biting their tongues since 9/11 in cowardly corporative calculation. Now, fear and desperation makes them fly their true colors. What audacity and egotism that they presume that they can shape public opinion. Maybe they can invite David Littleman, Cohoque O'Brien, Bill Dia-Maher, Jimmy Crinke Cut and the fag from the VMA's to a symposium on how to left up the rest of late night. I would personally like to single out Beth Myers for his overt partisanship. You bitter Boston micro-phallus. You were so untalented that they sequestered you at the News Update desk. Just like your second class, ugly Red Sox, the Democratic party is a group of dirty losers. They will find another way to choke. You can only win when the other side gets bored of winning or when fortune swings so wildly out of balance. What is it like to have your whole identity defined by being rejected by the cool kids? To be the great unwashed mass? Is the root of the rage that seethes under you and every Mass-hole engendered by the same Irish curse that afflicts your neighbors? You hide behind a self-created delusion of intellectual superiority to hide your subconscious realization of your Darwinian inferiority. Really, Beth. Really. I can't wait until the backlash redounds to your corporate earnings report. Stick to what you do least worst - bad comedy.

I Like Ike

AITOOW sees a peculiar symmetry in that Hurricane Ike may raise gas to $5 which will give another Ike's (Eisenhower) doppleganger (John McCain) the election?

Jonnie Fair Play

AITOOW is giggling up a storm that political correctness is now being employed against its protangonists? Can you imagine the uproar if somebody said "I'll be a Monkey's Uncle" towards anything connected to the Ummer? Welcome to the Lipstick Farm.

I'm Tyra-ed of This

AITOOW tried to reach into the TV and strangle the ghetto rats that Miss Tyra chose for this year's America's Next Top Political Statement? Beauty really must be in the eye of the beer holder. A scank who was chosen to be the entrant from Asia (this affirmative action thing makes everything like the Olympics), a trany who was chosen to be the NTPS (or maybe it's the ugly dikeling), and the African representative went off on the innocent contestant from Alaska because she pushed the trany away from her in the hot tub. They said "she put her hands on her/him". Now, I don't want to get "all up in here" as they say, but, she barely redirected what is in actuality a man (pre-op) from distractedly smashing into her. Why don't you watch where you are stumbling She-Man? This almost smelled like a set up. The kind they do in the hood where you jump in front of a car for insurance money. Now the poor little girl (probably the only one without a STD) will be portrayed as the insensitive one while these three (others will probably join) cunts bully her into quiting. The most unbelievable thing that the ghetto Kimora Lee (like I thought I would see any one more ghetto) contended was that you don't do that where there from. Please. You slap a bitch for staring at you. I wonder if the producers watched a lot of Girls in Prison movies this hiatus?

Gloria

AITOOW saw Serena's Hippo butt at the Open? I really can't comprehend how body parts can grow that large. There was not even that much jiggle. Still it was funy when her skirt flew up and revealed that planet.

Suff-rage

AITOOW doesn't find it telling that the Mole Man says he wants equal pay so HIS daughters receive the same pay as Your sons? Self interest much? Would he be interested in this issue if it didn't benefit his own or garner him votes? Way to get out there on a limb. It's so unlike you to move against your self interest. It's also typical liberal "equal results" not "equal opportunity" dogma. Incidently, how do you accomplish this? Women are paid less because they persue lower paying careers, interrupt their careers in the peak earnings period, and have less of a skill set. But, I guess when we are all being paid by the State then those things won't matter.

Open Door Policy

AITOOW found it telling that the Black Dove answered as such - " I am inclined to believe..." when asked about the Fannie Mae bail out. It's not what he said it's how he said it. Lawyers are so particular it's funny. Especially when their career path is through public office. Will there be a press conference when inclination to believe turns into belief? I also found it interesting that he never penned a brief or article as head of the Harvard (I transfered in from Occidental) Law Review. You would think they would demand his preternatural cognition. Maybe he had inclined to, but never got around to it. He also, supposedly, never put his race in the application. Hmm, is it because Barrack Hussein Obama leaves no doubt or was he still inclining when the due date arrived? He has written almost nothing since. Inclining though. And he lost his first election campaign to his female mentor (who he tried to undercut). Maybe he should have inclined. Is the question this time around - Did you incline? Instead of did you inhale? We know he did number 2. Eew a pun. As DDL said in There Will Be Blood, "I look around at people and I see nothing worth liking". Applies to incliners too.

Face Men

AITOOW saw a marked shift in the hotness meter at the GOP convention? Were all those erection inducing hotties using their parents ticket on Wednesday? Was daddy using the tickets last night? Or did NBC (I was watching them because Campbell Brown is such a tiger on MSNBC- insert laugh track) try and show every doofus to counteract the sartorial dicohtomy between the two parties? GOP must stand for God 'Orn Pretty.

Idea Men

AITOOW who laughs when Hairplug and Curious George deride the Republicans for having no new ideas? Your "ideas" all cost money. Try coming up with some that don't. I have a new idea. I want an Astin-Martin. Oh, that's right it costs more than I can afford. But, good on me for being an idea man. Everyone else is so stupid. They need more of my good ideas.

Juneau

AITOOW thinks the media is doing just a bit more investigative journalism on Palin than they did on Barry? I wonder why that would be? I guess the pants suit lardass with the mullet was right - the real back of the bussers have a XX.

I Tell You What

AITOOW thinks Palin looks like Peggy Hill? Or Tina Fey.

Temperance

AITOOW gets satisfaction when they properly devour an item of food so that they are left with the perfect bite? It may be a plump, crusty piece of burger oozing with cheese or a piece of pizza overflowing with toppings. Properly identifying the perfect bite as the other less perfect pieces are eliminated is an art form. Save the best for last.

GM BS BS

AITOOW can read through the spin. They're offering employee pricing because of their 100th anniversary. Not because their sales are way down. Just come clean. We all know you are desperate. Ever try and buy a car nowadays GM? It's like they're trying not to sell you one. Try educating your take no prisoners dealer network instead. Or rename yourselves Bait and Switch Motors.

RoShamBo

AITOOW wants to see what trumps what in the American game of associative politics or if people actually rise above that kind of infantile thinking. In the game of black, white, woman rock, paper, scissors which category wins out. I preume black is spoken for. And whites over 25 were spoken for. Now we'll see if the glass cieling is really the issue. Then again with all the race and gender maneouvering, it might be a wash and it will come down to a game of rich, poor, middle class .

Putin on the Risk

AITOOW thinks Russia is so defiant in Georgia because they think Obama is going to win the White House? They know he'll do nothing about it. I remember the same international hubris when they thought Kerry was going to be the guy.

Do As I Say...

AITOOW can't decide if stock brokers who tout stocks they don't own (supposed impartiality over skin in the game argument) are more or less convincining that those who own (skin in the game over buy my position while I clear out concern) the stocks they recommend?

Peking at the Right Time

AITOOW who has observed the following concerning the Olympics:

The Thin Beast is James Carville
Dana Torres is the whitest hispanic ever and she should be refered to as The Silver Fox
Michael Phelps proves poor grill work is hereditary and causes a speech imepediment
Shawn Johnson looks like a rabbit
Chinese gymnasts get home cooking
Sacramone fell off the beam because her huge cans can not be controlled
Chris Bosh is Jar Jar Binks
Bolt will become a cocky dick (if not already). Let's grandstand after the race.
Track athletes need to learn about aerodynamics. They're hauling around 2 lbs of weave.
The new swim suits really take half the fun out of watching women's swimming
All the tall chinese people live in China
NBC has some how cured pock marks. I've seen Collinsworth and Costas in public and they have craters
Katie Hoff is soft (love that deer in the headlights look).
Our divers are fat
Women swimmers have zero muscle tone
Cyclists have tiny wieners (I tried not to look)
16 is the new 12 in Chinese gymnastics

Re-Nuptial Agreement

AITOOW thinks that one of the principals in the the Shaq divorce realized that the pre-nup was working against them? Then again it's probably love that holds us all together.

Juan is Number Juan

AITOOW who finds it presumptuous and counterinformative that the spanish language teams to put the first name of the athlete on the jersey? Maybe you have to when every family has 8 kids.

All That Glitters

AITOOW doesn't think Michael Phelps is the greatest athlete even if he breaks Mark Spitz' records? I mean he basically does the same skill and some of those medals are team medals. At least Carl Lewis (although a prick) ran and jumped for his medals. That's two different skills. Then again he did it sans Russkies. I just don't think a swimmer can ever be considered the greatest. Now if they would dive too?

Devil Went Down to Georgia

AITOOW wants to slap these blubbering children in the face? Who wants to bet that they were protesting against US aggression a week ago? Now that they faced with a real world threat, they want, nay, demand our intervention. It's time people understand that this is not the United Countries of America. You are not our responsability. You can't even afford to rent us if we were willing to be Hessians. Oooh, you sent 2,000 soldiers to guard truck depots in Iraq. Oooh you let a pipeline go through your country (that's for Europe's benefit anyway). Big commitment. Why would you think we should give up our assets and our blood for nothing in return. It's probably a good thing you will be taken over. Maybe now you will receive a decent education which will allow you to stop thinking stupid thoughts. And by the way, what did you think would happen when you started this war?

Porceline China

AITOOW wonders if the rest of the Earth is shocked by the parade of athletes at the Olympics? It makes it seem like the whole world is caucasian. It reminds you that there are still some left and they are way hotter than the melange we're stuck with.

13.50

AITOOW was a bit embarrassed by the USA gymnastic team? These little dwarfs were yo-yo-yoing it up like a bunch of wiggers. You are faggy little acrobats. You aren't street. It's bad enough when real white men do this. In addition, you got 3rd. You are losers twice removed. And you lost 7 points in 3 exercises. Thank God the Russian saved your asses. Team members Dim Sum and Bollywood along with the guy who was portrayed as Mr. Calm choked like a gymnast giving his first BJ. Nice job to the two other guys (aside from the ridiculous chatter).

Name First Please

AITOOW doesn't understand why we don't "correct" the order of these asian last names. Like Yao Ming. Yao is the parent's name. Just say Ming Yao even if they don't do it that way. These are American sports pages. We've got a nation of idiots screaming the guy's last name. It's very impersonal. I might have called my kid by an asian last name. No wonder these dicks aways call me Mr. First Name when I travel. They do it the opposite way.

Chinese Sprinter Uncle Sam

AITOOW doesn't understand why you don't have to be a legal resident of a country to compete for them in the olympics? Why not just choose up sides?

So Long Camp North Star

AITOOW was happy the way things turned out on the season finales of SYTYCD and LCS? SYTYCD is stupefyingly more entertaining than AI. I guess it's the movement with better songs. For a person who thought they despised dancing, I really enjoy this show. Last night was fun because the best dancer did win and they brought back alot of the previous dancers. Even the old farts dusted off their tap shoes. But, the greatest thing about the show is the competitors. They haven't been corrupted by vanity yet. They are humble, likable, youthful and precious. You would think their effusive personalities would grow saccahrine but they don't. They feel real. And they make you realize how perverted the rest of the world has become.

And on LCS, Eliza won. Which is good because she doesn't hold back and is right on the money with her observations. I doesn't hurt that she's a cute little bunny with perfect tits.

All in all it was a night that made you think things aren't as bleak as they seem.

Guerilla Marketing

AITOOW was not surprised that they just found 80,000 gorillas in the wild? Of course the reactionary's were quick to point out that the lesson we should learn from this is that preservation works. I think I'm going go with - the scientists/naturalists: lie knowingly, are unforgivable negligent in their methods/conclusions, or have no fucking idea what they are doing. Tarzan say "standard deviation much?".

H-eye-brow?

AITOOW thinks that Scorcese ad for silencing your cell phones is horrible? The plot he pitches (jailhouse dad/alcoholic ex-wife with new husband) is even more cliche than he cliche he denounces.

Ludicrous

AITOOW can decipher what Ludah was trying to say with his latest essay on politics? The well received political scientist was not saying that Juan McCain needs to be put in a wheel chair. He was saying that the man is so old that he should only be trusted with a chair on wheels and not the oval office chair. He just rushed this opus. If he had given the issue more time or thought he would have given a less harebrained effort. Besides he needed an image that went with paralyzed. Them words are hard to rhyme yo.

Lispy Longstockings

AITOOW doesn't understand why ceratin NYC-bred starlits lisp like a Barcelonian when they speak. Do Gwenyth Paltrow, Maggie Gyllenhall, and Liv Tyler still wear retainers? Why do they ram their tongues into their upper teeth? Is it some sophisticated affectation from a bygone era? Did they get bad orthodontic work? Are they mimicing each other? Thereth thuthspicion out thhere.

I Can't Hear You

AITOOW wonders why black etertainers need you to wave your hands in the air and/or say whoa? You are the show...not us. Shut your shoo fly pie hole. Stop trying to augment your one minute act with two minutes of filler. And amuse us. This is not discourse. We pay you to make an ass out of yourselves for us. We are not in the making an ass of ourselves business. Or more to the point shouldn't be. That is your milieu.

First Rule of Dance Club...Don't Rip on the Choreographers

AITOOW finds it a little disingenuous when the judges on SYTYCD gush over every choreographer on the show? I know it's hard to criticize your colleagues (and probably more respected professionals in the field than you) but, come on, some of the routines suck and the dancers get voted off because of it. BTW was that jump into Joshua's extended forearms sick or what?

First Rule of Breakfast Club is... No Darkies

AITOOW wonders what is going on in that JC Penney/Breakfast Club commercial? There are black kids and then they disappear. They appear and then disappear. What is going on? Did it shoot without the black kids (true to the original) and then they added some scenes later to appease someone? Or did they decide to edit out most of the scenes with black kids because it was at odds with the parody? Either way, where is the requisite turmoil that these things engender?

U F(uck) O(ff)

AITOOW wonders why everyone assumes ET will be friendly if he's out there. What from our own inter-species interaction makes us think that they will be anything but intolerant? You shouldn't cheer news of life in other solar systems, you should shake.

That Speech on Polyester was so Organic

AITOOW understands that "organic" is not a perfect replacement for "natural"? Fine if you use it to describe plants. Not fine if you use it to describe movement, character, aptitude, almost everything else.

Part 2

AITOOW thinks they are seeing a return of the part? The hair part that is.

Can You Hear Me Now?

AITOOW can read between the lines over these statistics that claim black women are ahead of the curve in using technology? It says 36% use cell phone more tha 3 hours a day (7% for non black women). First I have to ask if this is a good thing or does it simple indicate that they waste time and money. I say it's because they are single parents and have to work or unemployed with nothing to do. 8% use Ipods more than 3 hours a day versus 1%. Come on. This is cultural. They have to have music. Once again I'm not sure if this is a complimentary stat. 42% spent $100-$499 on a phone versus 26%. This just screams poor financial acumen and ostentation. Once again - a compliment? 21% order products over phone versus 8% of others. This is a comendable offshoot over familiarity with their phone. But is consumerism a positive quality. Nice try at creating black/female esteem though. Some curves you don't want to be ahead of.

David Letter(wo)man

AITOOW sees this no-talent transmogrifying into a little old lady since he (allegedly) produced Harry? Hee hee. He is anti-gun (evinced by last night's criticism of a toy gun). He is anti-war (evinced by scores of direct proclamations). He is anti-Conservative (evinced by his Great Moments in Presidential Speeches). The guy is your classic rust belt/limo lib. He was always weird. But, now he seems afraid of his shadow. I suggest they switch his hormone therapy from estrogen to testosterone. It's even all the more infuriating because he wrapped himself in the flag after 9/11. I guess the shock of it revealed his true character (cowering shemale). You've been 100% secure since then Davida. How about a little gratitude? Do we need to get Jack Nicholson down there to give you they "behind the wall I supply" speech?

Hey Toni

AITOOW thought Micky would be curious as to why core-ogre-for Toni Basil said Twitch (black) and not Katee (asian) lucked out that his rotinue had "funk" in it on last night's SYTYCD? She also seems to have no gay-dar as she told Joshua that she couldn't see a reason why anyone wouldn't be attracted to his beautiful partner. Hello girlfriend (not me speaking just channeling) you work with dancers. Newsflash - they're gay. And this gay ...err guy is flaming. I doubt you'll be asked back.

I also wonder if it is possible for any of the choreographers not to devise a clever routine? Even though alot of them obviously blow. The suckfest on that show is amusing.

Cap In Ass

AITOOW wants to choke almost every presumptuous liberal demagoge on NPR? Today's irritant - some little op-ed prick reprimanding the cap in trade legislaton for being inefficient. Not because it's an unnecessary tax but because it is not a straight tax. While I agree that a futures market for energy credits is ludicrous, this prick wasn't even conscious that the tax shouldn't be discussed at all. He chose to give a double kiss off to any opposition. Not only is the tax necessary, you are a fool if you try any else than extortion to get it. We are so stoopid. Actually, you are if you support the exchange and doubly stupid if you support the tax not the other way around. He just has it backwards, as usual. And I'll add my usual sign off - why is it always those without money who think they know what should be done with it or how to get it?

Bob Dole Jr

AITOOW can figure out that it's bad for Juan McCain to use a hand held microphone when he speaks? It makes his entire demeanor stiff. It makes him look short. It makes him look old. It makes him look uncomfortable. He would have limited enough flexibility if it were just his tiny limbs and pot belly. But, his war arthritis coupled with a left side immobilized by the mic makes him appear as virile as that pen wielding candidate of 1996. He adds to the gerontology with a staccato chopping of his right hand. All in all a very sad, uninspiring image. I'm not saying a clip on will loosen up his frozen posture but it couldn't hurt.

Your Wrath Is Trash

AITOOW thinks Walt Frazier has a doppel ganger in the corn rowed judge from last weeks So You Think You Can Dance? What malifluous abuse of American lexiconography. So many misutilized wordtologies. It was pure magicality. Don King was impressified.

Great White Choke

AITOOW saw this kick to the crotch coming? Greg Norman really makes one believe that the Faustian bargain can be struck. However, in his case it's financial achievement at the expense of tournament success. How cruel it is for fate to draw him back onto the global radar only to remind us of the choker he was and apparently still is. Is this celestial justice for crimes we know not of or someones idea of sadistic amusement? Those three days of adulation and noteriety awakening the collective consciousness to what a choker you are - of how badly you handle pressure. Sure you will go back to your wine, clothing, real estate empires. But, like a bad re-make of Ground Hog's Day, you will have to disappear from the links for another ten years to make us start to forget your legacy - lost titles. I know the Polyannas will make alot of his "accomplishment" in just being in the conversation at his age and preparedness. However, unlike Rocco Mediate, this story is a sequel and unfortunately for the Shark it reminds us all of something unfortunate - your past.

Sounds Familiar

AITOOW hears plagarism more and more? Take these two songs that I've overheard recently. Mylie Cyrus' song I Can't Wait To See You Again, when it starts start singing I Wear My Sunglasses At Night by Corey Hart at a faster tempo and see if it fits. There is also a portion of the song that goes with "at her girlfriend or her mother's house" song from the 80's (I can't remember it). Next how about A Pocket Full of Sunshine by Natasha Bedingfeld. Start singing "Quick to the point. The point no fakin'. Cookin' MCs like a pound of bacon" from Vanilla Ice's Ice Ice Baby. You songwriters think we forgot. But, you're busted for lifting music.

Yellow Jungle Fever

AITOOW wonders if there is a minority group that Robot's mother hasn't had unprotected sex with? We know of two episodes at least. He and and his Indonesian sister. How many other flavors of the rainbow has she tasted?

Chris Elliot

AITOOW finally realizes who this half-wit has been trying to emulate all these years? It's Bill Murray. Needless to say that he doesn't measure up.

Fred Fans Mortgage Rate Discussion

AITOOW doesn't understand why they are saying mortgage rates would go up if Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac implode? They take the refuse of the mortgage market. The portion with the most risk. Plus those loans are off the balance sheets of the banks who initiated the loans those two hold. If risky mortgages are not being written then the quality of the loans will improve. Less risk should equal less risk premium attached to the prime and mortgage rates should come down. Now I'm not saying you will be able to get a loan but if you I think you should expect to pay closer to prime as usual because you are a better customer. Banks may try and squeeze more out of their customers to make up their declining profit streams, but, that could be penny wise and pound foolish. They need to rebuild the foundation (with quality low yield assets) before they can think of outperforming other financial instruments. Low mortgage rates to quality customers is the only way to do this. They might even get some re-fi income.

Scalpel Please

AITOOW would prefer that they cut out DJ Jessie Jackson's tongue instead of Robot Obama's balls? Will his Rainbow Coalition (or whatever it goes by) picket his offices and demand his resignation and sensitivity training? Will he escape this with a teary mea culpa accepted ad hoc by the liberal media? What does his bastard child think? You remember the one from the affair he was forced to own up to a few years back. He wonders, jealously, why people support Robot and not him. It's because his brand of mau mauing the flak catchers is so slippery obvious. Robot knows the new moves (based on subtlety and earnestness not guilt and sophistry). Jessie is still doing the funky chicken. Aside from the fact that his actions over the last thirty years have left him with the reputation as a self-serving opportunist gaming the race issue for his own gain.

Mortgage Default

AITOOW doesn't see what all the fuss is about over this issue. These people put no money down, paid no principal and would have been shelling out more money in rent anyway. They possibly lost equity appreciation they had no right to anyway. I don't see where they did worse than if they just rented.

Apple of His Adam

AITOOW wonders why Leila Ali has a deeper voice than her father?

And You Should See Them Play the Horn

AITOOW thinks that the women's swim team looks like chubby little seals in those black scuba suits? It's amazing that they spend enough time in the water that they get blubber for buoyancy and insallation. Yould would think they would burn off calories in the cold water.

When You Care Enough To Give The Very Least

AITOOW hates anyone who wears turquoise? The rock not the color. It's almost as ugly and drab as the people who wear it.

White Lies

AITOOW sees that it is open season on white men on Madison Avenue and Hollywood Blvd? If you are white and male and on TV, you are a bumbling moron. You are not hip. You are not competent. You are the bottom rung of evolution. You are so dumb that you won't even mind being made fun of. While the lack of uproar may add validity to that sentiment, it may also be that they're too busy running the world to notice. Lucky for them that I'm tireless. Oops I just put flour in the washing machine no wait I just cured polio.

Jack Has Two Dates. Oh no...

AITOOW is driven to anxiety and rage over sitcom foibles? All that unnecessary confusion and mis-interpretation and communication just riles me up. I can't watch it. Can't things just unfold predictably and without incident? The chaos isn't even funny? When did society decide this sort of material was funny? Because it's not anymore. Don't we have enough stress in our lives without inventing it?

Wood-stuck

AITOOW wants to slap every baby boomer whenever I see one of the million hippie-centric ads hawking Levitra, mutual funds, or Cadillacs. Just wander off and die already before you cause our society to implode. You were always self-serving and annoying. You gave us AIDS, the broken home and self-pitying ego-centricity. Now you are venerally infested, drug adled, botox injected Parkinson's indoctrinies who don't know when to shut it down. Nobody wants you. Nobody thinks you are cool. Nobody thinks you look great. 60 is not the new 40 (which is past female expiration anyway). Man, I wish this was ancient Sparta. Take your acid rock songs and "fade away" with Jerry and the rest of you dirty losers.

Momma Mia

AITOOW doesn't understand if "stay at home mother" is a term of embarrassment or honor. Are these bitches saying " I'm so ashamed I don't have a job" or "I care enough about my children to sacrifice my career goals"? You hear it all the time. I just wonder why they add the stay at home part. It's not really pertinent to the rest of us so why don't you drop it?

No Free Lunch

AITOOW thinks it's ridiculous that networks pixelate or place black tape over logos when those logos aren't sponsors? Do you not think we recognize the product anyway? Do you not realize that it lowers the production quality of YOUR show? Ever hear the phrase "penny wise and pound foolish"? Could you be cheaper? Just let it slide. Why is it that corporate penny pinchers can only deal in inconsequential solutions. And here's a tip - when your sales team complains that things like that make their job harder, don't buy it. It's a diversionary tactic. If a company is relying on free pub from on camera placement, they don't have enough marketing dollars to buy your old media spots anyway. And if you customer complains about it, tell them to get a life. If they are buying space from you they are obviously too lazy to advertise cost effectively anyway. The just want to blow their ad budgets as quickly and effortlessly as possible. Let's clean up the airwaves.

Small Minded

AITOOW heard that sniveling wimp on NPR deriding Mike Myers because he supposedly demeans "little people" in his new movie. Not because he has always felt empathy for them, but, because he sired one. Where was your outrage before? Maybe you should deride yourself for having defective DNA or choosing a mate with defective DNA. If you had just aborted this abomination of nature you could have: spared us the mislaid guilt, spared your child a lifetime of ridicule and enjoyed the movie. The worst part is that you feel entitled to some kind of moral superiority because of your incompetence. You should feel guilty. You should be the one apologizing. In addition, you were just as "insensitive" as Myers before this tragedy effected you. Talk about self-involved. Do you only feel empathy when circumstances directly effect you? Do you understand cause and effect? If you had not sired this mutant (cause). You would not have experienced its effect (jokes). Point the finger at the real source of your pain - yourself.

Hello!

AITOOW could do without those forced greetings at every fast food franchise? I'm not Norm. I don't need you to shout a greeting at me to make me feel like one of the gang. Just make the sandwich. I want to know who the sociologist who suggested this practice to the fast food industry is and how he sold everyone on the conclusion that this helps sales. Oh wait it's free. Much more palatable than cutting prices or improving product quality. Goodbye!

Shil-lying

AITOOW saw this coming? Stubborn, self possessed, greedy butterball versus stubborn, self possessed, greedy 8th grader. While I hate the Red Sox (and any team that thinks it is a nation), I can feel for their owners. Their 12 year old GM (who traded away Hanley Ramirez) gave an injured 41 year old pitcher 8-9 million dallahs. The pitcher then tells him that he needs surgery. The surgery will make it so he can't pitch for the season he just signed for (side note - I wonder who pays for the surgery). The GM tries to save face by forcing him to rehab. Now here's the part we all saw coming. The pitcher gives it a "try" and after what is probably a legally sufficient period of time says the boo boo gives him an owwie and schedules the surgery any way. Take that poindexter. It's unbelievable what these players can get away with. The rehab was demonstrably strengthening the shoulder. Yet, a fat douche bag can mail it in and still collect his salary. You know he thinks he's entitled even though his ERA has been north of 4 for the last couple of half seasons he has made onto the field for. You defrauded your team. Please let karma swarm all over this prick.

The Fatter Half

AITOOW is tired of women saying pregnancy ruined their bodies. Most of you were fat pigs before you got pregnant. And Father Time isn't kind to the weaker sex, so you would be terrible after your child bearing years anyway (see Old Maids). You really should be put down at menopause. Pregnacy doesn't ruin your bodies, your lack of discipline does. You can't control anything (your emotions, your finances, etc). You have no will power. You live in this world of your own creation, where the lies you tell yourself are law. I guess Erasmus was right. Folly is the most important God.

And They Are Terrible Actors Too

AITOOW can't decide if Marky Mark or Ed Burns has the more annoying high pitched, strained, nasally, whiney, effeminate voice. With one you get a bit of that annoying Boston lobster fucker undertone and with the other you get an annoying Queens firefighter. Is that their normal voice or is it just the result of their throat tightening up on them when they get nervous? Marky Mark also takes that big gulp of air that a nervous person does before they start to talk. Now that I think about it, they're both Irish Catholics and Conan O'Brien also has a high pitched delivery. Does the Irish curse also give them a small set of balls? Are Justin Timberlake and Tom Cruise Irish? They have also been singled out as having girly voices.

Worst Catch Phrase

AITOOW thinks that Mark Jackson has the lamest catch phrase in the biz? "Momma there goes that man" was bad enough once, but, he interjects it whenever possible. He forces it in there like he used to force his fat ass into the stomachs of opposing defenders. Also like him, this catch phrase is slow (minded), old and unoriginal. I think it's listed in the poseurs guide to Barber Shop talk. Is there no end to the clueless ex-athlete buffet of sports announcers? Don't they get that players are too stupid to analyze their sport? The just play pick up. They don't understand the how and why. And they definetly can't see past "the formula for success" (like they could pathom more than one method). They only parrot tired cliches and mis-perceptions. A guy like Van Hair Plug runs intellectual circles around this guy and he is often ridiculed by this field mouse looking moron. You're too stupid to know how stupid you are. Thank God no one gave you a coaching gig. You're no Doc Rivers (Magic Johnson maybe).

Menage A Trois

AITOOW gets that we don't need a third political party? When you have two parties you automaticaly have three. The third is called the "compromise" party and it aways gets its way. To get the votes for passage, every bill is watered down until it appeals to enough legislators to get it passed. This is not the bill that either party would have supported initially. Therefore, a new ideology emerges and a de facto political party is assembled. And we didn't even have to arrange a convention.

You Are Not The Father

AITOOW was laughing when Robot dressed down the absentee black baby daddy this Father's Day. You know how the congregation (usually loud black women) can't wait to insert themselves into the sermon (to compensate for the lack of attention they got as children)? Well what happens when the sermon doesn't scapegoat an outside group? I'll tell you what. They don't like it. We got a few "amens" and "uh huhs" after the first criticism. Nothing like the spasms of grunting you get when whitey's involved. Less after the second. And so on. Who knew it was possible to shut these people up. Their brains must have been swirling. Boo the Black Jesus or hang your "brothers" out to dry. I'm surprised they didn't boo the Robot (if only to chastize him for making church a solemn occassion. What do they care about no Father's Day. Them boos is only had by fat white women anyway.

A B Si

AITOOW finds the following results from the Pew Hispanic Center (which means the numbers are doctored to present the best picture) infuriating. Only 4% of first generation beaners primarily speak English. But wait... it "skyrockets" to 78% by the THIRD generation. That's over 3/4 in merely 3 generations. Maybe in 5 they will learn how to multiply. That stereotype of the slow beaner is way off base. Spanish is even a romance language. A language founded on Latin roots that form half of our language. It has the same alphabet. It's not like it's a character based starting point. Every song and movie is in English. How can you you not pick it up by osmosis?

P. BS.

AITOOW wonders if it is ever not "the time of year we ask for your support"? It's pathetic that a publically funded station even has to ask for it. Another government sponsored program that won't balance its books. I can't figure out what their costs would even be since it's perpetually in telethon mode. Why don't they go to a pay (commercials) model? The're interrupting programming ten fold by begging. Oh that's right they produce what they want see and the rest of the world does not (except me I'm an actual dweeb who watches this crap). They already do it on shows like Market Report and they do take "sponsorships" aka commercial plugs. OMG could it be that these pledge drives are filler? They don't need the money just the material?

1-800-FUH-QQQQ

AITOOW wishes the contestants on reality audition shows would stop mugging it up for the cameras when they list the 800 numbers. I can't believe it works and it is embarrassing for them. Just chill out and give the number. And while we on the topic - why can't that midget judge on So You Think You Can Dance find a jacket that fits him. The sleeves were to his fingernails. Was it his daddy's jacket? I mean his father.

What Makes Sternsy Run?

AITOOW thinks he is more or less a corporate gangster. You can see it in his eyes when he has to defend his corrupt sport. He tries to personify the easy going, amiable business leader. But, you can tell it's all an act. I'm around enough ambitious Jewish men to know the type. Arrogant as a rabbi and ravenous for success and power. They try and mask it with this nebbishy, academician exterior but a seething beast is inside. Just try and cross them. There's not a more petty and vindictive man than the quiet one. "The Jew" (like the Zohan) always lets on when the league is criticized. You see he is "the league". This type of man is his work. It's his identity. It's his raison d'etre. He could never play so he must coordinate. So when referees with nothing to lose expose game fixing, the Hulk gets angry. But, this Hulk (being a Jew and an upstanding member of society) must not show anger. So he passive aggressively tries to destroy the critics credibility be refering to him as a felon. He also begins the march of obfuscation by claiming things that aren't true but sound good (like we investigated it thoroughly). Well if it's ; MJ's gambling, calling no fouls on stars, calling the game differently at home, calling the game differently at the end, making sure television gets the right match ups, Ewing's whores, Barkley's gambling, everyone's pot smoking, rigging the lottery, et al, anything that stains the league can not be acknowledged. Because Lucky Stern has a business to run and it since he doesn't run it properly it must make you believe it is being run properly. And if you don't respect that he'll have your knees broken (or get someone else to do it because Jews don't sweat and you could probably beat his Svengali ass up anyway).

A.P.P.L.A.U.S.E.

AITOOW heard patronizing applause and groans for the female contestants (and only female) at the Spelling Bee after they failed? Don't you get it that even if you are biased towards them in your heart, you demean them by your one sided support. It becomes obvious that you are applauding their gender and not their competence. In addition, it indicates that you think that they are less capable and therefore their "placing" in the top ten is a huge achievement for a girl. If you really think girls are smarter you should have booed.

Whopper Junior

AITOOW doesn't feel sorry that no one noticed Junior hitting his 600th home run? It's said that he deserves more credit because he did it au natural? Did he? Seems like he would have been motivated to use (roids) in recovering from his many injuries. They also say that he was tainted by the painted brush of the steriod era and that's why no fanfare. Let's see. He did seem to be compensated financially as a byproduct of the surge in popularity that the steriod era ushered in. That's a benefit. Maybe he was goaded into applying himself more by what his contemporaries were doing. That's a benefit. He hit in front of guys that were juiced - so he got better pitches to hammer. That's a benefit. And let's not forget that he traded in the Kingdome and Safeco for that little band box in Cincy. And the fact that he has limped to 600 while his contemporaries rocketed to 600. Those injuries and his lengthy pursuit of the mark destroyed any narrative. Here's an example of how mediocre he is perceived to be. I don't think he has been listed as a starting OF in a fantasy mag since 2002. In addition, 600 has also become common place. He's the 4th this decade. And finally let's not forget the ennui he engenders. We don't know this man. He is not intruiging. Therefore, we ignore him as he has ignored us. So let's not pity Junior on the eve of his accomplishment. He is receiving the treatment he has earned.

Queen of the Pumpkin Festival

AITOOW forsees that now that The Cackler has accepted the fact that we hate her that she will fill the pumpkinheaded sized vacuum that will be left when Ted Kennedy's pumpkin seeds rot from cancer? She holds a Senate seat in a cancre of liberalism. She needs to be highly visible. She suffers from an inferiority complex under the shadow of a more popular family member. She can't be president. She has a giant melon. She just needs to take her pants off under a table and drive a car off a bridge to complete the symmetry. I swear life is just the same script with different actors.

Home Mortgage Derivatives

AITOOW finds it ironic that home mortgage derivatives were touted as a way to spread risk (and thus a good thing). And all it did was pass the risk from those who could mostly originate loans in risky areas to those who could only hold loans from risky areas (entities that needed the risk premium to attract money). Are there ever solutions or only passing of problems?

Second (Must Be) Bananas

AITOOW thinks that the only reason W didn't get iced is that no one wanted Dick Cheney behind the wheel? Therein lies an important lesson for Juan McCain and especially Robot Obama - make sure your co-pilot is more odious than yourself. A special note for Robot - as mentioned previously, do not assume Shillary is that pick. While certainly odious, she will have you taken out personally (ala LBJ).

The New Hanoi Hiltons

AITOOW has the following reaction to this statement - "hotel fees for incidental services represent a miniscule amount of total revenue"? Well then prevaricating mouthpiece Joe McInerney, president (1 employee strong) of the American Hotel & Lodging Association (who probably worked in the field but was so bad at it that they placed him in this trade association to keep him from harming himself and others) - if it is so "miniscule" (like your wiener) why don't you just do away with them?

MMA CBA BS

AITOOW thought that someone got in the referee's ear and told him to call the match as soon as Kimboo Slice (the athlete they are depending on being the face of MMA) did anything right. The suits at the Andy Griffith network must have been sucking at their dentures when Kimbo was a minute into round three and was nearly choked out twice. This is my first time seeing this Mr T retread and I can say that the guy has no MM skills. He can just box. And he's got that crazy hanging moss/black moslem chin sweater...which is nice.

Casting Ouch

AITOOW is perplexed at exactly what Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl is? He's obviously part white but what else gives him the simian/cro-magnum look? Is he part black? Part Korean? And why would a billionaires son have a gap tooth? I think they could afford an orthodontist.

I'm a Douche Bag

AITOOW recoils every time the fag with the spiky brown hair has a segment on TMZ. He always thinks his 5 seconds are so amusing. But, they are always lame. At least Spicoli gets some good dirt about good people. This guy is just superfluous.

Traitor?

AITOOW is unsure if Scott McClellan is a traitor. If what he knew about his government's "prevarications" concerned him so deeply, wasn't it his moral duty to expose them and protect his country. An omission caries as much legal import as an act. Making a buck off his ambivalence in the aftermath is just the obvious mal apropos.

Bangers and Trash

AITOOW doesn't understand why we are subjected to British tarts when we have more than enough home grown tarts to choose from. I'm speaking (of course) of talent show hostesses. So You Think You Can Dance or Last Comic Standing for instance. Just because the producer's want to bang these annoying birds doesn't mean I want wont a ere em on the tele. They aren't even hot by new world standards. They have bad hair, bad fashion, bad skin yet suprisingly not bad teeth. This is America. I want an American. It's bad enough I have to hear Antonio Banderas say "conyesyon" as a bumble bee on that commercial for whatever medicine that is probably making his penis limp. And it's Los Angeless not Angeleez (you sleeze). When you are in our country say iy like we say it. And while you're at it, stop Anglicizing any foreign words (like you're too superior to be bothered with the indiginous way of prouncing them). Here's a tip. Your day in the sun has set. You are now the uncouth, penniless relations. Although, for the life of me (meeting all you toothless, skin headed, sandal wearing clods and reading of excerable characters in English literature) I can't ever find a time when you had any of the sophistication you think you had. Your art sucks. Your food sucks. Your music sucks. You have no style. Why is it that you feel you are our betters?

Mara-yannick Noah

AITOOW was shocked that a rasta looking beatnik from France had no problem with his son carrying the chronic? I just assumed everyone knew his bitter smelling unwashed hair was the result of his passion.

Whatchoo Talkin About Willis

AITOOW thinks Jen from Hell's Kitchen is Gary Coleman in a wig? She even has a similar catch phrase.

La Raza

AITOOW would like them to make tacos like this (meat cheese salsa lettuce - repeat!). When you do like it's traditionallly done you get half a meat taco and half a veggie taco. I want all flavors accounted for in each bite.

Here's Your Updated Itinerary

AITOOW can't stand corporations taking any excuse to try and sell you. Commercials, reminder emails, mailers, phone calls, etc. We know you're there. Relax. We'll find you when we need you. Then you can nickel and dime us to death. Or (this is crazy) make something we want and we'll find you. How about you funnel those marketing dollars into R&D or Customer Service so you can retain a customer once you get one.

More(house) of the Same

AITOOW laughed and laughed when they heard that Morehouse College has 1 white undergrad and he was the valedictorian? Keep breaking down stereotypes.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is Disgusted

AITOOW saw a whale named Alanis Morissette this morning? What is wrong with you bitches? If I ate cake all day in a recliner I couldn't achieve that. Bet her husband's happy. And cheating is wrong?

Speed Racer

AITOOW didn't think Speed Racer was that bad? Visually it marvelous - so glad that Richard Donner didn't get to do this. The plot was plausible. And though I went in thinking every role was miscast, I didn't walk out hating them. BTW I had only seen parts of one show way back. So I knew just enough to make a comparison.

Take Time To Stop and Buy a Clue

AITOOW was shaking their head listening to a a 40 year old fat, black, wigged, stupid, divorcee with diabetes and a retarded kid bemoan the fact that she can't get a Prince Charming. You are not from an established family. You are a clown for a living. Lord knows why you had to be born again. Where do you think you land on the draft chart? If you were applying to college you would qualify for a Community College not the Ivy league. Your only marketable quality is that you may accumulate money (in the future). Get a clue. It would also be nice if you realized how chauvanistic your attitude towards men is. Every "vice" (can't support himself, etc) you derided them for is pretty much the status quo for females and probably part of package you want from this "accepatab;e" man. It just goes to show what I always say - women just want to go from daady's house to the same set up in someone elses house. It shouldn't be the Peter Pan complex. it should be the Petra Pan complex. I would also like to add that although you are in the bottom 20% of eligible mates now, you are quickly approaching the bottom 5%. Do you know how quickly women decay after 40? And what exactly is your purpose after menopause? Get a vibrator and be done with it. Unless....is Al Reynold's still available?

Hoisted

AITOOW finds it ironic that John McCain (the champion of campaign finance reform) will be outspent nearly 5 to 1 because of the laws he enacted?

Scholar-jips

AITOOW doesn't understand why we give people that are going to top out at middle management positions scholarships? They don't need a college education to do what most of them will be doing.

Secondaries

AITOOW finds it funny that some states moved up their primaries to be more relevant in the year when the later state primaries were just as relevant?

Scufflers

AITOOW wants to strangle these sportscasting hillbillies that say "scuffling" (as in he's really been scuffling at the plate lately) when they mean "struggling". Scuffling is hand to hand combat not difficulty succeeding. Now you know - Jim Bob.

Black Contagion

AITOOW doesn't understand the potency of a single black person in a social environment? You put one on a sports team and every white kid is grandstanding and acting violent. You put one in a bar and people are getting out of his way. You put one in a club and every white person is trying to dance his way. You never see the opposite. Imagine it. One white kid in a black school getting everyone to act polite. One white kid in a bar getting them to make a path. One white guy in a club starting a conga line. Who does this say more about?

America's Next Top Political Statement

AITOOW thinks they rigged this so they could make a political statement about weight? They've been probing this issue for a few seasons now. I realize that most of the finalists were bad, but, a fat girl is NEVER pretty (let alone model pretty). Notice how women become more sensitive to weight issues once they became fat themselves (see Tyra Banks). The African girl should have won.

Tommy Boy

AITOOW can't find a bigger douche bag than the man who wears a Tommy Bahama shirt?

Adult-escents

AITOOW who thinks we can break down personalities into three groups? Group 1 (Statists) - they want the state to become their parents. Group 2 (Dieists) - they want a god to become their parents. Group 3 (Adults) - they don't need parents.

Aye Mom, Nay Dad

AITOOW who finds it perplexing that Westerners can not wrap their heads around the influence of an Imam over "moderate" Moslems? What exactly is a Priest or a Rabbi? Aren't they supposed to be interpreters of their holy books? Aren't they supposed have the final say on theoligic questions. Don't they have influence over "moderate" Christians and Jews? Here's a bulletin - you are all the same (deluded). One just has more balls than the others.

Know What I'm Saying?

AITOOW eschews phrases that have zero communicative value? Like "It is what it is" or "He's going to do his thing" or "That's just X being X". What are you trying to say?

Baby Ma Ma

AITOOW thinks there is nothing as disagreeable as a black woman (or female as they call them - they are obviously livestock of some sort). They are often fat, ugly, pubic headed, ashy, loud, uneducated, uncultured, rude, vulgar, diseased, opininated, violent, and hypersensitive. Let me give you two anecdotes that illustrates their extraneousness. At least black men (allegedly) have a big dong. I can't see any exentuating feature that would make a black woman desirable (I mean they do whoop it up in bed. But, that's actually more annoying than titilating). #1 - At the Post Office. I'm trying to find out how rates are charged. She says "I just punch in the numbers and the computer gives a price". I calmly ask "Why is it double what I paid last week. Is it something you did? Or is the pricing system designed to increase prices precipitously based on incremental differences (I didn't use those words)?" She says (now with attitude and a look that says she is 100% certain) "Neither". I say "Well it has to be one or the other?" She says (with not a hint of doubt) "It's neither". The problems are that she acted like I couldn't tear her head off I wanted to and that she was smarter than me. I guess if you are dumb enough to work in a post office, you are dumb enough not to know you are dumb. #2. Black girl (or is it biatch) on the radio says "This country is racist because I get passed over for promotions because I'm black". Is it that (suprisingly the answer that require the least refection) or could it be that; no one respects your college admission because it was sponsored by affirmitive action, you got special treatment to get the degree, everyone else has the same degree (with a better GPA or harder majors) and let's say - a GOOD personality or more years on the job or better connections, will work for less, will work longer, will bang the boss. You are not exactly an objective jury when you evaluate yourself. Yet, she could not have been more sure. See what happens when you baby a baby all the way through to adulthood. The real world smacks them in the head. There's no more principal to run to. Someone really needs to explain how worthless a degree is by itself and how impotent academics are in the real world. It's actually sad that people in that situation don't really know that the finish line is not a degree or that there mentors are ridiculed. From where they start from it must seem like alot of effort just to get to the starting line only to find out it is just the starting line (maybe that's why they mislead them. They wouldn't try if the knew the effort required). The point is she was to stupid to know she was wrong and to arrogant/lazy to objectively assess the situation.

JFK Redux

AITOOW gets deja vu thinking about Robot choosing The Cackler as a Veep. It seems all too reminiscent of a young JFK "choosing" a coniving LBJ at a contentious convention. And you know the rest of the story.

Jerry Wright

AITOOW understands that Jerry's latest appearances are not acts of vindictiveness against Barry. They are merely an attempt to acquire the "pulpit" of black society and guard the industry of black dependency. Like Jessie, Fat Albert, et al, Jerry can't keep himself in zoot suits without a disenfranchised black populace that can play on white guilt for reparations, blackmail and charity. Just like the southern sharpee that frequented pool halls and picket fences outside of social gathering places, he needs an audience of ignorant, unsatisfied hayseeds to spin yarns around. Without them he is an unemployed dilitante. With them he is a pedagoge. He has celebrity. He has respect. He has purpose. Unfortunately for him, he is so imersed in afro-centricity that he can't see that he doesn't need to stop integration. Barry is not a threat to his paradigm. This is a class issue not a race issue. Dependency is an issue that speaks to a large audience.

Jonah Hill

AITOOW thinks this hedgehog is not remotely funny. Out of all the untalented Apatow entourage, he is by far the worst. His mumbling, stoner schtick is neither witty nor
original. Here's a tip. Seth Rogen is the invisible line you don't want to cross. As far as obscure, character actors that may break through for a movie or two, you can't be stupider, uglier, stranger, or crasser than him. Anything beyound Rogen and you have entered the unappealing zone and you should not be exhibited for public consumption. People barely get the Jew-topian rantings of Rogen. Anything beyond him is only understood by teenagers with Jew-fro's who have spent time masturbating to Israeli travel brochures at a Jewish summer camp.

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner - A Racist

AITOOW can extrapolate sentiment from the latest poll numbers out of Pennsylvania. Black men 89% for Robot. Black women 87% for Robot. White Women 68% for Rod Harm. White Men 56% for Rod Harm. It would appear to me that Black men are the most racist. Followed by black women. And then it's white women (let's add sexist here too). The three groups that most vociferously abuse all other groups into accepting equality and cultural blindness are the worst violaters of that policy (no shock here). The working class white male that Robot can't break through to (because they are so provincial) seems to be low hanging fruit compared to their wives. Shouldn't that have been the story line in PA? Let's hope this signals a shift in the program of indoctrination. Let's focus on the most itinerenet racists in our country in the same way (an indoctrination program of shame and ostracization) that apparently has worked so well on the white male. That is if equality is the goal. It is? Right? Anyone?

NOW That's A (S)hit

AITOOW doesn't understand how we always have a super annoying song every year? Just when we get rid of Who Let The Dogs Out we get hit with Crank That and then Low. The worst are the ones that come packaged with a ghetto dance that all little white girls think makes them "hard". It makes me soft. You can't escape. It really makes me think that I'm in Hell and just haven't had my orientation meeting yet.

Leonna Lewis

AITOOW was bewildered at the size of Leonna Lewis' knees on AI? Her leg, cankles and ass are huge like most Halfro women (see Alicia Keys) but I've never seen puffy knees of that size. Here's hoping that it doesn't spawn another ethnic fad like collogen lips. Is she the spawn of Lennox Lewis? It would explain the heft.

TV Detectives

AITOOW wishes these clowns would have a little humility. You would think that after say their thousandth incorrect assumption about who the actual perpetrator was that a slight measure of doubt may creep into their smug know it all demeanor. Whether it's Law and Order or CSI (et al), they always accuse the wrong person to begin with. I'm not saying they are dumb (although I can't recall a top level university alum among them and all the people who couldn't get into college in my home town became cops) but could you remain a little apprehensive about tearing up someones life. Are you prenaturally wired to try and tie up the case as soon as possible? Do you get a bonus if you churn 'em and burn 'em. Are any of your "gut" impulses founded in applicable experience? While this is done to fill an hour of dramady, I have a sneaking suspicion it is even worst in real life.

Why Hockey Sucks

AITOOW can't get into this sport because of penalties. For instance, the Flyers beat the Caps last night in the series deciding game because they were up a man. The only time anyone scores in this yawn inducing league is when they are up a man. While it is a hairs breadth superior to "suck-er", it's still lame. How can you get excited about something that has as much to do with superior athletic ability and team work as Keno? Why don't they roll dice like they do in Dungeons and Dragons?

Hockey Pucks

AITOOW can not get a decent burger at a sit down restaurant. I swear McDonalds et al are better. Applebee's, Ruby Tuesday, Chilis, any diner. It's all the same. Here's a cooking tip - pressing the spatula down on the meat does not make it cook faster! It squeezes all the juice out and burns the outside into a carcinogenic layer. How can you work in a kitchen and not even learn something that a inexperienced water boiler like me learned while watching the Food Network. And don't even think about medium. They obviously have too much to do back there to keep an eye on it's cooking time. I mean you can only spit on one burger every 3 seconds. And Lord knows how long it will take them to bust a nut on it with the whole kitchen watching. Fuck the freshness guarantee. I would just like a bodily emission free guarantee.

Lashing Out

AITOOW doesn't understand the false eye lash fad. Even if they are the good kind that don't look like stickers, they look like shit. You look like a hispanic prostitute. Get a faux gold chain with your name on it and some chandelier earings while you are at it. Here's a tip. If it's from an culture south of France it is low class. If you see it in a poor neighborhood, it's tasteless.

Email

AITOOW starts typing in the content box and then looks up and sees that for some reason the cursor has moved somewhere else. Why does it do this? I really love retyping whole sentences. It's almost as good as when you have two windows open and the other window replaces the one you are on.

Time Machine

AITOOW thinks the split of the homo sapiens has begun as imagined by HG Wells. I swear that there is 95% of the planet that is trogladytic and 5% that is super hot. There is no middle ground. It's either vomit inducing or uncontrolled boner inducing.

Gold Dust

AITOOW finds that Whoopi Goldberg never can find the main issue of a topic. In law school they call it the holding. She would be dismissed in year 1. She always pontificates as if she is the sole source of reason on the panel. But, she is always arguing a point that is not at the heart of the discussion. Sherri Shepard is just dumb but at least she doesn't act like she knows it all. And Alf (aka Joy Behar) is just a zealot. But, Whoopi thinks experience is a substitute for intelligence. Here's a tip. Reason out issues abstractly. Not just from how the affect you.

Hip Hip Tupee

AITOOW looks at every hair transplant "model" and thinks they look ridiculous. Hairlines do not grow straight up at a 180 degree angle from the sideburns and then hang a ninty degree turn on the top of your fivehead. And why do they always comb it up? Comb it down so it more of that fivehead is covered. How is it that guys like McConnaghy and Bon Jovi get such good results and those Bosley freaks look like shit. Are they wigs?

Hey Look At Me. I'm On TV.

AITOOW wishes they had a sniper at sporting events to take out the losers who mug for their friends on the other end of their cel phones. These fifteen minuters were annoying distractions before the cel phone became ubiquitous. Now they are infuriating. Hey, look at me. My mother didn't give me enough attention as a child.

Political Tangents

AITOOW gets nauseous when a politician, official, or politico deviates or leads into a question asked with a scripted paragraph reiterating a talking point or opinion that has nothing to do with the question. For example: What do you think about X? Answer: Well given this administration handling of X, Y, Z (totally unrelated.... OR well X (not the subject of the initial question) believes in X, Y, and Z (totally unrelated)... I mean do they think it's even effective? I know that there is sentiment for a thing called traction through repetion, but, I believe it's another rule of thumb with no scientific substantiation. I thought this field was called Political Science. I think there is relatively little science behind it. It's just another aspect of 18th century methodolgy in our "modern" world - conclusions drawn from relatively little personal experience. It's caused by our brief time on this planet. We have a relatively small sample of data to draw our conclusions and often over value their effects. For example - I was hurt be X type of person once or twice so all those types of people (millions) will treat me similiarly. I suppose it's understandable considering the type of person that permeates this field. Engineers and mathemeticians usually concern themselves with more important issues and that pretty much exhausts our supply of big thinkers. It's our loss that they don't have time for the petty issues that end up affecting us the greatest amount of the time.

Fox Sports Baseball

AITOOW is having trouble understanding how any of the three studio hosts have a job? I really think they would be picked last if this were elementary school and the whole world was eligible. Jeannie Zalasko has something worse than that last name. It's her hatchet job (no not her snatch but I bet it's huge if the corolation between it and a girl's nose is true). That is the worst nose job I've ever seen. It's nauseating. It's like a stretched out piece of Silly Putty. Mr. Potato Head laughs at it. Erik Karros has more of a mush mouth than Dan Dierdorf. He looks like he has AIDS (which would explain some of the rumors that were tossed around about him and Mike Piazza and his mannerisms). Wait maybe it's the aftermath of a stroke. He's balding. Kevin Kennedy is a zit beard with a porn stash. He makes you want to play darts. But worst of all, they mis-speak all the time and rarely say something illuminating. Zalasko just confirms everyones suspicions that girls can not do sports. It's just an added insult that she's not even something to look at. All this just makes me wonder what the criteria for being employed in this field is. It really feels like a lottery.

Could

AITOOW wants "could" removed from news reports. Jobless numbers could go up. Deaths could go up. Guess what. They could also go down. They could stay the same. This is not news. This is not analysis. This is not opinion. This is filler.

Statistics

AITOOW understands that most statistics are estimates. Whether it's the fish population in the Amazon or CO2 levels, they are calculated using methods that have huge rates or error. Another factor that makes these estimates highly questionable is when and how they were calculated. Take global warming for instance. Do you really think that the temperatures on record from one hundred years ago were accurately taken by some douche bag with a mercury thermometer? That's if they weren't just making up numbers like you do with business expenses. And we haven't even gone into massaging the numbers.

Double Talk

AITOOW wants to choke politicians that take both sides of an issue. Take Iraq and troop levels. First they said we must maintain a small imprint or it would be an occupation - the reason we lost the hearts and minds in Vietnam. Then they said we didn't have enough troops. Now they say we are too stretched (which is why Rumsfeld didn't want to commit all our forces to begin with. Does anyone remember we were inching towards war with North Korea). On oil: we can't "loan" them money for reconstruction we have to give it to them or it will seem like this was an imperialistic war. Now it's the Iraqi's should pay us back. On civil rights: all people are equal. Now it's Iraqi's are too primitive for democracy. On the surge - it's working. Now after minor attacks, it's chaos. Sounds like everyday life in Israel if you ask me. On diplomacy: We should talk with our enemies. Now it's boycott the Bejing Olympics. I could go on but what's the point. They'll still be jumping from one position to another and our ADD society will ignobly ignore it.

Ma'am

AITOOW has an answer for the troll in that McDonald's commercial? You became a ma'am at least ten years ago. Sorry about the news flash.

MLK

AITOOW thinks that there has been progress made since he died? How else do you explain that 87% of people think that racism is reprehensible? It was third on a list of "sins" (March USA Today poll). Drug use was only around 60%. The brainwashing of America's youth is firmly established in this area. MLK, Rosa Parks and Orca were recently rated among the 10 greatest Americans of all time. Most high schools students are taught about the Civil Rights movement in lieu of the Revolution. I'd say that the area has received some attention. Critics say that there hasn't been progress in the areas where it means the most. Any lack of progress in social or economic terms is strictly the result of their own limitations. America is a great case study for the abilities of all races or nationalities. We have the whole world in this experiment and all have equal opportunities for advancement under the law. There is no more equitable system for judging these groups against each other. And while it may not be a perfect contest, it certainly lends support to what the results would be in a perfect one. If you can't succeed here you find out alot about yourself. What's the rebuttal? The ascension of the African nations on the world stage perhaps? I forgot about those damn colonials. Because they only colonized Africa, right? Slavery really stopped the Jews in their tracks (that was black on white slavery BTW).

Election Prediction

AITOOW predicts that the longer the Democrat primary lasts that those who vote in it will not vote again in the general election. Some say it's great that these states that are usually irrelevant at this point in the campaign are still relevant. I say you can only ask the electorate to participate once every four years. I predict that if Shillary wins the "new" voters and blacks won't burden themselves with another trip to the polling station in November. And if Robot wins the white male Dems and single mothers will do the same. Democrats are notoriously lazy about making that arduous trip to the ballot box. I can't see how this continuous struggle won't wear out their ardour if it continues. They were inspired by 8 years out of office and their hatred of GB. Now that hate has been redirected or dissipated by this drawn out campaign.

NPR Scandal

AITOOW was shocked when NPR Radio reported that paint suppliers in some African country would only sell to people who had money to buy it. Those capitalist pigs. It was so funny how this reporter just casually feigned indignation as she reported - like it was her hundreth time reporting on such a scandal. She might have not realized what she was saying, but, that just made it all the more incredulous. This could have been her "programming" reporting. The worst part of getting older is that you realize how incompetent people/positions you used to revere are. This is a "professional" journalist! All be it on a "community theater" radio show.

Foreclosures

AITOOW is grinning from ear to ear when they heard that banks are ignoring defaulters because they don't have the staff to handle the numbers. It's priceless that their cost cutting has finally effected them instead of the us for once. And you thought we needed government intervention.

Post Office

AITOOW who doesn't understand the concept of insurance at the post office. I'm supposed to pay into a fund that re-imburses me if you can't do a job you told me you could and charged me for?

AI Love Child

AITOOW thinks that that Archuleta kid looks alot like Ben Stiller's "love child" in Meet the Fokkers? He needs to be Eddie on any Munster's remake.

Philanthropicrites

AITOOW finds it a little bit disingenuous when a person only begins to support a cause once it has affected them. We are suppossed to ease the burden on someone else who doesn't care about anything that doesn't affect him and didn't care about this until it affected him. Whether it's Trace Adkins inbred defect who suffers from food allergies or any woman and breast cancer, I'll support you when you support everyone else. Or at the very least, supports anything else but something that affects them. Until then, zip it. And what is the tally on cancer research anyway? This has to be the biggest money drain since Pope Leo started selling absolution.

Corporate Frauds

AITOOW is incensed when they ask you to donate to a charity. They are the owns more able to contribute. You just know they take our money then take the credit and the tax deduction and trick you into thinking that they are upright members of the community who deserve our support. And if they match the gift, I'll lay 2 to 1 that it's from the employees of the not the corp. I just saw a Walmart add in which they say they'll "invest" in wind energy if you do XYZ. Yeah "invest". As in create a profit center for their own bottom line. Yet, it's more likely a privately owned corporation of a Walton family member. Suckers.

Working Class Stiffs

AITOOW is a little offended by the term "working class". It implies that only a small segment (of low wage earners) work. I believe I work for my living. How about you? Can you imagagine how they would characterize housework if this is a glimpse into their subconscious.

Economy

AITOOW didn't get the message that we had a good economy to begin with? When did it turn around exactly? Because the media and the Democrats (sorry for the redundancy) never let on that it had.

Prerfect Politicians

AITOOW would like a politician to (just once) admit they made a mistake. They moan about the impossible standards they are held to yet try and make us believe they are up to them. Which is it? Are you perfect? In which case the standards are reasonable and your moaning is unreasonable (which incidently makes you imperfect). Or are you imperfect and the moaning is reasonable. Robot Obama today on The View exemplified this obstinancy. He preached unity while still supporting his Reverend Wrong. Just say he was wrong and you were wrong in judging his character and will ask him to change or you will avoid his counsel. Unfortunately, we know it's not the balance of your work that is judged but your lowest point - (like what Barbara Wawa found to be similiar with Don Imus' speech on those nappy headed ho's).

Look Clinton is the Queen of Justification and Bush is the King. I'm not singling out any one pol. I'm just saying that in a country where mea culpa is a national pastime, it would seem that it would be a politically expedient tact to employ. I know they are trying to avoid the sound bite that is put on a TV ad. But, it's already out there in substance if not form. Why not try and repair some of the overall damage to the candidate by trading in for some good will in the credibility and honesty departments. Listening to Robot side step the issue I couldn't help losing respect for him in those categories and I wouldn't have raised my opinion of him on the issue in question. It was a triple loss. With a possiblle check mark for loyalty. Still a cumulative negative 2. And is loyalty something the electorate pines for after GWB?

*BTW - I spelled prerfect that way on purpose.

Samantha Harris

AITOOW has noticed how self conscious of her chest she is now again. When she hard those breast milk laden feed bags she was thrusting her chest and wearing low cut gowns. Now that she has her fried eggs back she is visibly less confident. Vanity really is great when unrealized. No Dancing with the Jugs for her husband.

Highlites

AITOOW doesn't understand why these women with black and dark brown hair are putting blond highlites in their hair. Here's a newflash Hoda Kotbi (and almost every morning host on NBC. Btw do they have a hard on for big chined ladies. It doesn't seem to hurt if you are black haired, flat assed, baby chested and Irish) - you're not Nordic (then again I'm not sure what you are). It makes you look as ridiculous as guys with doll hair implants. They don't blend in with the rest of your hair and they certainly don't look natural. You have black hair. It's kind of sexy. Stop subliminaly telling us you wish you were white and light.

Rhona Mitra

AITOOW wonders if Rhona Mitra (now playing in the horrendously awful Doomsday and most famous for her nude scene in Hollowman in which her fake tits did the acting) and Kate Beckinsale have the same plastic surgeon. I wonder how trollish they were before. Now they are just Frankenstien's when caught in the wrong light. It's sad to see how her nose job, face tuck and chin implant are causing the lines around her mouth to crease into gargantuan channels. Her boobs implants are also sitting like little rocks in her now deflated yet simultaneously gelataneous chest. One thing still is youthful - her acne. I wonder if it is caused by some hormone supplement or crystal meth? That could explain her slim physique. The Pricilla Pressely Club is now open. Oddly they both look kind of like Minnie Driver who: is notoriously uncomfortable with her looks, is not considered hot, was lampooned on Family Guy and has not had any plastic surgery that I'm aware of. Live by the scalpel. Die by the scalpel.

Mike Green

AITOOW saw this clown single-handedly lose the game for Butler against Tennessee? He hit one tre but must of fucked up six of his teams last ten possessions. I hear he was the Conference Player of the Year. Hard to imagine.

Source of Confusion

AITOOW can offer guidance to the millions of liberals who are soon to become suicidal with another Democrat loss in the Presidential election. The reason "your" world in no way comports to the "real" world is that like most people you choose to surround yourself with like minded people. No big difference there. The difference is in how you act. You are a bunch of opinionated loud mouths. You misinterpret this cacophony as unanimity of opinion when in fact it is merely a result of good manners on the other side. You see they don't want to be drawn into a verbal war with you so they just tune you out or humor you. You misinterpret this as agreement and then are bewildered when the election is not the landslide you anticipated. I hope this elucidates what must be a frustrating conundrum. Then again if you weren't always trying to shout down someone you could actually listen to their viewpoint or (brace yourself) reflect on the state of things. Not in order to change your opinion but rather to gauge its popularity. But, maybe you know the answer to that already and can't accept it.